Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

Original poster

Am I resorting to the boob too much?

16 replies

jumpjockey · 29/05/2009 09:57

DD is 6 months on Monday and breast fed - have tried her with a few bits of solid but not really in earnest. She feeds usually every 3 hours or so during the day, sometimes 4, then several times at night. Growing absolutely fine.

My worry is that it seems to be my answer to everything. Won't nap? A few minutes gentle nibbling and she's out for the count. Angry and crying? A nice cuddle and some milk. Wakes in the night, shushing gets her calmed down but as soon as she's in the crib, waaah, so bring her into bed and feed her to sleep.

Am I making her over reliant on a) boob and thus b) me for comfort, and is this something to worry about? On the one hand it's a lovely thing and she'll only be little once so may as well make the most of it. On the other, it means I have to do all the night wakings, and when I have to go back to work, what then? Am I just being a lazy parent? by which I mean if she were ff, we'd have had to some up with other ways of comforting her/ getting her off to sleep.

OP posts:

DitaVonCheese · 29/05/2009 10:20

For me that is the beauty of the boob, but it's definitely a double-edged sword. My DD is 8 months and we're in exactly the same position (but with more solids) so will keep an eye on this thread ...

Verity79 · 29/05/2009 10:32

It is perfectly normal for a baby who is tired to fall asleep at the breast. Suckling (not necessarily getting any milk) releases a sleepy hormone in baby, hence why people give babies dummies to suckle on when they are tired.

It is perfectly normal for a baby to want mummy to meet their needs through bfing/snuggling. It is not 'making a rod for your own back' or any such nonsense. It is responding in an appropriate way to your breastfed baby. She isn't coming to the breast for comfort she is coming to you.

Would you rather she formed an attachment to an inanimate object as opposed to Mummy? (Not being snarky but a genuine q). If yes then get her a lovie and use that when you comfort her until she associates that with comforting sensations/feelings.

If she was formula fed you would be doing effectively the same thing but without the naked boob (i.e. lots of cuddles, dummy, lovie, skin to skin, rocking, shushing, etc).

To summarise you are doing nothing wrong! Unless of course 6 months was a typo and you meant 16 years! Then you have a problem

OmicronPersei8 · 29/05/2009 10:32

I was in the same place, but as DS has got older (he's 14 months)he's become more independent, more interested in food and the boob has moved into the background. Still good for comfort if DD has pushed him he's fallen over. I think it's great to be able offer comfort in any form to your child.

I made a huge point of not feeding DD to sleep and regretted it later - I'd have given anything for a quick fix when it took 45 minutes...

Also since DS started walking he's sleeping so much longer at night - it does get better.

OlympedeGouges · 29/05/2009 10:38

i think this is how evolution has ensured we get some sleep actually I would also say if it aint broke don't fix it. She still very tiny. Agree with Verity. You can still feed her in bed when you go back to work? [following sage co sleeping guidelines obviously]

OlympedeGouges · 29/05/2009 10:38

Sage? Almost works.

Original poster

jumpjockey · 29/05/2009 10:39

Thanks for the comments so far, I suppose I am happy with the situation but wish there was a way for dh to help a bit more...! Off out now but will catch up on any other replies later

OP posts:

almama · 29/05/2009 11:15

oh, I was exactly the same with my dd, and maybe even more so... for example when I'd (selfishly!) want to have marathon chats with friends, I'd bf dd throughout to keep her quiet entertained. AND, it was absolutely the only way she would ever fall sleep. like you, I wondered if was under-utilising alternative comforting methods, and was certain I'd be following her around for decades with my boobs out! Then suddenly she lost interest around 13 mo - I was completely shocked.

Now she falls asleep readily with a cuddle, from either myself or dh, has a million other interests, and can be comforted with kisses and hugs - BUT I no longer have a way distracting her when I want a long chat with a friend!

GreenMonkies · 29/05/2009 11:20

No, you're not, you have simpley discovered that breastfeeding is not just about food, it's a whole relationship, and the most powerful parenting tool you will ever have. What you are doing is instinctive and natural and perfectly healthy, so if it works, don't fix it.

