what's the best way of co-sleeping? Some co-sleeping newbie questions...

[earlycomputers]

I would be very interested in co-sleeping with my newborn when he/she arrives but not sure of the best way of doing this practically speaking. My other to DCs were breastfed but I always got up in the night to go to their room/cot to do this and so was very tired. I hope to breastfeed the new arrival, and have a large bed to accomodate him/her, but have the following questions:

• with my other two, I spent a long time after each feed winding them - do mothers who breastfeed co-slept babies still wind them or does the baby just go back to sleep after the feed?
• Does the mother sleep topless or bra-less and if so, how would she cope with milk leaking out all over the place?
• Does the co-slept baby feed lying down along with the mother on her side? Basically what's the best or usual position for both the mother and baby to feed?
• Will the baby need to sleep on anything in addition to the adult bed mattress? ie anything waterproof?
• Could the baby sleep under their own separate blanket/s and the mother sleep alongside him/her but under her own separate duvet?
• does the baby generally feed on demand and would cosleeping encourage feeding on demand as opposed to having set times in the night for feeds?
• would the baby be encouraged to use the mother as a human dummy rather than for feeds?

really appreciate any answers to the above! Sorry if any q's seem a bit basic but want to be sure I understand everything! thanks

I'll answer your questions with what we do and you can decide whether it would suit you (different strokes for different folks, etc)

1. I have never winded DS2 at night except for maybe a few times the first couple of weeks when I was still sitting up to feed him in the middle of the night. And that was only because he was exceptionally sleepy and wouldn't stay awake to feed enough otherwise. He has never been bothered by wind at night and has always slept well.

2. I sleep with a pj top on, buttoned up at the top but not further down. I have never leaked though.

3. To begin with I sat up to feed DS1 as he felt so small and fragile, and also because I needed to be certain he was feeding regularly enough (see above). After that we have always fed with both of us on our sides.

4. I don't know that waterproof covers under the sheet would be a great idea - might get too hot and sweaty in my opinion. We have a mattress cover but it isn't waterproof, and I just wash it now and then. We have a brand new mattress and it hasn't got any stains on it yet!

5. Yes the baby could sleep under separate blankets. It is safer. We started off with DS2 in a swaddle cloth and me under the duvet, but only up to my waist. Then DS in a sleeping bag with the duvet rolled up at the bottom of the bed on his side, and up to my waist on mine.

6. Yes, and they may feed more often (mine has only ever fed very infrequently at night though) BUT the fact that you are 90% asleep whilst latching them on and then fall back asleep whilst they feed means that you get a lot more sleep and rest than if you physically get up to a crying baby in another part of the room/house.

7. They might do (though I am not keen on the idea that mums become a human dummy - breasts are there for comfort as well as nutrition) - but mine has hardly ever comfort fed, day or night. I guess some babies are more sucky than others, however you feed or comfort them. If it was a problem for you you could always find a way to time the feeds and not let them suckle in between, I suppose. I think that if co sleeping really works for you you don't wake up enough to notice whether they are feeding or sucking for comfort TBH.

HTH

As for provincial, I'll tell you what we do:

• I didn't find they needed winding - we used to fall asleep together feeding. If the baby did need winding, I'd lie on my side and have them kind of standing up across my tummy

• In a nightie that buttons so I can undo it to whip a boob out. Sleep on a towel to cope with leaking.

• baby lying on side facing mum, who is also on her side. Baby's face to boob, mums bottom arm above baby's head, legs curled up with needs under baby's feet, mum's top arm cuddled round baby. Don't put baby on a pillow!

• Mine didn't

• Yes, if you wanted. I found it easier to have a light duvet or sheet and blanket while I was co-sleeping with a newborn. our self-imposed restrictions always eased off after 6-7m.

• Yes, definitely. When they videod mums co-sleeping then asked them how many times they'd fed in the night, they only gave a number that was a THIRD of the actual number of times they fed! Very good for supply and maintenance of bfing to cosleep.

