Can't get latching sorted - major confidence crisis

[jasperc163]

Sorry a bit long - I am running out of ideas, v stressed and don't know what to do. DD is now 5.5. weeks and had never really latched on properly (very sleepy during first few weeks, HV and midwife told me she was latching ok but i knew she wasnt, very irregular poos from 2 weeks indicating not getting hind milk, although plenty of wet nappies).

Her weight is pretty much ok so i am not getting pressure from anyone to top up but she is constantly on the nipple and I think now has a learned habit. I have seen a lactation consultant twice at my home (who confirmed not latched) - it seemed to help at the time but i lost the ability to do it afterwards. Went to a BF clinic last week and was told a totally different way of doing it (holding breast whereas LC said not to), again fed ok there but cant seem to get her sorted at home.

Considering going to yet another Clinic tomorrow as can't wait til Wed for the other one but getting desperate and it is affecting my supply to one breast in particular (getting v lopsided). I am beginning to feel like i just cant do this (I had to give up BF with DD1 at 4 weeks as she had severe reflux and just wouldnt feed, however this baby is fine so it is all the more upsetting that I cant seem to do it).

Do some people just not get it sorted despite help? I just dont know what to do anymore, its upsetting me and making me very stressed and hard to live with!

help ?
thanks

nak so can't type long post! but would suggest you spend day in bed with baby, skin to skin and feed her as often as poss like this and this

thanks flamingobingo - unfortunately pretty hard to spend day in bed as have dd1, animals etc but interested to know how would that stop her just grabbing the nipple as she is doing?

appreciate the help - getting really desperate and really dont want to have to give up, which is what will happen if i dont get this sorted soon :-(

Have a look at www.drjacknewman.com - especially the latch videos. There are examples of both good and bad latches and maybe something will remind you of what went right before.

Never heard of infrequent poos being related to hindmilk (or lack of) by the way. Hindmilk/foremilk is a bit of an unfortunate distraction imo. Ignore & just focus on being comfortable when feeding & making sure the milk's getting in - tips on how to check this on Dr Newman's site as well (jaw movement/ear wiggle etc).

Thanks smallchange - i have been on that site but will take another look. The problem for me now is that i think she has learned to nibble at nipple and for some reason, despite help, books and websites i am not able to get her to open her mouth wide enough to get her to take more in her mouth?

re the poos. The lactation consultant mentioned it but i also read a paper on the kellymom site that talked about it.

Oh the small mouth thing...yes, this was a problem for me and ds would open fine at the breastfeeding clinic but I could never quite get the hang of it.

It did get better though. I think him just growing made a huge difference tbh, and I also got quite adept at manually stuffing a good lot of breast into his mouth.

so did you just carry on then knowing that he wasn't latching on properly - did it cause you any problems?

I had very bad nipple damage, but to be honest that was pretty much caused in the first week and just took a very long time to heal.

Bf was painful for me to some degree for a long time (first 16 weeks) and believe me there were some tears shed. I also had a few cases of mastitis/blocked ducts although each time they had a cause which wasn't latch (poorly fitting bra, feeding in a position which put pressure on one part of the breast), and an overactive supply which didn't help with the blocked ducts or the latch I suspect!

All in all it was a fairly fraught time. But you know what, I bf for 14 months and after the worst bit was over it was fab. It really was worth it for me.

Ds gained weight fine and seeing him thrive made it easier. I think I would have struggles more if my problems had been to do with supply.

Another link, if you haven't seen it: www.thetruthaboutbreastfeeding.com. Someone's just posted a link to this blog on another thread. It's really good.

You can't have too much information or support and you shouldn't stop looking for ways to make it better, but it can just get better even when you think it never will.

thanks smallchange :-)

funnily enough my nipples have been pretty ok, but i do think there is a supply issue as a result. Her weight gain to date has been ok, not loads but sufficient. But each feed is very drawn out, not satisfying for her i suspect and v stressful.

Hope you are right re it getting better as i am letting giving up cross my mind for the first time really.

I went to another clinic today - not much help to be honest in that they said they thought my positioning was fine, but they couldnt help me to get her to open her mouth any wider to reach up for the nipple. Was very much hoping for a 'fix'. Running out of ideas!

You say she's gaining weight ok - is that still the case?

Is it the amount of time you're spending feeding that's causing you the most concern?

I think it's quite common for babies to have a preference and better latch on one side rather than another. My left side was ds's preferred one and the easiest to feed from. My right side is now droopier than the left - not sure why but interesting that the left was his preference! Lots of women also successfully bf using just one side so I wouldn't worry too much about that - obv better if it can be fixed.