She'll get interested in solids soon enough (try sitting her in the high chair at your mealtimes with some bits of food to play with, BLW is easy and natural too!) and she'll sleep better soon too.

Carry on, you're doing a fantastic job.

CherryChoc · 29/05/2009 11:34

Goodness, too much? Never!

Are you happy with how things are? If so, don't be pressured into changing a thing, IME you only make more problems that way.

mrsgamp · 29/05/2009 11:35

I have to agree with most of the comments here, that what you're doing is perfectly natural. I have 'used' the breast, like yourself, as comforter, hypnotic, analgesic, distraction, bribe...and that's just for me!! My DD,3.5 and DS,19months (both still b/fing) are relaxed, happy, fantastic-natured children and extremely independent. I think the only thing(s) you miss out on if you have a child in your situation is subscribing to the different 'bits and bobs' you're 'supposed' to have, like 'blankies' or dummies (which I can only view as a good thing!) Like others here, my children became less reliant on the breast as they got a little older and they also quickly learn that there are situations/times that they cannot have free access to you (for example, I don't b/f either of mine when we're out and about - the sight of me with a toddler at each breast could surely put someone in an early grave!) Carry on enjoying this wonderful experience!

wastingmyeducation · 29/05/2009 11:40

If in doubt, boob out.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 29/05/2009 11:41

Carry on as you are

I did wonder this round about 7/8 months and then as DS has got just that bit older he's become much less reliant on the boob during the day. He is still a milk monster night and morning though and during the night.

So no need to worry, and Dita I wouldn't worry yet either.

dorisbonkers · 29/05/2009 16:30

I only worried about this when someone else commented along the lines of 'poor you, having to feed her all the time'. Or my mother and the 'rod for your back'. Then I stepped back and thought that breastfeeding (and I do it to distract her as well) is one of the most enjoyable, lovely and rewarding aspects to caring for a baby (not reached toddlerhood yet) and so I'm buggered if I'm going to worry about it anymore.

The ONLY times I ever feel it a bind is sometimes when I want a glass or three of wine (I do have a glass when she's gone to bed but sometimes she wakes) or when she's really pinchy and writhy.

If everything has gone tits up that day at least breastfeeding hasn't and I am lucky and grateful. Even at 3am and I bring her to bed I look down on that little face and it makes Everything Wonderful. I must be quite rare -- a mother who likes night feeds and isn't gagging for my baby to sleep through.

I'm currently BLW my baby (she's a tiddler so more than happy to continue megafeedathons) and it's going surprisingly well and she's definitely a bit easier to settle (but on the boob natch).

I had a paddy the other day about breastfeeding, naps and sleep and got some great advice on here. I've decided that I'm going to enjoy my baby regardless of whatever anyone else says.

Original poster

jumpjockey · 29/05/2009 20:06

Thanks again everyone Just discussed this thread with DH and he agrees that soon enough she'll be wanting other things so while we can use a handy free facility, we may as well i was worried he might feel I'm monopolising her and sometimes only I can calm her down, but he just said he's sorry he can't help more at nights. So we'll see how things pan out...

Olympe - I wasn't worried about co sleeping when I'm back at work, more what would be the case if the nursery phoned and said "she won't nap, can you pop over and give her a quick boob?"...

OP posts:

DitaVonCheese · 29/05/2009 20:22

Thanks Ali and Jump for starting the thread. The only times I/we (DH and I) find it hard is when nothing but boob will calm her, which is great when I'm there but can leave me feeling a bit claustrophobic at times
(SIL's hen night is coming up and no idea if I can make it ... haven't had a night off/out for ages ).

Doris, I love the last sentence of your post

pippylongstockings · 29/05/2009 20:40

It is such a special time - enjoy it!

I too back the saying 'If in doubt - wop them out!'

It's great for any number of reasons but also if you have got this far its now got so bloody easy - would you rather be making up and warming bottles in the middle of the night - worrying about making sure you had a bottle or dummy with you where-ever you go ?

It is a bit of a pain having them so mum reliant but having only b/f my DS1 for 9 months but DS2 for 20 months I can confirm that they both still shout "MUMMY!" equal amounts that they are 4.6 and 2.6.......

Flip