Plan to breastfeed DS until he's 1 - DH does not agree - Am I going mad????!

[Dawnchorus]

DS is now 6 months old and has successfully started weaning. As I now work from home, my plan is to keep on breastfeeding until DS 1 year old. DH strongly anti-this. He thinks we should be putting DS on to formula. I resist, pointing out health benefits & hassle of bottles (never mind breastmilk is free...) He says he doesn't know anyone who's breast fed beyond 6 months, that he's worried I am overly attached to DS and I didn't do same for DD... (DD, now 6yo, was breastfed until 8 months - suplemented with formula bottles from 6 months - when I dried up having gone back to stressful work 4 days a week). DH also wants to give DS bottle. I said I would express so he can give bottle. But DH wants to go down the formula route. DS not co-operating in either direction refusing bottles of both expressed milk AND formula. Anyone else had similar issues? Feel I am going completely mad....

No, you are not going mad! You are completely in the right - sounds like your DH is feeling a bit jealous?
Try and get your GP on your side - surely they will say that breastfeeding is best, if that is what you want to do.

also check here

But your Dh obviously has some issues - why would it bother him, if it is you who is doing all the hard work?
As for giving bottles - duh! If your DS is weaning, DH can supervise mealtimes from now on.
Also, try and start using a sippy cup - your DS might prefer that to a bottle.
BTW, I breastfed DS until he was 3, and ONLY fed DD til she was 16 months.

Thank you, thank you RoseOfTheOrient - this was my first Mumsnet post (having joined almost a year ago!) and it's just so heartwarming to know I am not alone...

I BFed until just before 12 months, as planned. IMHO it's a great time to change over as they've got great nutrients for a year, you can go to cow's milk rather than formula, and I wanted to stop before DS got stroppy about not having a feed (he was a bit of a milk monster!). Good luck with what you decide! Oh and welcome to posting (I know it can be scary the first time!)

Hello! Hope you find this forum helpful- I know I did.

Re your post I'm intrigued as to why DH is so keen on formula, specially if he can see that nursing is something you can and want to do that provides his son with nutritional benefits.
And he does know someone who's breastfed over 6 months- you! Didn't you just say you nursed your DD till she was 8 months?

Maybe the age you're aiming for is psychologically disturbing to him. After all 1 year olds 'aren't babies anymore'. You could always just ask him to go with it and keep on nursing. Once he sees how things progress and how well your DS is doing he might change his mind?

shame your husband thinks you are overly attached.. he is your baby boy, being attached is a good thing!

what are you DHs other reasons for giving formula.. you have said you will express so he can give a bottle, so what is the issue? do you think he thinks breasmilk is not nutritious any more?

just because you did not do it for DD, does not mean you should not do it for DS.

as rose has said, there are other things DH can do to feel close to his son.. bathtime is a great time for getting close time.

does he understand that a 1 year old does not feed as much as a newbonr.. does he have visions of a toddler being permanently latched on? is he afraid of people judging you or being embarrassed by an older baby feeding?

Hi there. My husband is very proud I got to 6-1/2 months of feeding and incredibly supportive and has no problems with me breastfeeding and is adamant I don't shuffle away to breastfeed in public or hide away from relatives. He's also more in the AP parenting camp and doesn't feel left out not feeding my daughter.

But he can't envisage me b/feeding to say 2 years old. One year, fine, one and a half maybe, but two makes him feel a bit uneasy.

I'd point out that there's no need to go unnecessarily onto formula because at around 1 year they can go onto cows milk.

Also, point out that there's no cut=off point where a baby suddenly becomes a toddler, so drawing arbitrary lines in the sand is pointless.

Plus, erm, you're doing the hard work, so he should butt out.

Has he seen you really distressed and anxious and run down by breastfeeding? I only ask as Mr Bonkers has seen me tear my hair out, scream, cry and nearly fall over with exhaustion and worry about my low weight baby on and off during these 6-1/2 months and has gently said I could switch to formula if it meant staving off incipient madness.

I think the comment about not knowing anyone b/feed past 6 months is the most telling. That it's other people's views that bother him.

as mentioned, he may change his view once he sees that the BFing naturally reduces as food is established. you could also point out the WHO guidelines on BFing until age 2, or the U.S. guidelines which advise at least one year.

I do think you need to sit down and ask him in a calm and honest way to chat about why he feels the way he does. If you carry on without his support things could get pretty difficult between you. He needs to feel he's being listened to/consulted about how his son his fed. I think you're right to feed for as long as you can but he is his son also...

If you have a chat then something may come out that you can address directly.

You could do it in these categories

what I think
What I feel
The facts
anything else (however weird and wacky, good to get it out!)

