Breastfeeding 7 day old baby - exhausted, feel like I am getting it wrong (long sorry)

[littleduck]

I am in tears as I type.

I have finally got my 7 day old baby to settle after a feeding period of 1hr 15 mins, including winding and change of dirty clothes and nappy. I am dreading her waking up again for another feed as I am still feeling exhausted from feeding her from 10pm until just before 2am this morning. She wasn't actually swallowing milk throughout, quite a bit of the time she was just sucking at the nipple, I think for comfort.

We tried to ease her off a few times and when we did she just screamed until put back on. Once or twice she did come off by herself but wouldn't settle and after being put back in her little moses basket she just screamed until back at the breast. Eventually she fell asleep in bed next to me at around 2, dp put her back into her crib. We all slept until just after 6 when she fed again.

My breasts felt totally empty from around midnight, very soft and squashy, they never feel particularly full and hard like they did when my milk came in last Friday. I am worried I am not making enough milk for her hence she fed so long last night just to try and get what she needs.

In desperation dp went out at 1am to get some formula which we could feed her if needed although it didn't come to that - still have the formula in case though. I don't want to use it but feel as if she needs more milk than I have to give her. should I top up with the formula in the evening, say?

Midwife called yesterday and weighed the baby who is nearly back at her birthweight. she does plenty of wet and dirty nappies so she must be getting something from me but worried it is not enough.

Baby was very mucousy and slightly jaundiced when born, very sleepy and had to wake her for feeds, currently following hospital advice to feed at least every 3hrs and more if she wants it. Usually still have to wake her for feeds, she will feed and then comfort suck for a bit before settling to sleep.

Should I offer one breast at a feed or both? should she spend a certain amount of time on one breast before being offered the other? When she was on for 4 hrs last night I had to keep switching between the two, too sore otherwise

I also don't know if I am doing the right things about winding and changing, usually she will come off the breast and then want more after a few moments (kind of like having main course and pause before pudding) so I wind her in between times and change her nappy then, should I only wind and change her once she has finished pudding so to speak? If I do it that way round she does not seem to settle.

I feel awful because I am not really enjoying her or enjoying being a mum at the moment. I am worrying every time she wakes about how long she will feed for and how long it will take me to settle her to sleep afterwards. I know I shouldn't stress as she will pick up on it but I am finding it hard to relax and cope with all this.

Sorry for long ramble, too tired to think coherently

any advice really appreciated, at end of tether.

x

Not an expert but my bf son had colic and he was doing the same as your daughter going to the breast but not feeding and would only sleep next me I'm sure someone who knows more will be along now.

I'm not an expert either, but wanted to offer you what reassurance I can, from having bf DS and now in the middle of bf DD.

Gaining weight and the wet and dirty nappies is great - you are making milk, your baby is getting big and healthy on it - you are doing it right

The long, long feeds are normal - they are about your baby making sure your milk supply keeps up with her needs. So she is sucking and nibbling and keeping stimulating your breasts to encourage your body to make loads of milk, not because there isn't any there now, but so there will be lots tomorrow, and next week, and next month. And I say that from the point of view of someone with serious oversupply issues- my babies have both gone through this, even though milk was everywhere! She's doing it right too!

And I have no idea about the nappy changing bit - I am very slack about that, and change after a poo or when DD's nappy feels heavy or when I remember (poor neglected second child that she is)

Hugs for the exhaustion too - bf is very exhausting especially at first, but you sound like you are doing a great job.

Try co sleeping. It will be much more restful for you

It's very early days- congratulations first and foremost...it sounds like you are doing fine, and if she has nearly regained her birthweight I reckon she's doing OK too
Take advantage of the looooooong feeds to sit (or lie) on the sofa and watch some boxed set dvds and be waited on....(or if that's not possible, have some lush biscuits and something to drink close by) and use it as a time to rest a while...
The more she feeds, the more you'll have afterwards, so though it seems a pain it's for the best...
I always had a tub of formula in the cupboard as well, especially as I was also convinced in the first few weeks when she would be irritable in the evening that I didn't have enough. I did give her a bit a few times, but then stopped when I realised that my supply really was OK.
Take care. x

littleduck - sounds like you are doing everything right and i'm sure a breastfeeding counsellor will come along soon (i'm a mum and not trained, but had jaundiced ds who was in scbu and tube fed initially as he lost weight from the jaundice).
but constant feeding is totally totally normal in early weeks and the weeing/pooing/gaining weight are key measures of whether your lo is getting enough milk. your boobs won't feel as hard as they did when the milk came in and babies do feed for long periods initially to establish supply.
just wanted to reassure you really. you are doing brilliantly. it's also a learning curve - your lo is still so little and is gaining strength and expertise at feeding day-by-day.
good luck - but you are doing so well. everything you type sounds normal to me. things will calm down in time

Experts will be along soon!

