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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

i feel really guilty

45 replies

starshaker · 02/05/2005 09:46

when dd was born she was given to me and we did try and bf. she was not in the least bit interested she just screamed. we tried for 4 days and she didnt have anything never once managed to get her latched on and the only time she got something was when it was expressed and given to her. i eventually gave up as it was causing her so much distress and i dont think it helped that the midwife kept trying to get her on was a wee bit rough in my opinion but maybe it was normal anyway i feel really guilty that i didnt feed her myself and feel a bit disappointed in myself that i wasnt able to do it.

sorry just need a moan feeling a bit emotional at the mo but prob just the pg hormones going

OP posts:

Original poster

starshaker · 02/05/2005 14:32

not at all delgirl if my thread is helping u 2 then thats great spent quite a lot of time with alan skin to skin today hence havent been on for a wee bit still doesnt seem interested in feeding but gonna keep trying. shes having a cuddle from her auntie at the mo and im having some food which i keep forgetting to do havent really eaten much since getting out hosp dont seem to have an appitite anymore

OP posts:

nailpolish · 02/05/2005 14:32

lol at nursing kagool - flip down doors in the kagool - one for each boob. brilliant - you should invent one delgirl

DelGirl · 02/05/2005 14:39

lol.

keep persevering starshaker, i'm sure you'll get there. Anyway, nothing like curling up skin to skin is there? I love it when I wake up in the morning and see this cute little me next to me. Not that i'm cute but ykwim! She even sleeps like me, bless her. And, any excuse for a lie down and you can get relatives to bring you things as well, make the most of it.

DelGirl · 02/05/2005 14:41

nailpolish, I may well do that, when I have a spare few hours! All it would take is some scissors and some velcro

mears · 02/05/2005 15:19

Delgirl - by the sound of things your B/F willbe fne. There is no need to resort to formula on the basis of weight when you have had such conflicting weights with different scales etc. I honestly would be tempted to decline weighing tomorrow. Baby sounds happy, she is weeing and has changing colour poos which means she is getting milk. Chicken korma curry sauce was more the colour my babe's poos went. When you are feeding you could collect the milk you are leaking from the other side - waste not want not you know {smile]

Starshaker - i am sure you will get there. Stick with it.

tiktok · 02/05/2005 16:29

Ypu are certainly doing fine, from the evidence you give here, DelGirl I can't see what benefit weighing would bring, either...you can decline, as mears says.

Star, you have made a great start, and it's great you have help and support. Don't forget to express.....often

Clayhead · 02/05/2005 16:32

LOL at chicken korma coloured poo!!

Brings back memories...

DelGirl · 02/05/2005 17:47

I wouldn't say it's quite korma coloured yet, more orange, almost rust coloured, well the marks rust leaves behind iykwim. Can't think of anything else to compare it to really. I'll see what the m/w thinks of it tomorrow, hopefully it'll be ok. Thanks

suedonim · 02/05/2005 17:47

Delgirl, I went through that scales difference thing with dd. My dd seemed to lose a whole pound between the labour ward and post-natal ward! She went from 8lb1oz to 7lb1oz. I had a very experienced MW at home, who just picked dd up, and pronounced her to be about 7lb. Even so, it did worry me esp as her weight gain thereafter was very s..l..o..w. But we got there in the end. Wish I'd had Mumsnet at the time, though!

DelGirl · 03/05/2005 14:08

Just thought i'd up this. I did have her weighed this morning and she's gained 60 grams since last Thursday, which although it isn't a huge amount, at least we're heading in the right direction, at last!

tiktok · 03/05/2005 14:34

Delgirl, that's good news...the weight is in the right direction

Was this weighing one you can be confident in - that is, naked baby and electronic scales?

DelGirl · 03/05/2005 14:52

YEP. sHE'S DUE TO BE WEIGHED AGAIN BY THE HV ON tHURSDAY, SO IF SHE HAS ANOTHER GAIN, I'LL BE VERY HAPPY. SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS

DelGirl · 03/05/2005 14:52

YEP. sHE'S DUE TO BE WEIGHED AGAIN BY THE HV ON tHURSDAY, SO IF SHE HAS ANOTHER GAIN, I'LL BE VERY HAPPY. SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS

andif · 03/05/2005 15:39

Why do midwives/nct insist that bf is the most natural thing in the world, and send us on such guilt trips if we don't succeed, when for some of us it is so difficult? I had so much milk, and ds1 had such bad colic, that bf became a nightmare of both of us covered in milk, him gulping to keep up, then screaming for hours with colic. Now pg with no.3 I will definitely try, but know there are more important things to worry about if I don't succeed! (World poverty, mortgage, election........!)

Starshaker, you should be proud of yourself for trying at all. Please try not to stress about it - it's far more important to enjoy these magical times with a new baby and not beat yourself up.

I found it terribly difficult with ds1 and got so upset, but my GP Father said I should be pleased for what I had managed and not to worry about giving up. I immediately relaxed and both myself and the baby were far happier.

tiktok · 03/05/2005 17:31

andif, no one has sent anyone on a guilt trip. Starshaker's feelings come from inside her, not from midwives/nct.

Of course mothers should enjoy time with their babies, and can do that best without feeling bad about theselves.

Original poster

starshaker · 03/05/2005 20:07

the thing i felt bad about where the midwifes were concerned was that they had spent so much time trying to help and then i gave up. i know they were a bit rough but then thats what i thought about the doc when he was examining her and they were prob fine and i was just feeling over protective. i felt like i had wasted there time. i also felt guilty that i couldnt feed her myself but dont feel so bad now as i realise that there are more important things and the fact that im getting skin to skin and being close to my baby and the fact that she is feeding better with the bottle (which was another reason i was getting upset). she is such a happy and content wee thing and i know i just have to enjoy her and not stress that i didnt manage to feed her myself. im still trying and not having any success but im not worrying about it anymore as shes happy and thats what matters. thanx for every1 who has helped me and ill keep trying but if it doesnt happen then i know ive done my best.

OP posts:

andif · 03/05/2005 21:10

Glad to hear you so positive now Starshaker.

Not sure how I rattled your cage, tiktok, I was just relating my experience which you know nothing about and which DID involve being sent on a guilt trip!!!!!
Obviously all midwives and nct tutors and breastfeeding counsellors are absolutely fantastic, realistic and never to blame in anyway whatsoever. Are you one by the way!!?

aloha · 03/05/2005 21:17

Andif, but Starshaker said herself that nobody 'made' her feel guilty, but she felt sad that she couldn't breastfeed her baby because she wanted to. I don't know why you are so angry with Tiktok, she didn't say anything at all about your experience - perhaps because you didn't say anything at all about anyone'making' you feel guilty. She has been supportive to and unjudgemental of Starshaker all the way through this thread.

aloha · 03/05/2005 21:19

BTW starshaker, I bet they were rough, and as Tiktok says, there is evidence that babies who are manhandled like this can actually be less likely to latch on.
You sound much happier now and that's great.

tiktok · 03/05/2005 22:42

andif.....eh???? I wasn't commenting at all on your experience, but starshaker's - your comment about 'why guilt trips?' was clearly meant for starshaker to identify with.

My cage wasn't a bit rattled

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