Dreading the thought of BFing. Could it be different this time?

[YesSirICanBoogie]

I had a terrible time trying to BF. DD couldn't latch on and I've got flat nipples. She got very frustrated and screamed the place down. MW, BF expert nd HV kept telling me to persevere but after a few days began expressing and giving it to her in a bottle. Expressing made me feel extremely nauseus and my memories of that time are sitting alone in the kitchen at 3 in the morning gagging whilst barely getting any milk. I had to supplement my BM with Formula and after a few weeks she seemeed to be getting so much more formula than BM that I gave up. This made me so much happier. I'm due to give birth again any day and the thought of BFing is filling me with dread. I really want to FF but feel I should give BFing another try. Has anyone had a similar experiences?

I think you have decide what you want to do. If you really want to bottlefeed then that is OK. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.

If you are going try breastfeeding again then you need to prepare yourself, by educating yourself about avoiding problems of breastfeeding. Otherwise you will have a repeat of the same experience.

The big thing to remember is positioning. Baby's tummy needs to be next to your tummy, point your nipple to the baby's nose and make sure the baby's mouth is wide open. You need to get as much of the areola (the dark bit of the breast) into the baby's mouth.

The biggest problem that many women experience is that its hard to put theory into practice at 3am when you are desperately tired. If your partner is willing its worth him knowing the theory so he can remind you at 3am.

I would also invest in some nipple shields and lansinsoh. Although only use the nipple shield if you do get sore.

I found it much easier the second time. The first time for me was horrible, and I was in pain for weeks. The second time was completely different. I think that the second time I just knew more about how th position a baby, so I didnt get into the mess that I had the first time.

I would suggest you give a helpline a ring and have a chat about what happened last time and how you might approach things this time. See what local support you can line up too (more than just the MWs and HVs though they may know of someone. It doesn't sound like you found the right bf person last time).
I can see why you may be nervous based on your previous experience but if you find the right support - latching, suggestions for drawing out nipples, even possibly using a shield if nipples are really flat - then this time round could be completely different and a really positive experience. If you don't give it a go you may simply never know.
Every baby/mum partnership is different. I used to have very flat nipples (not so flat now!) and with the right latching advice I worked out OK.

Yes I have. Tried to get DD1 to latch on for 4 months and she never did - and I got all the help and great support going. She had EBM (I hired a massive pump) and formula but even with the bottle never latched on to the teat - just had it poured into her mouth. After 4 months I was exhausted by the confusion and strain of it all (my mum was very ill too and I was taking her to oncology appointments etc) so ff exclusively and was MUCH happier. Eventually (at around 7 months) she seemed to take the bottle more happily. DS latched on beautifully but HUGELY painful - nipples in shreds etc and again had good support but mum dying by then and I couldn't give the time to DS to get it well established so ff after the first 3 weeks. Some EBM but than dwindled pretty fast. DD2 fed well too and was painful so didn't persevere - FIL was terminally ill when she was born and died three weeks later so not great for focussing on bf. Think I would have done in better circumstances but since all mine are the only kids in the family without any allergies or eczema I'm not too bothered now - all the cousins were bf and have every allergy going so that stopped me feeling bad about it.

But interested to read you felt nauseous expressing - I expressed a lot but hated it for that reason. It also made me feel very depressed, as if the whole of existence was completely futile - but the second I stopped pumping - each time not overall - I was fine. Maybe hormonal but having my breasts touch by boyfriends has always made me feel like that - except DH for some reason. Have one other friend who felt the same.

If we had a fourth (!) I would probably bf at least for the first few days but really loved ff - loved the eye contact etc and just as snuggly as bf. Also I found the idea of bf hugely suffocating - hated my babies being dependent on me for food so ff was great for me. If bf worked it would be nice but I'm no longer that bothered.

I'd give it a go - you might have a completely different experience this time. Get help about it now - ring a NCT counsellor or local bf support. People will help on here too but a lot will tell you to keep going when you really don't want to. If that is the case do what makes your home and yourself happy and if you ff just don't feel guilty and enjoy every minute of that baby gazing up at you. Good luck.

i have managed it third time round!

there is nothing wrong with ff in my personal opinion....my ftrst two thrived on it....i'm convinced that the temperament of the baby helps also.

no3 is 6.5wks and were still managing to bf

I had v similar experience to yours, flat nipples, nightmare getting dd1 to latch on, and the pain!! Did lot of expressing and mixed feeding (BM and FF) and managed to struggle on to 7 months before giving up bf. Was v heavily reliant on nipple shields to get her on all the way through.

Roll on 2 years and had dd2 - latched on straightaway (despite having had a c-section), fed brilliantly and was a much better experience. Still had painful times as well, don't get me wrong, but not nearly as bad, and she was bf exclusively until 12 months (only just given up). So although you might be prepared for it to be as bad as first time (I went to hospital second time around with pump, bottles, etc), it might actually be better! As a couple of others have posted, get some nipple shields (I found Mothercare ones the best) and maybe try Avent niplettes, which draw the nipple out first before feeding. Good luck with it all, hope it goes so much better than you're expecting!

And KillingNemo, big medal to you, think you must have made a sterling effort to carry trying to bf through all of that trauma.

I could have written your OP word for word after DS1 was born. I tried again with DS2 and it wasn't easy at first, but it was possible I did manage it. I ended up bf for 17 months! Really hope you have an easier time this time. Good luck!

Thankyou Hairy Godmother. I did get a fair few 'oh, you're not feeding her yourself?' comments too, which in those days made me feel awful in the circumstances - explaining it all was too long a story.