Should I just accept that this isn't going to work out? :-(

[electra]

I breastfed my older two daughters for a long time and never had any problems at all. They fed efficiently, put on weight and thrived from day 1.

My 5 week old is different. She is content to go without getting enough calories. She doesn't seem to be able to breastfeed effectively. I latch her on, she starts sucking, the milk lets down and she promptly goes to sleep, then gets very cross if I wake her up.

She wasn't putting on weight so I started giving her EBM in a bottle to help her gain and get the strength to feed which worked......except now she seems to want to feed from a bottle all the time (probably because it's easier I guess)

I am now trying to pump as much as I can, but it is hard to do for every feed and I have given her formula when I don't have time to express - it's difficult to devote the whole day to feeding when I already have two other children, one of whom is autistic.

I am having nightmares about it. Do I just need to accept that things can't always work out the way I want?

i don't think you have to accept it if you don't want to.

no-one can tell you whether you should stop or not. it's ok to, if that's what you really want. but you need to be sure in your mind that you won't regret it iyswim?

i think that most breastfeeding problems can be overcome with persistence, hard work and good support. But as you say, it can be really difficult, esp with older children.

personally I think i would contact someone like la leche league and talk to a counsellor and see what they suggest.
feed as much from the breast as possible (to stop her becoming dependent on bottle, and to allow your supply to re-establish)
and just feed her as much as possible.

but that's jus tme

I agree with everything thisisyesterday said, I just wanted to send you some virtual support

It does sound like you could do with seeing someone in RL. Also has she been checked for tongue tie?

I would really try offering breast before bottle and contact LLL, but only because long term bfing is so much easier and more convient than ffing.

DS did this. It turned out (5 months later) that he had tongue tie, but he also really really hurt me when he fed. Does your DD3 feel different from your others?

I had a nightmare feeding DS at the time, and got so worked up about it. Now nearly 3 years on I have some perspective and I think you can only do what you can do. It's all very well putting everything on hold to pump 24/7 for your first, but when you have other children it's much more difficult. It sounds like you need expert advice tbh.

If shes falling asleep at the brest I would advise making her as uncomfortable as possible, strip her right down to her nappy and feed her like that, burping regulary, this should sort of the falling asleep problem x

*breast and sort out not sort of! sorry

Have you contacted your hospital and asked for a BFC to come out and see you at home?

I would also say that shes maybe sleepy and happy to go without because shes not geting anough iyswim. i once visited a woman postnatally(day 6) whos 4lb 13 dd had slept 7 hours overnight and they were really impressed, needless to say we were not and had to explain explicitly about the importance of making her feed. they were wrapping her in a blanket at feeds so she was falling asleep which is why Ive suggested as above.

My first DS fed perfectly and I have to admit I was a bit evengelical about breast feeding, he was textbook perfect breast feeder. but then I had DD and had to admit defeat after a few months, she just didn't suck right and wasn't getting a good feed and my nipples were getting sorer and I was getting engorged too. Ok if the right person had come along at the right time and helped me figure it out and showed me the trick to get her to feed right maybe we would have lasted longer but hey didn't and I stopped afte much consideration, it was a relief and both my DC are growing up fit and healthy despite their different feeding methods.

maybe the best thing somethimes is a happy mum and a happy baby not a stressed out mummy and a stressed baby.

My DS was just terrible. He struggled and struggled and it took two of us to get him to take the breast, even when he was swaddled tightly first. Then he promptly fell asleep. Infuriating.

I echo Skramble's post entirely. If you've given it your best shot, then a happy mummy and happy baby is by far the most important thing when it comes down to it.

Hi everyone

Well I have tried just about everything and had lots of advice and support. The baby now gets angry if I try to breast feed her and shuffles herself into position for a bottle Unfortunately I can't feed her my milk all the time unless I stay in the house and pump all day which really isn't an option because I have two other children.

So at the moment she's having Aptamil and breast milk alternately which is not what I wanted but she has gained 9 ounces in a week and is looking better instead of struggling along the bottom of the centile chart.....thanks for all your advice.

Have you seen a BFC in person or just over the phone?

electra, it's hard to know what to suggest....I really think that the only effective help you will get is from someone who is able to observe a whole feed as well as talk and listen to you.

It's really difficult to maintain a supply with expressing unless you express round the clock and of course this is something you find almost impossible to do...it's so time consuming and you have other children. So the answer is to fix the bf so it happens 'direct'.

There should be help locally with this, or call one of the bf helplines. You may need a fairly expert person, to be honest - a baby falling asleep rather than take the milk needed is not an easy thing to resolve. I don't think phone help will be enough.

For all those saying 'happy mum equals happy baby' see this thread

my daughter wanted to breast feed but as her baby was early nothing happened after the first few feeds in which I gather the baby gets the colostrum, so I wouldn't worry too much about the fact now bottle is the answer. Some babies feed every two hours some three some four. My daughter fed on demand, some times a whole bottle then a few minutes screaming, a few more ounces were offered and then a deep sleep for a few hours. Babies are a law unto themselves. One extremely good tip given to my daughter by Queen Charlottes was to offer the baby boiled water AT ROOM TEMPERATURE. As milk is not thirst quenching. Often the baby is just thirsty. Now if asked what to drink the answer is mostly water. Good luck, also if your baby does cry a lot and is colicky is really could be that they are lactose intolerant. When my daughter had her 2nd baby in the US they went through all allergies and put the baby straight onto Soy milk.

PS one way I as shown to breast feed donkeys years ago was to hold the baby like a rugby ball!!!! i.e. body and feet under your arm so head almost facing your breast, it works.

Latootle, boiled water is no longer recommended for breastfed babies....breastmilk satisfies the fluid needs of babies and offering water can mess up breastfeeding. Milk is indeed thirst quneching

Lactose intolerance in a baby as young as this is highly unlikely. Congenital LI is vanishingly rare but when it does show up it does not show up with crying at 5 weeks - babies who really are LI at birth fail to thrive and are very poorly, usually.