I'm a bit confused. Why do I hear some women say they needs lots of support to BF and others say they BF because it's easier than FF (genuine question)

[HeinzSight]

I failed miserably each time to BF and am determined to give it another go when this LO arrives in August.

I'm trying to get everything in place so that what happened last time doesn't occur again, ie being told by GP and HV I couldn't BF because of ADs. I now know this isn't the case so have spoken to my GP who is lovely and is open to suggestions and doing a bit of research himself.

My DH has a paralysed arm so it's difficult for him to support me in practical areas. We also have a DD who will be 23 months when this LO arrives.

I guess what I'm asking is, why do I often read that the only way women have managed to sustain BF is to have had the support system around them.

I need reassurance please.

I also have read on here that quite often women BF because it's easier and they're lazy

I needed emotional and practical support because it wasn't bloody easy at first - I needed help getting the right technique (had cracked nipples and mastitis). And emotional support when the going was tough to encourage me to keep at it! Suggest you make sure you have the numbers of b/f counsellors - NCT and La Leche League - in case it's not as easy as 'baby, meet breast'. But once you do have that sorted out, it's lovely (and easier - no faffing around with bottles)!

Practical support from dp could be looking after the older one, cooking and cleaning while you are busy feeding - newborns tend to feed for a long time. Dunno how your dp's arm limits him but presumably he can do some of this?

BF can be difficult for some women. Early difficulties can make it really tempting to give up if you don't have the necessary support, or people undermine your confidence.

But there are always some people who manage it really easily with no problems - they are lucky, and early confidence means that they find it easy and don't need the extra support.

I really hope you get the support you need if you need it. But you never know, it could be a case of third time lucky

I found bfing the easiest thing in the world and never needed any help ever.
Some women don't find it easy and need help and support.
Whilst not meaning to be rude, as all women are different, why is that the slightest bit difficult to understand?

i think the support is largely psychologival not necessarily physical. bfing can be hard and on topof everythingelse you need a partner who says positive, encouraging things to stop you quitting. i know if my dh had been ahgainst the idea i would';ve had a hard time keeping going when ds was literally sucking my nips olff. now my writing is shite because i'm bfing dd with other hand, and dh is siytting beside us laughing at dd's sound fx. do try and give it 6 weeks, and ask ask ask for help if you need it. once it clicks it's fab!

I guess I'm looking for reassurance pagwatch, I need to get everything straight in my head. I suffer terribly with PND and this was a huge impact on my decision to give up. I genuinely didn't know what it meant by support. I understand more now having started this thread and am glad I have. I understand that support can mean encouragement, this is something DH won't have any problems with.

see everyone said it better and faster than me! wanted to add, don't forget it is something you and lo both have to learn - for many women it doesn't come instantly. good luck!

I didn't need any support for actual breastfeeding, but I did need waiting on hand and foot for the first few weeks - breastfeeding is very timeconsuming in the early days!

Heinz, I admire your determination. That on its own will help you BF this time around. Please don't think you failed - it sounds like you were given duff information for a start. And having a good GP is a comfort - you know you have somewhere sympathetic to go, and it sounds like he's up for making sure he's up to date on info.

I think people mean different things by support. Some women do seem to have an 'easier' time bfing than others - but that could mean physically (e.g. their baby latched with no issues, so no initial soreness; the demand-supply balance sorted itself quickly so little or no engorgement etc) or just that they are in a family/culture/whatever that accepts breastfeeding as the norm. It's certainly easier to get bfing established in your own time when you haven't got DPs, MILs, GPS, midwives, the woman at the bus stop saying 'oh, just give her a bottle' blah blah blah. Or a combination or those things. I had massive emotional support from my family, so that was 'easy' - no battles to be had there. But I wouldn't have kept going without access to the NCT counsellors and NHS infant feeding advisor. I need practical help because both I and DD were shit at latching, so got very sore very quickly.

Despite that, I would still say Bfing was 'easier', because once we'd got the physical problems sorted out I didn't need to deal with all the equipment, and didn't even have to think 'have I packed milk' when I went out the door - it was always on tap, at the right temperature, and had a never-ending supply. I think that's what people mean when they say its easier.