• A dummy is an artificial mummy, not the other way round! Babies are born to suckle a lot - it's very good for them. Doesn't just mean they get milk, but also regular surges of a cocktail of hormones that are really good for them, and help them grow and develop, strengthen their immune system. Think of it as a good thing that your baby will get more suckling done

1. winding - depends on the baby. dd never needed winding, ds guzzled his feeds in five minutes flat, and burped like an old man - he wouldn't sleep properly if he wasn't winded. Annoying, as it meant I had to wake up more than with dd.

1. I always slept naked - did need a towel in the bed for the first few weeks, and had to change the sheets frequently.

3.baby always fed lying down next to me.

1. Had a mattress protector (not waterproof)under the sheets, but not for baby, more for me (blood and milk everywhere for the first few weeks).

1. I only used a sheet over both of us for first few weeks with ds (he was born in a heatwave). After that used a duvet over me, with ds on top of it uner his own sheet. But he was very big and strong - I probably would have worried more about a smaller baby getting stuck under the duvet. The guidelines on co-sleeping advise using sheets and a light blanket only - if there is any danger in co-sleeping, its probably the baby getting overheated under soft adult bedding.

1. I always fed on demand - but found ds had a routine of his own right from birth anyway, always woke at the same times. I don't know what dd did, because I barely woke when she fed.

1. think this depends on your baby too - some need to suck for comfort more than others.

I am co-sleeping and breastfeeding 6 month old dd. She sleeps beside me with a bed rail on the side of the bed. I wear casual cotton tops and just pull up when needed. I did leak a lot in the early weeks and kept several tops to hand for a quick change at night. I hate sleeping in a bra and breastpads and all that so this was better for me.
She turns on her side when she wants to feed and I whip up my top and away we go. It is so easy I wonder why I never fed dd1 lying down. I also co-slept with her but sat up for feeds.
DD2 has cellular blanket and I tuck the duvet in tightly at the side of the bed below her so it can't rise up over her at night.
I do miss being able to pull the duvet right up to my chin though
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and new baby.

We have only been properly/officially co-sleeping for the past month or so, so not sure how useful this will be, but will answer anyway I really wanted to sleep with DD when she was little but both DH and I were a bit scared of it. I did however quite often fall asleep sitting up in bed during night feeds and wake up with a guilty start to find her snoring on my tummy Now she's in her cot which is tied to our bed with one side removed - she starts in her cot (unless she won't settle) and then moves into our bed after she wakes up for the first time. Some nights I am not aware of her having woken up but she has moved the foot across from her bed to ours, so either I am now just grabbing her without waking up or she's got very good at rolling!

• DH was a bit obsessed with winding her in the early days. These days (she's now 7.5 mo) I don't bother at all (see not always registering feeding her above!)

• I have only managed to go topless a handful of times and even then I sometimes leak and have to clamp a muslin over my boobs. Otherwise I'm a bra and pads girl - superleaky so no choice I sleep in those cotton Bravado ones, very comfy. Though they don't always get done back up post-feed

• We sleep and feed facing each other, with me curled around her as flamingobingo describes. Now sometimes I lie so that she has to work to keep my nipple in her mouth and it falls out if she goes to sleep, so that she gets used to going back to sleep without it, but you don't have to worry about that for a while!

• Nothing waterproof for us, she just has her nappy, babygro and sleeping bag.

• DD has a sleeping bag and I have a duvet which I tuck under myself so the ends can't escape.

• Yep, fed totally on demand.

• Possibly used as a dummy, I have no idea , but like a few other posters I don't have any objections to it.

