Hi there, Ok, here goes...
My dd 1 went on nursing strike at 3 months - I had just had a period and she started when it had finished completely.
She started to scream and protest when I put her on my nipple, she would act like someone was hurting her and I found it extremely upsetting and hurtful.
Since I was occasionally expressing and giving her a bottle, I just expressed and bottle fed - which she lapped up without a problem. I decided to keep trying to breastfeed as like you was hoping to do it for a year or so.
Each time I tried to nurse her she continued to scream and behave in the same way and I continued to express for EVERY feed...I became a slave to the damn pump!
Bizarrely, there was a couple of mornings that she would agree to breastfeed and I'd be all happy and relieved that the strike has ended but then again she would scream at the next meal.
I always offered her breast before the bottle but she always rejected in the same upsetting way.
My husband would say, "nevermind just express" but it was a horrible experience to be rejected in this way.
I went to a breastfeeding workshop and there was a specialist there who said in her 20 odd years experience (if I remember correctly) the baby will come back on with perseverance but admitted she never saw such a reaction. She advised me to try a nipple shield - Didn't make a difference!
I called LLL and they said it sounded like I was doing everything right but only time would tell...she never went back on and I ended up exclusively expressing for 3 months for EVERY feed as I said to myself that I wanted my dd to have breastmilk for at least 6 months...It was not easy and in fact, the hardest 3 months of early motherhood although I am very pleased I did it for her.
Now, there are a few speculations as to why this happened - introducing bottle too early, baby taking a dummy, the onset of my period OR (and the one I choose) - My dd is just a difficult eater - She remains so to this day and weaning her was a pain in the butt and not enjoyable at all unfortunately!
I really hope that your LO returns to the breast but if she doesn't, please don't beat yourself up for it, I know what you are feeling and it is very upsetting indeed. Well done for doing all you can for her and keeping up the expressing, it's not easy and I can honestly say that if it happened to me again with dd2 (nearly 5 months), I couldn't do it again!
Funnily enough, dd2 REFUSES to take a bottle or dummy. I have created a huge stockpile of EBM just in case though but hopefully I will not have to use it to REPLACE breastfeeding.
Feel free to contact me if you want to talk more about it... I found that a lot of my breastfeeding friends were not particularly helpful as they couldn't understand why this happened and felt that I was doing things "wrong" which I am sure was not the case. And family (particularly my hub) couldn't see why I was so upset.
Lots of love x