Aaaaahh, am at breaking point. Someone get me back on track please

[LenniEd]

DS (DC2) is 24wks and has been exclusively breastfed. I'm planning on doing BLW starting next week ish. He only just sits so we'll see.

Anyway, he's feeding every 2-3 hours day and night, having slept 7pm-5am from 8-12wks old. Most nights I'm feeding him 5-7 times between 7pm and 7am. He's also waking at 5am ready to start the day.

I know there are a lot of people managing with DCs feeding even more and sleeping less but I'm actually losing the plot over it a bit now. I am barely maintaining my relationships with DD (2.5yo) and DH and am meant to be finishing uni work for my Masters in the evenings which just isn't happening. Plus I have carpel tunnel and arthritis so the night feeds are bloody painful. And DS is just about to grow out of the co-sleeper so he's going to have to go in his own room which is going to make the whole thing even worse.

I absolutely plain refuse to do CC - never did it with DD who didn't sleep a single night for 15months, but wasn't breastfed so wasn't so much of an issue. But I need some renewed enthusiasm for breastfeeding. I don't want to give up - I want to feed him until at least 12mo, but I'm not sure I can do it anymore. If he wakes in the next 10 mins which is highly likely I'm really seriously considering packing it in.

Am sorry to moan, don't usually do this. Please make me feel like it is all ok again and I can cope.

Will try to help - my DS is now 22mo so trying to remember 24wo! But I think at this age they're getting much more interested in life/what's going on, does he seem distracted when feeding in the daytime? I think around this stage I took to giving him more of a routine feed, rather than on demand - ie offering him bf after a period of time, in quiet/non-distracting place. He still fed at night - went to bed around 7 or 8 but woke around 10, 2 and 5 before morning starting around 7am, but that's better than 5 or 7 times! Do you have a breastfeeding support group you could go to? I think I had good advice from the BF counsellor at ours.

Re Co-sleeper move, might be worth posting that as a 2nd post in another forum, there's lots on here and I'm sure someone would have advice re managing that move. I think some suggest move to beside bed in new cot first? Dr Sears is probably the place to find out more.

Sounds like you've got a lot to manage with having a 2nd DC and a Masters... Good luck!

There's no reason why he would sleep any better just because he was bottle fed (which it sounds like you experienced with your daughter), and then you could add preparing bottles to your list of things to have to cram into the day/night.

Forget the Masters for a few weeks - you can't do it all.

Can he not just sleep in your bed with you if you don't want him in his own room? Kick your dh out if necessary!

But you may find that he learns to sleep better in his own room. It will be harder getting up to do the night feeds, but if you're like me then at least you will be awake for them and not fall asleep before he's really finished so that he ends up wanting another too soon afterwards.

Hang in there, and it will get much easier soon.

Thank you yes, routine feeding in the day would probably be a good idea. Especially as his feeds tend to be curtailed by DD's various needs/groups/toddler style requests. I think a breastfeeding group would be useful too - have never thought to go as all seemed ok and never thought I'd hit a wall now.

Might you not just start him on some solid food tomorrow? Surely he is now showing signs of being ready for extra supplies?
I don't see why you should need to do cc crying AT ALL.

Anyway, that's what I would do in your situation, just keep breastfeeding a lot, and start introducing a small amount of solids.

What a nightmare.
What about mix feeding? Get dh to do an evening feed or two and get some sleep? I would also recommend a bedside cot. We got one for £100 on ebay, and it really made a difference to my sanity, knowing that I didn't have to get up was fab and I could doze while feeding.

It will get better eventually and you are doing a fab job. Hope you get some sleep soon.

I think his own room might be worth trying before it gets to the stage where he has to go there. I would let him co-sleep in our bed (I did with DD) but DH had a lot of issues with her co-sleeping (he had horrendous nightmares about smothering her for months after we stopped).

Swan - although I would consider starting solid food I'm on quarantine at the moment as DD has chickenpox so we're living off all the meals I froze before he was born until I can get out or get a tesco slot booked. At least all that baking has finally come in handy. Not really weaning material though.

Actually - Can'tSleep - maybe kicking DH out is the answer! Then there would be no nightmares.