I heart co-sleeping - hope we are brave enough to do it with any subsequent DCs when they are newborn though suspect we'll bottle it!

just to add to the lovely posts above:

with my first child it took about a month to get the hang of feeding lying down. Before that, I propped myself up with pillows in bed and would regularly come to enough to get us lying down again. It was me who needed to get the hang - since then I've breastfed a 4-hour-old lying down with no probs

I'm a real leaker in the early months. I have a house full of random sheet-like objects that people have given me (how many receiving blankets does one family need?!) and I sleep with my top half on one of those so that the double sheet doesn't need changing daily. For the very early days, I put one of those pampers disposable changing mats underneath - so the be-boobed bit of bed is waterproofed but teh rest isn't sweaty. And one of those lasts several days until it's all sour milky and smelly (eurgh). I also have a towelling travel changing mat from jojo maman bebe which is washable and does the same job for much cheaper (well, except that the pampers ones were a free hand-me-down but ykwim)

I was completely military about keeping the duvet off my first child as a newborn, less so subsequently. you just have to set it all up so that you are confident your babe is safe, otherwise you just won't sleep anyway.

Sorry for the thread Hijack

Hello Ommm - it's me I've name-changed .

who are you flamingo????? you have to be one of the fab feb homies

oh no, wait, I know who you are.

ecstatic wave

Don't wind at all on a night and during the day she doesn't burp much after a feed anyway(she is great at pumping)

I am still leaking at 7.5 months, when i co sleep i wear a bra with extra pads as they sleep. If she is in her cot then i wear a nightie and have breast pads waiting under pillow and tuck one under top whilst feeding

She lies next to me with her head at boob level, I am on my side with arm tucked under pillow and duvet wrapped around me. You will find your own best position as everyone is different

She just sleeps on the sheet, I did use pampers bed mats for a while but that was more for the blood

She should use her own sheet/blankets at first and then when she is big enough use a gro-bag. As we are supposedly entering summer with warm nights she/he won't need much. Remember a cooler baby is better then a hot baby. Also pillows shouldn't be touching head.

She does feed on demand and I will often wake up and she is happily munching away and she does use me for comfort but by watching her doze off you can move your nipple away and she will hopefully stay asleep.

Good luck co-sleeping is great and a lot easier then waking and going to a cot every time, as long as you remember to not let them get too hot
, and if poss have the bed to yourselves you will find it easy

I don't know what the best way of co-sleeping is, but until he was 21 months old DS thought it was lying on my breast all night in conventional feed position, periodically waking me to nuzzle across to the other side. He refused point blank to do lying side to side.

I just came to recommend the slanket as an alternative to duvets, blankets etc when you co-sleep.

Yeah, I know it's for old people but it worked really well - my partner slept under the duvet and we slept on top with me in the slanket and the baby in his gro-bag (with the cot/crib acting as a bed-rail padded by the loose duvet). You have to tuck some of the corners out of the way but otherwise it's perfect as it gives open access to the boob but can keep you cosy. It's quite lightweight but warm. You'll need some bed socks though.

nope, not a feb homie. I'll tell you elsewhere

I've just looked at the link and came to add that obviously (?) you wear it the other way round if you're BF!!!

oooh am liking the slanket... looks v. cosy!

Great thread as I am co-sleeping with my 14 week old more by accident than dsesign - frantic with tiredness, so its easier to keep her in bed with me. She was waking every time I transferred her. Tricky bit is the other boob issue - as in when feeding on our sides she can easily reach the one nearest the mattress, but the when its time to switch i have to swop us round - we then sleep at the foot of the bed, so that the relevant boob is still nearest the mattress IYSWIM? Once did it still on same side but my arm was at an awkward angle...this is a shame as the move kind of wakes me and defeats the object.

I have bought a bed guard as I am worried about her rolling off, and am happier now that I have it. I have a slanket too but it hadn't occured to me to use it for anywhere other than the sofa - not sure how it would work tbh, even worn backwards?? She is in a grobag and I tuck the duvet under me. I don't mind the suckling for comfort thing, either, but there does come a point when I pop my nipple out of her mouth and roll away, if I can get away with it.

Sorry for being daft but how does the slanket thing work for bf??

I co-slept with ds2 and he was either swaddled and on top of the duvet, or in a grobag on top of the duvet.

It is odd if you're a real duvet snuggler like me usually, but not half as hard as getting out of bed in the night to feed your lo!

