Feeling very sad - have stopped bfing at 4.5 months. Have I done any good at all.

[peppermintpig]

I'm feeling very emotional so I hope I can make sense. I failed bfing with ds1 but have had positive experience this time. Had a major weightloss issue early on so used some bottles but from 5 weeks have EBF.

My wonderful mother was diagnosed with cancer during this pregnancy and I have found it challenging but doable keeping up with bfing DS2, hospital visits, spending last few weeks with mum who is not in a good way and giving equal attention to Ds1 in these circumstances.

Mum is now in a hospice but quite a long drive away. I want to spend as much time with her as possible (in a couple of months it will be all over and she is in alot of pain and terrified). For various reasons it is now not appropriate to keep ds2 with me all the time and I am likely to spend several days away at some point. I'm not blessed with a great supply and haven't been able to get into a productive rythm of expressing at all.

I made the decision to revert to bottles on Monday but am beside myself which I can't understand as I have totally made my peace with ff'ing ds1 and don't in anyway see ff as evil.

I seem to remember once seeing here a list of benefits of bfing for various lengths of time. This may help give some perspective. Can anyone help?

Well done at reestablishing breastfeeding exclusively from 5 weeks until now, and sorry about your mum's cancer. You've done really well.

Perhaps it's worth trying offering breastfeeds to ds2 when you're in a position to do so.

Thank you so much for being so kind.I haven't had a chance to get back on til now.

I would love to carry on with some feeds but there's a couple of things I've found difficult. I didn't mention in my first message that I did try to mix feed last week but this was the week mum really deteriorated and DS2 had far more bottles than intended. By last weekend he was getting very frustrated with the breast when latching on and then only seemed to last about an hour before wanting feeding again - as if he was already used to having a much fuller tummy (although I may be wrong...this is how I read it). So there were lots of tears from DS2 as well as tears from DS1 who seemed to resent the extra 'cuddling' DS2 was getting when he himself was only getting to see me for a couple of hours. DS1 has always focused his jealousy on feeding and refuses to cuddle while I'm feeding. All in all it meant the 2 or 3 hours I was home each day were quite distressing for everyone so Monday I decided to stop bfing.

In retrospect it probably was a very quick decision to stop altogether but everythings is bit fraught at the moment. I just given a bit of a feed with his bedtime bottle and was suprised I still had something to give. It always seemed a bit sparse so expected it disappear quickly - another thing I was stressing about when trying to mix feed and ending up doing so few bf feeds.

Does anyone know if I manage to do a couple of feeds one day and just one another day, and perhaps none some days whether this is enough at 4.5 months to maintain a supply for closeness if not much else ?

Thanks again everyone for your kindness - it means alot as I haven't managed to talk to anyone about this is RL.

Oh bless you pepper, you are in stressful times.

I'm not sure tbh, my experience stops at 3 days really. I know that it is always worth trying to bf, rather than assuming it won't work iyswim?

What I mean is, if you are planning to ff anyway, then seeing if a bf goes down well on Monday, then trying again on Wed, isn't going to do any harm is it? Give it a go. As I understand it, it is nipple stimulation that tells the body to produce milk - so even if ds is fairly full and is just shnuggling in on the boob for the love of it - then it is all positive feedback to the brain. And for you, calming protective hormones that might help a bit.

I know bm left in the breast can encourage the body to produce less. Maybe if you feel there will be a long spell with no bf, you could just express some quickly whenever - not make a deal of it - just get it out to keep you 'ticking over'. Just skirt it into a cup at the hospital if you have to. So what, just whatever is easiest and gets you through another day.

Over all though - my advice would be to go with your gut feelings and embrace how tough this time is for you.

Other bigger brains will be here soon to give advice based on real knowledge or experience. Like I say mine is hospital based so first 3 days really.

So many struggle so hard to get to 3 days - you have done great work getting to 4.5 months. Make it your mantra.

Am sorry ds1 is also a bit fraught

The best advice I recieved when worrying about dc1 as I fed dc2, was that ultimately your dc1 is seeing you care for and nuture thier sibling. That sends an important message that you care for that sibling and care for him too, no matter how much you are oout of the house etc. Your love extends to all your babies. I thought that was brill. So positive.

Am sorry about your Mum.

received...their...

my spelling. Apologies for any others I am too tired to spot!

I fed ds2 twice a day one day and once a day the next for a couple of months and we're now down to just one bf a day (my choice - he's nearly 1 now). My supply seemed to cope fine so I reckon if you want to bf as and when your body will stil produce milk for a while. This is not based on anything other than my own limited personal experience though.

I really think you should just do whatever seems best for you and your family right now. The 4.5 months you've done so far will have done your ds2 so much good already.

Thinking of you.

xx

You've done an amazing job, please don't allow yourself to think otherwise! Lots of love xxx