I would heartily recommend getting all the bfing support telephone numbers, drop in clinic times etc assembled and stick them on your fridge door, so just in case you do need support of any kind at the beginning, you can get it - and that's the kind of thing your DH can help with.

Breastfeeding when it is going well is the easiest thing in the world. You don't have to plan anything or buy anything or sterilise anything. Baby is hungry: Put baby on boob. Job done.

I have been so thankful to be breastfeeding on a number of occasions; when we rushed my older daughter to hospital and ended up staying in for hours and hours the baby was fine because I was all he needed; when our plans have changed or we've been delayed etc etc, no stress about having enough formula or bottles or anything. Also, when he wakes to feed at night I just roll over and doze off again. Easy.

HOWEVER - breastfeeding doesn't always go well (as you know all too well) and this is where the support is needed. If things go wrong you need support to get it right. And even if things do go well, you need support to get feeding established, but that support really just takes the form of encouragement and giving you time and space to do nothing but feed as far as possible at first.

With dd I had a truly dreadful time and wouldn't have managed to continue if it weren't for my dp's encouragement and solid belief in me, and practical things like him doing all the cooking, bringing me snacks and paracetamol and lansinoh.

With ds I haven't really needed 3 minutes of support because I was expecting it to be terrible again and it was so much better than I expected (less than a week of pain, and even that not excruciating) so it's been great.

In the interests of full disclosure I should add that I've never sterilised a bottle or made up formula in my life so it might be a lot less faff than I imagine. For a disorganised person like me though, bf is a dream.

Good luck!!

I think because we need supoort to do all aspects of all parenting.

Formula feeders need support too, getting up at 4am is a tart whichever way you cut it, and exhaustion tears need sympathy and understanding. Mixing feeds when your eyes wont open is exhausting.

I got emotional support from the nct, here, midwife and partner

practical support form the same but also family [cleaning etc]

I'd still have needed it however I fed. Maybe get in touch with suport froups antenatally to start addressing some of your concerns?

Oops, sorry, x-posting there...

Some women need support to get it established. Then, once established it's easier than ff as you have a constant supply of milk at the exact right temperat8ure wherever you happen to be, any time of day.
Others don't need any help (myself included) to get established but that's down to the luck of the draw imo.

I found it hard to get started bf- ing and so was glad that i had support from my HV and nursery nurse. But... I found that once I got past the first 3 weeks (with both babies) it all fell into place and was absurdly easy for me.
I too have said that bf is easier than ff for me. I am a lazy cow and found it much easier to roll over in bed and pop a baby on my breast than to haul myself downstairs and heat up a bottle of formula.

I was in your position when pregnant with DD two years ago after giving up at almost 6 weeks with DS1 and like you did lots of research online, in books and finding out what support groups were available locally to help me out. We had our moments, but I found things much easier the second time around and knowing that MN was there to help and that my DH was supportive and could help in practical ways helped me through the difficult patches.

For me, the worst times were when I was pinned to the sofa under a cluster feeding baby and my older DC needed dealing with as well. Once DH went back to work he was away through the week so I was on my own. It was hard, but after the first six weeks or so things got much much easier.

Could you hire a maternity nurse or a mother's help in the early weeks if your DH's disability means he might not be able to help practically?

I think that forewarned is forearmed though and you sound like you are doing all the right things to ensure success this time around.

Re ADs, I am under the care of the local perinatal mental health service and their drug of choice for BFing mums is Sertraline.

Good Luck

I was extremely lucky to have had 3 babies who arrived knowing how to extract milk from me efficiently. In consequence I found breastfeeding both easy and entirely problem free. It was definitely the lazy option for me as it meant I could feed while still asleep (husband usually fetched crying baby while I slept on (I sleep rather too well while breastfeeding) and awoke only long enough to latch baby on and go back to sleep).

Some babies need longer to learn how to do it efficiently, resulting in mums with sore nipples, cracks, mastitis (which I did have once with child 3 and has nothing to commend it) and general feelings of failure. I think that with right support, many women could overcome these significant early problems and go on to feed successfully and more easily than formula feeding. Many doctors and HCPs do not know how to advise properly about breastfeeding.