I co-sleep with my son for the second half of the night, since he was born (he is now 6m). I can get some sleep and we enjoy the comfort of each others company and, he especially enjoys the all night cafe open! I keep one of my arms slung over my head... that prevents me from rolling I also let my partner know when baby is in bed and keep him on the opposite side. I also dont wind really.....

Hi, re: slanket. I wear it backwards so the top front drapes open with full access to boob so when the LO wakes in the night I can just part it and he can latch on. It means that you don't have to have half your body exposed and you can arrange it so it covers the rest of you.

HTH.

My first tip before I even start, look in your local library/on amazon for "Three In A Bed" by Deborah Jackson.

OK now to answer your questions:

• winding

I didn't used to wind DS after night feeds, but he wasn't a very windy baby. If he needed winding I'd hold him to me and roll onto my back so he was lying face down on my chest and stroke his back, which would make him fart. If that didn't work I'd sit up and wind him.

• bras

In the beginning, I wore Bravado bras (they are like sports bras so not uncomfortable) with breastpads and just undid them as needed. After a few weeks I found I could get away with just one breastpad, as I only leaked when feeding from the other boob, and after a few months didn't need them at all. Different women leak differently though, you will have to wait and see. I used to keep a stack of prefolds near the bed so if I leaked loads/DS was sick/dribbled/nappy leaked, I could put the prefold over the wet patch and worry about it in the morning.

• position

See pic on my profile (I think this has been covered. )

• waterproofing

You don't need to waterproof, but as we only bought a new mattress while I was pg I felt it best to have a mattress protector. I am fed up with ours now as it's rustly and sweaty, but I am told Motherease do good ones, more expensive but worth it, and I'm planning on getting one of those instead.

Actually, the main reason we used the mattress protector was that I was planning a home birth and (a) wasn't sure if I'd give birth in my bed, and (b) knew there would be heavy bleeding in the first few days after the birth. As it happened I went into hospital, but was home within 12 hours and the mattress protector is bloodstained now - but the mattress is fine, so well worth it IMO. Also DS regularly used to wee on me/the bed when I changed him, I would leak milk, and once I spilled a bowl of water on the bed when I was changing him half asleep (about the time we abandoned cottonwool + water and started using wipes!!)

• blankets

Yes, definitely possible to have separate covers. DS was born in October (it was cold) and I used to wear a dressing gown as people have described using the slanket (GREAT idea btw!) and have the duvet up to my waist. We have never had heating on overnight and I found I was warm enough. DS had his own blankets so I could adjust layers. I only used grobags when he was in the cot, as he used to kick the blankets off when I wasn't adjusting them constantly. For spring/autumn when it's milder, long sleeved pyjamas or a nightie which opens in the front is a good idea if your top half will be out of the duvet.

• feeding on demand

I think feeding on demand is the best thing to do when they're tiny. I would wake up, latch him on, and go back to sleep, so it wouldn't matter to me that it was at irregular times. I'm not really sure what you're asking though - let us know if you want more info!

• dummies

I don't think you can encourage a tiny baby to do anything, tbh - yes, they will suckle at night for comfort as well as milk, but that is good, it's actually really important for your supply. And you'll likely be asleep anyway! They grow out of this need - and if you want to introduce a dummy it's fine to do so, but best to wait until about 6-8 weeks so that bf is established first.

• Other stuff

Just wanted to mention a few other things

We use a bedside cot and I've found it really useful. I actually adapted a normal cot, I found it stood up absolutely fine with the third side taken off, and DH made some extra holes in it so that we could raise the base to be level with our bed. This serves many purposes - it extends the bed, stops him from rolling off and means I can have the benefits of cosleeping but feel safer if I have had a drink/want to cuddle up to DH, snuggle up properly into the duvet or sleep on my back/front - I just scoot him into the cot and then I can't possibly roll onto him. If you're planning to put him down for naps (or to bed early in the evening) in the cot this setup is helpful as well, until you get to about 6/7 months, as DS can now roll and shuffle his way out of the cot, across the bed and onto the floor - luckily not a big problem for us as he has most of his naps downstairs and goes to bed when I do, but something to consider if that's not the way you plan to do things!