FWIW, you are doing fine, by the sounds of it! Your DD's behavious on and off the breast is normal, but knackering for mum, I know!
In all seriousness, try and take the lead from her, there is no right or wrong in terms of winding/changing/feeding more or less. Go with her cues - she is still TINY and imagine what a change she had to adjust to in the last few days: from cossetted inside your tummy to world full of sensory input, from being dripfed all the time to having to find her food herself etc etc.

Look at the kellymom and Dr Jack Newman websites - I will be back with links.

Can you spend some time with her in bed with lots of skin to skin contact, just cuddling and holding and feeding on and off as she wants?
Consider co-sleeping (only thing that allowed me to survive)?

If she is weeing and pooing, looking well, and ultimately gaining some weight, you are doing fine.

Yes, I only change nappies after poo! Winding: try baby over your shoulder or lying tummy down over your forearm (known in our house as "sleeping lion", daddies arms are v well suited for this ).

Get through this time and you will reap the rewards. I know I found this v v hard and only really succeeded with DS3 because I managed to roll more with the flow.

It does sound as if you are doing really well. My dd is now 6 m old but she was a constant feeder too.

Winding - My advice would be to wind at the end of the feed or if she flexes away from the breast.

Nappies - I must admit to being quite sloppy about nappies too - they are so good now! WHen my sons two were little, we changed nappies after every feed because they used to fall apart otherwise but now I leave it until dirty or squishy (and to be honest, I actually completely forgot about the nappies one day during dd's first week [embarrassed]- we all survived!

I do feel for you - I didn't enjoy dd's first week much either- sore, tired, nipples on fire,. baby coming at boobs like a small wild animal etc. It will get better but stay on the board and soak up the advice and support

everything you've described sounds very normal and actually very good. honest!

i remember one night when dd was about a week old and dh was ready to call an ambulance because he couldn't believe she should be feeding so much and not just going to sleep when we put her down.

it does come as a big shock that teeny babies don't do 'feeds' and 'naps' and 'settle.' they mostly just want to be right near you, so if that means they have to keep latched on then they will.

have you looked on kellymom.com for bf info? it really is fab. also tiktok on here is a bf counsellour so always gives good info

kellymom

Dr Jack Newman
I found the videos particularly useful

Oh, and forgot: congratulations on arrival of your DD!

oh yes to the co-sleeping (how on earth does anyone manage with the baby in a separate bed in a different room? I haven't the energy), and yes to the box-sets. I'm currently part way through series 2 of the West Wing, which is fantastic. And I've watched all of 'House' too! With DS, who was very unsettled as a newborn, I watched the whole of the Commenwealth games from Australia (on all night, so perfectly timed for a new baby). Try to suspend 'normal' and just accept things for a while.

you could always call national breastfeeding network 0300 100 0212 or la leche 0845 120 2918 if you want to speak to someone.

I think worry when you have a newborn is practically obligatory. I know with dd I worried for ages about every minute detail, to the extent that I almost missed the big picture which was a) she was healthy, b) she was obviously thriving in terms of weight gain.

The best advice when they are so little is to take to your bed, with her, and feed when she wants to feed and sleep whenever she sleeps. See the first couple of weeks at least as a "lying in" period and just follow her cues.

WRT winding, I still maintain that being able to get wind out of a small baby is a dark art, one that mostly grandmothers and elderly spinster great aunts are good at. But failing being able to source a crone to do it, imagine her tummy as a nearly full hot water bottle. Lie her on your lap and gently bring her up to vertical, keeping in mind the mental image of a bubble of air in the tummy that needs to come out as you raise her to vertical. Experiment with different holds. The tiger in the trees, her on her tummy along your arm. Gentle bobbing or dipping as you walk the room. Walking up and down stairs. Also realised, having seen ace midwife in action, that quite vigorous patting seemed to do the trick. I was being far too wussy and reticent in how I held her, as if she was an unexploded bomb. DH used to have her on his lap, with her neck supported by his open hand, rubbing her back, and that also worked after a fashion.

Littleduck, just wanted to say well done to you, like others on here I've been through what you are going through, but looking back they were some of the sweetest times in my life (hindsight is a wonderful thing). I had a constantly feeding baby for the first few weeks but was lucky DH had 2 week paternity leave so while he looked after DD1, I saw my only job as feeding DD2. I fed her till she self weaned at 10 months, and honestly still miss it 3 years later.
Problem with BF is that there aren't enough people to tell you what a bloody good job you are doing. Stick with it and you will get to that glorious phase where you love sitting down to feed your baby while watching the TV and not feeling guilty you should be doing something else.

how are thing today littleduck?