chibi's self-indulgent misery guts thread, feel free to ignore

[chibi]

...so called because i need a place to dump everything that is happening right now or I will explode. No one needs to read or post on this thread, although you are welcome to if you like.

My son was born almost 3 weeks ago at 34+6 weeks. After a lot of effort, he was having ebm from a cup, and beginning to breastfeed directly. At 2 weeks he had nearly regained his birthweight of 5 14 -- only 1 oz off.

Flash forward to this week - I had been advised (by a lactation consultant) that I could start phasing out the top ups - go with my instincts, follow hos lead, be responsive etc.

So, this past week, he has been having mostly breast with some cup fed top ups of ebm. It seemed to be going so weel, his latch was good, I could tell he was drinking and swallowing, he wasn't interested in having more from the cup when it was offered, he seemed content after feeds, was still ahving the same no. + intensity of wet nappies.

The MW came today to weigh him, it's been one week since the last time...he hasn't put on even an ounce.

I feel so crushed - my dh doesn't understand why. I feel like I can't trust my own judgement. I despair of the constant expressing, it is fucking exhausting. I fel like I am neglecting my other child, and it is only going to get worse - instead of only bf, I am going to need to go back to bf, express, cupfeed, this takes a LONG time.

I feel worried that I am going to start resenting my son (I don't yet).

This feels like such a major setback, where the hell am I going to find the strength to try and try and try again, but better? I have to find it from somewhere...

I am going to keep posting on this thread I think, I am finding it v therapeutic to vent and let some of this despair/poison out; I can't keep it in me.

As I was putting my dd down for a nap today, I was crying a little, nothing dramatic, just the odd tear escaped me. She noticed and said 'mummy crying. I fix?'. She is 2.

I know that other people have it far worse than I do at the moment, and would gladly swap places with me - I am not looking for anyone's sympathy at all here, or pats on the back.

This is my thread fopr lancing an emotional boil if you will so that I can carry on carrying on.

Hope I have not come across as too self pitying or obnoxious, will post more when I have an update.

chibi - expressing 'performance' does indeed vary. Hang on in there. An 80 ml yield followed by a 30 ml yield is pretty good.

god tiktok it is hard. i worry about my supply dwindling, have heard this can happen with expressing.

am seeing my gp about domperidone today - would rather have an oversupply iyswim.

my mother worries i am getting pnd. how are you meant to know?

Yes, expressing can lead to dwindling, which is why you need to keep up a frequent routine of expressing including at night, and this is very difficult for mothers at the best of times, let alone with other kids. 8 x a day inc at least once at night is the minimum....but when you do maintain this, you should maintain a supply.

I don't know how you know you have pnd beyond getting a proper diagnosis, but the stress and distress you are experiencing is understandable given the pressure you have been under for the last four weeks....presumably you did not expect your baby to be born a bit early and that feeling of having the rug pulled out from under you can be very upsetting. I bet you had plans for the last four weeks of pg - instead you had a baby, who needed careful feeding and care, and a huge amount of worry. If you are reacting to that, you are normal

O chibi! for you.

Try too take it week/day/feed/hour at a time. Choose whichever suits you.

You must be knackered. Which can feel and look like depression. The grind of worry and mental effort and physical doing saps you dry.

Eat super food and try to rest. Mentally if you can't physically.

thanks tiktok + treedelivery.

some good news...
lactation consultant watched a feed - he is extracting milk effectively + feeding well when he feeds.

she showed me how to let him self attach, this worked well for us.

after a lot of convincing, the gp has prescribed domperidone.

i am keeping to expressing every 3 hours, so is this enough? is 8 times in 24 hours good or is it 8 in the day AND another at night?

does anyone know?

Tik tok knows and will be along soon as she can I'm sure.
I think you are on the minimum side of ok, but the night feed is a good thing to do. Maybe TikTok will fell more nights would be better. I dunno really. I guess the idea is to 100% replace the baby at the breast. In this house that would mean 3 feeds overnight easily.

For now though, just bask in the glory of your bf son and enjoy this fab news you breastfeeding mamma! Thats brilliant.

That's good news, chibi.

8 times in 24 hours includes the 'at least once at night'....if you do more that's great but if you can keep up 8 it sounds as if you should be fine.

Hurrah!

For chibi and tiktok.

Hurrah!

Just wanted to say good luck, looks like the feeding experts are here already

I don't know how much help it is but I do have some more info on the significance of weights.

Electronic scales are, ideally, designed to be used:
Without being moved
On a totally flat surface
In an enclosed room (no windows or doors open to allow air movement)
With the object being measured as central as possible.

Even under these conditions they are not 100% accurate so a weight should be expressed as x kg +/- 0.x kg. The normal tolerance might be 5% so a weight of 1000g would actually be between 950-1050g.

Scales used by midwives are:
Moved a lot
Used on carpet/floor/dining table which isn't totally flat
Not always in an enclosed room
Babies wriggle and don't have a central centre of gravity

On this basis one weight isn't particularly meaningful unless there's been a large change. An ongoing downwards trend (or staying exactly the same) would be a problem. If all the other signs are good I wouldn't let one weight knock your confidence

Sorry have wittered on quite a lot but I hope it's some use!

Brain overheated a bit , that should be an inaccuracy of 0.5% so 1000g actually means 995-1005g.

Thanks, drowning - interesting stuff.

I think, beyond percentage accuracy, there's also the issue of units of measurement. I think I am right in saying that infant weighing scales measure in 5g units - is that correct?

For all practical purposes, a 0.5 per cent accuracy reading to the nearest 5 g, is absolutely fine - no reading is going to be more than 10 g out either way, tops. The inaccuracy is with the way scales are hauled in and out of cars, misread, and used to weigh wriggly babies. So as you say, one single weight tells us not a lot.

How are things going chibi?

have been giving boob-cup-boob, ds takes 3 or 4 boobs (iyswim) per feed usually, and will only take 20-30 ml ebm from the cup.

he is still weeing for britain + seems content between feeds, i think it's going well.

famous last words...this is what i thought before he put on no weight over the week.

we have been discharged from mw care, hv has yet to contact me, am hoping to get him seen/weighed next week.

am cautiously optimistic. however, if he still isn't putting on weight, i have no idea how to get more milk into him, short of force feeding him via a tube or something, he doesn't want more.

hv just came + weighed him...

HE'S GAINED 5 OZ (100g) SINCE SUNDAY!!!!!!!

thank you everyone! He is having more breast than cup, we are turning a corner I think, my mum is coming next thurs, everything is on the up!

thank you all for your support, you are amazing!

she shoots she scores!!

fantastic news well done