I hope other people come on this thread soon...I'm not an expert by any means.

Thanks smallchange :-) I am going back to the other clinic i went to last week tomorrow as it was a bit more useful and the woman more 'hands on'. Good link - thanks for that - they have some good articles

Her weight was ok last week but things are def getting worse and i have already had to use some expressed milk at lunchtime as she was obviously hungry.

My main concern is that my supply is being affected (to one breast in particular )by the latch problem (i lose it easily - this happened with DD1 who refused to feed properly because of reflux) and that DD2 is feeding for long periods and still hungry. Ultimately i doubt i can sustain 24/7 feeding with her feeding off my nipple.

jasper, sorry you're having difficulties

I don't know how to comment on this. I don't know what's wrong...though you clearly feel things are not right, and I would take you seriously on this.

Your baby is gaining weight normally, and you are not sore. She feeds a lot and wants to be there often and 'agitates' to feed for a long time and wants to be on again. This could be normal behaviour. Lopsidedness is normal.

Two breastfeeding groups/clinics have thought things were ok, too - not that that means anything as expertise differs a lot.

I am at a loss! Nothing you have said indicates that this is a problem with latch or volume of milk or anything - babies don't have to look like the pictures in order to be attached just fine and if you are not sore and she is gaining weight ok, there's no evidence (to me, from these posts) that positioning and attachment is problematic.

happy to hear more details, though

thanks alot tiktok
sorry maybe i wasnt clear - noone has said the latch is ok (well not since the initial visits by mw and hv in first 2 weeks) - i have seen a lactation consultant and been to 2 clinics - all agreed she was only on the nipple. The one yesterday just said that i was holding her in the right position and that she just wasnt opening her mouth wide enough and that i just needed to keep at it (like i am not doing that all day anyway!). The clinic i went to last week did at least manage to get her to latch on a bit better while i was there - hence why i am going to go back tomorrow.

My nipples are tender but certainly not painful, but she is definitely hungry (i had to give in and give her ebm at lunchtime today and she was heaps happier afterwards)

appreciate everyones help here. thanks again

it's up to you what you can stand but you can be pretty sure that it WILL get better. My son had a terrible latch (on the nipple) and we just couldn't get it solved no matter how many things I read, videos I watched and BFCs I consulted. I was in excruciating pain and a nervous wreck about him not gaining particularly well.

Finally his mouth just got bigger (not that it had even been tiny) and around 10 weeks things really took a good turn. However he still was a very frequent feeder until he was on solids. I always thought he was still hungry, but hey - he did stay on his centile, albeit a low one (9th).

It can be very frustrating, I know, but if you can stick with it there is every chance things will go much more smoothly soon enough. I don't mean to sound like you have to be a martyr, just hoping to encourage you that it can and likely will get better!

Sorry, jasper....I still don't see the problem. She looks as if she is not taking much breast in - but unless that causes problems with her growth or your comfort, I don't think it matters.

What would the feeding be like if she fed as often and as long as she really wanted to? What I am getting at is the apparent need for the bottle of ebm...what if she just stayed on the breast and got the breastmilk that way?

Can I just add that for about the first 8 weeks of breastfeeding I was OBSESSED that I wasn't latching on ok. Partly because I never saw it done in real life (only those vids and brochures where it looks so bloody easy) and partly because -- well, I was obsessed and anxious about my baby's weight (5 lb at birth, she was early).

Anyway. I was convinced that I needed to get more areola in but in reality when a lactation nurse came over she said my areola were so big I'd suffocate my daughter and not to worry.

My daughter's still not a huge opener of her mouth and still while not a stalk sucker, she's more latching onto the nipple and then drawing more in herself.

Her weight gain was good, then tailed off and she's dropped a line or so but at 6months the paediatrician (we see paeds in Singapore, not HVs) said she was absolutely fine and she's a small baby, but thriving.

I managed to exclusively breastfeed for six and a half months and her feeding went from 40-1hr a session to about 5 minutes each side!

So don't give up hope. It sounds like this could be all in your mind, like it was mine, because my latch wasn't what you see in the literature.

Just to add. I think I actually had too much information. I think just going on poos and wees and happiness and acceptable weight gain and the fact I wasn;t in pain was enough. But no, I spent bloody hours on Kellymom doing my head in that I was getting it all wrong.

I think my anxiety needed a home and found a bloody good one in breastfeeding and weight

doris: "I think my anxiety needed a home and found a bloody good one in breastfeeding and weight"....wow, that's a great insight, and I see and hear it a lot with mothers.