You have time before August to find the right person to advise you. It has to be someone you feel comfortable with, and who you don't feel squeamish discussing things with. ime of NCT breastfeeding counsellors, they are usually wonderful matter of factish women who will spend any length of time with you to help you achieve your goal of successful breastfeeeding. Do you know anyone who is one? It would be even better if they were a friend (and you have time to become friends with one between now and then).

Good luck! I'll be crossing fingers that it all goes more smoothly for you with this one.

thank you all so much for your posts - brilliant advise.

I do remember after DD a couple of moments that had a profound effect on me.

1. DD was 5 days old, latch brilliant, was happily snuggled up on sofa feeding her when midwife arrived who promptly said 'your baby's too hot, so it sleepy, strip her off to wake her up, if you don't you'll end up sitting up all night feeding (MY WORST NIGHTMARE).

2. Certain friends frowning at the idea of me attempting to BF, this made me feel embarrassed (stupid I know) when they came to visit so I would get out the formula.

3. DH was really worried about me as my PND was so bad (felt suicidal at times) and saw me struggling to get (a now frustrated DD who was getting used to teats) DD to latch on, he said to me 'you can't keep on doing this, get a bottle' His heart was in teh right place.

4. DD had a terrible in the evenings and was inconsolable, I discovered she had silent reflux, when she started baby Gaviscon she was fine.

DH is more than happy to go along with whatever decision I make. I think explaining to him before I've had the baby (and the PND strikes) that I need his encouragement to continue even if I'm tearing my hair out will be a good thing ultimately.

LackaDAISYcal, I'm waiting to see the Community Mental health team.

I also have a good friend who helps run a BF support group, she also knows my concerns and am sure will be on teh end of the phone when I need her.

This thread has helped me enormously and I feel immensely encouraged.

My mantra I think needs to be 'STICK AT THIS, IT'LL GET EASIER AND'LL BE WORTH IT IN THE END'

Breastfeeding is hard for about the first three to four weeks. Many women get into problems with positioning the baby and suffer sore/ cracked nipples. Where women need the support is with getting the positioning right.

However once the milk supply is established and the baby knows how to latch on it is very easy.

I suggest that you go to a La Leche League meeting before your baby arrives. You would learn how to avoid many breastfeeding problems as well as getting to know breastfeeding councellors.

Incidently I took sertaline while breastfeeding. I believe there are other anti depressants suitable for BF mothers as well.

Sorry just read that back and there were loads of mistakes, hope it made sense, I'm rushing because my lovely 'one armed' DH is trying to get DD ready so we can get out the door. He's amazing

1. I don't think your midwife helped, but you probably already know that... Sounds like you and your DD would have been pros very quickly if you'd gone with the flow as it were, instead of having your MW interfere.

2. Don't let those friends come to visit for at least 2 weeks!

3. If your DH understands how very keen you are on breastfeeding, and you convince him to encourage you no matter how tough the going gets (give him the list of people he can call to help you if and when you need it), I'm sure he will be a tower of strength and help.

4. Reflux that can be shit I've heard, but I think it is possible to BF a refluxy baby. Even colicky babies grow out of it usually by around 12-14 weeks, whether you bf or ff.

Heinz - I think it's really important to consider dh role as huge. He needs to be 100% behind you [which is is] but to do that he needs to be armed with knowledge. I feel men like to fix and rescue those in distress.So arm him and he will feel usefull and motivated, which will help you.

So get him learning about the benefits and techniques of bf the same way you would, it will help. If he can recognise a good latch, or see errors in positioning [say a baby too high], if he knows the flash points where problems occur [say at growth spurts] he will be supportive in a very meaningful way.

This is just my opinion, but it helped us I know.

heinz...was it your DH who was running either the London Marathon or the Great North Run a couple of years ago?

Just a thought; the reason my dh was such a rock for me in the early, shitty times before dd and I got the hand of bfing, was because he'd been to the bfing lessons with me and read up about it and was as informed as I was. He knew what was helpful and what wasn't, and he was also as committed to bfing as I was. He understood.

My point entirely. Hurrah for knowledge.