Dh's opinions shouldn't be poo pooed just because you disagree. (not saying you are just I do feel it's easy to say -I'm right, you're wrong -butt out)

My ex was a bit like this when I first started bf and it was mainly down to as you say he never knew anyone else that did it. The difference with him was that as time went on and he saw how much both the dc's had thrived on breastmilk he noticed less and less that ds especially (bf him longer) was getting older.
I bf ds until 18 months when he lost interest himself as he was using a cup by that point and that could go walk about with him but my boobs couldn't. Now my ex is the biggest bf supporter I know and every time a baby was born to a colleagues wife he was always the fountain of knowledge and supported the men through the womens hard times getting feeding established etc.

Like another poster said he may change over time as he sees bf naturally decrease as solid intake increases and he may actually really notice less. A
12 months is a great time to choose to stop I mean what is better £7+ on a tub of formula or the cost of a jug of full fat milk?

I bf my two boys till they were 20 months and 16 months (just at bedtime towards the end) and I don't consider myself an extended breastfeeder.
So many people seem to think 6 months is some sort of cut-off point and I don't really understand why.

You cannot possibly be too attached to your 6 month old! The health benefits of breastfeeding are so important, I think you really need to stand your ground on this one. His argument is totally unreasonable. If you are also having trouble getting ds to take a bottle [a common problem] it seems madness to force it on him if you want to continue breastfeeding and are working from home. Would it help if you told him WHO recommend women breastfeed for the first 2 years? [don't want to alarm him though!] Good luck but please try to stand your ground on this one, he is being unreasonable.

What sort of weaning are you doing? Can DH be more involved in solids? Is he around for the evening meal? Getting him involved in bathtimes if he will sounds good.

I would offer DS a cup, mine has one and loves it...will not really accept any milk from a bottle.
I am planning to go to 1 year too....
I think you have to find out why your dh has issues about bf until a year.

I bf my ds until he was nearly 2

It's quite normal imo.

Feeling much less mad now with mumsnetters support. Thank you all. WHO tips very useful. Have found and saved the link in favourites for evidence, if required...Suspect DH's objections rooted in the psyche rather than the practicalities/benefits but probably not wise to come straight out with that! Right now, suffice to be supported that I AM doing the best for DS, am not nuts and will deal with DH as compassionately as possible while standing my ground. Blimey: and it's supposed to be the babies that are exhausting!

Don't think I can add anything to what everyone else has said but just wanted to add my support

Does he come from a family/environment where bfing isn't the norm? Don't want to go down the all-MIL-are-evil route (not least because mine is lovely!) but wondering if there's any outside pressure. It does sound as though he just finds it weird (and six months is so tiny!).

Not quite the same but, like dorisbonkers, I have a DH (and mum) who are huge supporters of bfing up to a certain point but who I know would find it weird at 2 yo ... But that's my bridge to cross if I come to it.

one more thought - I didn't really have a timeline in mind for BFing beyond aiming for the initial 6 months. Since then (now 10 months in), I have told myself and others I'm just taking it month by month. Maybe if you present it that way to DH, that you'll just keep seeing how it goes, it won't sound like such a big deal to him.

Yes, Chandellina, think that's an excellent idea....

I think your husband being a bit weird. Most people I know breastfeed until they are 12 months plus and then give up whenever after that point. La Leche League should give you some good advice and NCT also have lots of information on the benefits of feeding normally rather than succumbing to some bizarre notion/indoctrination by mass 1950's advertising.

I breast fed all mine - 14 months, 11 months and 16 months.

None of them would have a bottle or a dummy - they just looked at me as if I was mad. They all got "beakers" (thats what we had in those days ) and weaned themselves off the breast when something off a plate was more interesting.

Interestingly, they wouldn't drink ordinary cows milk - they were happier with water, so I used to give them lots of cheese, yogurt etc.

I was very sad that ds2 stopped at 11 months, but he was very adept at stealing my dinner off my plate.........

Is it possible he thinks that if you are breastfeeding he'll have to look after your DD and he's reluctant to commit to that? I know it might sound daft but perhaps he thinks he's going to have to distract your DD and he doesn't want the hassle (yes I know it makes no sense.)

Alternatively, is it possible he's frightened about what other people will think? Not that it matters one iota what they might think (and how the hell would they know either) but perhaps he's getting heat from others on the subject.

In any case, just ignore him. If he wants your baby to have increased risk of illness and the rest that's his look-out, you are doing the best for your child.

Actually the one thing that made me feel less "squicky" about longer term bf was someone mentioning to me that bf a 12 month+ child isn't like bf an infant - they are eating much more food at this point and mainly it will probably be bf just in the morning and at night.

Before I heard that, I was planning to bf to 1 year and stop, and I thought that bf an older child was a bit weird. But then you wouldn't bottlefeed a 1, 2 or 3 year old in the same way you'd bottlefeed a tiny baby, and funnily enough I never thought of it that way!