Be prepared to call in reinforcements for DW/DP if she needs them but is finding it too hard to seek help, but you feel she needs more support. Dhs/DPs can ring bf helplines too and talk things through with an expert, or introduce themselves and then hand the phone over to DW/DP. Find out the numbers in advance and put them somewhere you won't lose them. Take her to a bf support group if there is one locally.
Taking as much paternity leave as possible can be helpful, in terms of being able to take over as many other domestic duties (housework, cooking, childcare) as possible. it's hard work, but it will be appreciated .
If mum reaches the end of her tether, then you can be a wonderful pair of soothing arms for the baby. Dads can rock, sing, walk, push buggy, drive baby in car, carry baby in sling etc. Do bear in mind though that newborns feed v frequently, so breaks can only be short initially, but long enough at least for mum to go to the loo or take a shower . You know her best and know what makes her tick and will make her feel better. Whether it's washing her hair, doing her make-up, having 20 mins in the bath alone, eating a bar of chocolate, watching a box set of a favourite TV show (while bf!), spending 15 mins reading 1-2-1 with her older child, a favourite book or newspaper, chatting to a friend on the phone or whatever. Little things can really perk new mums up when they might be feeling low or tired.
Try not to offer solutions or problem solve the breastfeeding if possible. Leave this to the expert support you will have recruited for her. Your role is to be unstintingly supportive and encouraging. Provide food, drinks, hugs, shoulder rubs and loads and loads of words of gentle encouragement.
Recognise the importance that your DW/DP may attach to bf. You may not immediately be able to understand it, but for many mums it goes way beyond a method of getting calories into a baby. Formula can seem like a quick and easy solution, especially if things are difficult and perhaps the one you love is sobbing or some such similar situation. You want to make it better. It's understandable. But, sometimes you need to bear in mind the longer term. how will she feel about this tomorrow? Next week? In a month?
3am is never a good time to make any big decisions.
Nappy changing time is a great time to smile at and play with your baby. Pay attention to nappy contents in the first week or more too. They are the clearest sign of milk intake, which is one of the clues as to how bf is going. Read up on this in advance .