I've thought about mixed feeding - would that affect my supply now if DH did one of the (many) night feeds?

Oh LenniEd, it's shit, it really is. I remember having many many nights like this with ds2. You know how bad he was/is at sleeping so you have every ounce of my sympathy. You don;t need to do CC, he's too young and it won't achieve anything anyway. You know dd didn't sleep through til 15mo and was ff so it's probably very little to do with bf and more of an age thing. It's just 20 times harder with bf becasue no one else can do it for you.

It will get better and you will come out of the other side still bfing. I promise. I'm still here, aren't I, and almost coherent .

It is just a phase (that old chestnut) but you've got so much on your plate atm and the CP last week and this week is not going to help at all. Can DH deal with dd if she's up in the night with her spots (Piriton helps with the itching and also makes them sleepy)? Ordinary broken nights are hard enough but you've really been through the wringer recently.

Can you feed him lying down or not? I can't remember if your arthritis lets you do that. I found I could doze if I was lying down and it did help a bit.

I'm sure you could also get an extension on your essay if you explained the whole CP debacle. They'd have to be fairly hard hearted to refuse you imo. At least that would be one pressure off until the CP is over and ds is more established on solids.

If you want some company in the day I only have ds2 tomorrow and he's had CP so I could come over for a bit. I may be able to bring (un-iced) cake too .

The baby may be ready for solids. He is not 18 weeks, he is 24 weeks.
Or the milk supply may catch up in a few days' time, if he is feeding so often, and he may go longer between feeds again...

A ff wouldn't make any difference to your supply at all at this point.

I can stop bring you food tomorrow too, if you like?

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I personally do not think there is a need for mix feeding or solids. You need to feed and sleep at the same time. That is not co-sleeping per se. It means you can lie down and snooze at the same time as feeding. You catch up on sleep and Ds may drop off too. If you wake up and he is sleeping, put him back in his cot. Is he in a cot or moses basket BTW?
Congratulations for exclusively feeding at 24 weeks. You onlt have 2 weeks to go till starting solids (which can make night waking worse initially BTW).

Try and feed more during the day too if poss.

Hang in there....

Thanks Oli - that's really kind of you. I had hoped I would get to meet you on slightly better terms though! I think I'll be okay, I just need some sleep. Maybe he'll sleep better tonight. And DD has already been up half an hour ago so she shouldn't wake for a while now. I'll definitely come and see you when the CP are over and DD will want to play with your DS2 though - she's a bit of a sweaty wreck now so don't think she'll be up to much in the morning. Thank you so much though.

Just re-red your post about co-sleeper. Is there no room for a cot in your bedroom? He might need more space?

LenniEd, I feel your pain! Ds (22wks) is exactly the same at the moment and I'm shattered. I do feed him lying in bed though so I can doze off while feeding. I've no idea how often he fed last night - lost count! I just let him hep himself

Fair enough . We'll sort out a get together once the CP & Masters is over. Maybe in the summer holidays?

Lack of sleep totally messes up your judgment and logic and it's so easy to blame the bfing as the root of all the problems. Take it one night at a time, and get the old 'this too will pass' mantra going in your head. You'll come out the other side in one piece. Honest.

When my dd went to nursery at 8mo she had formula during the day, I was worried it would affect supply, but she is 19mo now and we are still bfeeding.

Getting more sleep will make you feel so much better. I used to do night feeds lying down. DH hated co-sleeping and ended up on the sofa bed which wasn't ideal but I couldn't keep getting up, even though dd was in our room. The bedside cot went on myside of the bed so really dh was unaffected and didn't worry about her at all, like co-sleeping but still having your bed to yourselves.

Thanks Oli - definitely in the summer. I think you are right about blaming the breastfeeding, really it is a sleep problem. It just gets me down when I'm getting up constantly.

Anyway good news is he only woke once in the night last night of course it'll never happen again but how come babies just seem to know when you've had enough and give you a break.

I feel better today, and am having a steroid injection in my wrist tomorrow so that'll help with the pain too.

He is in an arms reach co-sleeper cot at the moment. It is getting a bit of a squeeze, I think he does need more room. We've started putting him in his cot for his first sleep but maybe it is time I bit the bullet and left him there and went to him to feed.