Bf early days but I don't know if I'm cut out for it and getting really upset

[EsmeWeatherwax]

I'm trying to bf my 12 day old dd2, but I just feel very confused by the whole thing, and in truth, not a touch abandoned by mw's etc.

I had dd by elcs on the Friday before last and was discharged from hospital on the Sunday. This coincided with dd developing jaundice, which made her very sleepy for the next 24 hrs or so, in fact, she was feeding less by the time I left hospital. She ended up losing 10.7% of her birthweight, and had virtually no wet nappies til Monday night, and no poos until Tuesday.

I was told to feed every three hours at least, and to express milk and cup feed it to her after feeds. I didn't really get on too well with this,and anything I did manage to express, she just spat up anyway.

She's gaining weight back, I have been not letting her go longer than three hours between feeds, and feeding on demand more as she has started to become more wakeful, also nappies are plentiful!

But I'm just always second guessing myself. I worry that she's not getting enough, or that I'm getting it wrong, right down to I'm going to fall asleep when feeding her night and smoosh her with one of my football sized boobs! I don't have any appetite wither,and I'm worried that she'll not be getting much nutritionally from me. I seem to be on the verge of tears all the time, it just seemed so much easier to ff dd1, at least I knew she was getting enough to eat, and was putting on weight fine.

I don't even really know what I'm asking for here, possiby just to know if it sounds likeI'm doing ok? Sobbing as I type!

Sounds like you're doing wonderfully. She's gaining weight, feeding well, spending more time awake and filling her nappies. It's not second guessing yourself, it's learning to trust yourself.

your body prioritises making lovely milk, even if you're not eating well, so she'll be fine. You, however, will feel better if you're getting enough good food. Do you have anyone around to help you; if you're exhausted cooking can feel like too much.

There are lots of more knowledgable people than me on here, who I'm sure will be along, but having bf my three, and been through the tears and self-doubt, I wanted to say you sound like you're doing everything right. Except eating! She's a lucky girl with a great, caring mum.

Sounds like you're doing absolutely brilliantly! I'm not an expert but it sounds like the feeding's going as it should be, with plentiful nappies etc. It also sounds like you had a bit of a stressy time of it to start with, so I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit anxious.

Someone posted this link in another thread that has all the breastfeeding helpline numbers in one place, maybe give them a call for some reassurance?

www.howbreastfeedingworks.com

have to rush now after toddler, hope you feel better about it soon, I really do think it sounds like you're doing a fab job

You're doing fantastically!

Everything you have mentioned sounds normal to me, and it's fantastic that she had started to gain weight. My DS was very jaundiced and sleepy and so I can identify with how hard it can be to get going. And no wonder it left you with a shaky confidence.

But listen - you are doing everything right. You don't need scales to tell you things are ok, or a measuring jug, or anything else. Wet pooey nappies and a wakey-up baby is what you want and you've got that! You need to trust those boobs, they're doing their job nicely and as nature intended. Your appetite or lack of it will not affect your milk in any way, you're not harming her, and the weepiness is all normal. Goodness knows mine was months old before I had a day when I didn't cry at some point!

Gather some support around you - maybe see if you can track down a BF cafe or support group locally, or even a mother and baby group. You need encouragement and back-up because you've come so far to get through the tough early days. In a few weeks this will be a distant memory and everything will seem so much easier and more natural

As Saint says, it sounds like you are doing really well.

The feelings you are having sound normal for someone with a new baby. I certainly remember feeling this way.

Can someone get some of your favourite foods in to help you feel like eating a bit more?

Take care

I really identify with how you are feeling - i was similar - full of doubts and close to tears all the time. It sounds like you could do with some face to face support. Do you have a Le Leche league group near you? I felt like a weight had been lifted when i walked into the doors of ours for the first time. here or a babycafe like someone has already said.

Its really hard to trust your body at first, and i used to wish i had see-through boobs with measurements on them so i could satisfy myself that DS was ok. Try to look at your baby, not the weight charts, if she poos wees and is alert then you are doing fine. I would try to carry on feeding on demand - your baby knows when and how much food she wants.

The only other thing is make sure someone else is looking after you. You need practical help with housework/cooking/looking after your DD.

Congratulations on getting this far! It will get better.

Just wanted to let you know after my Csection with DD I had NO appetite whatsoever, to the point where I would eat one piece of toast during the day (literally) and force myself to have something more for dinner (was always thirsty though).
This is something that had never happened to me in my life (and hasn't since )but it lasted for about 3 weeks.
After that I started feeling a bit more 'normal' and my appetite came back.

The lack of calories didn't affect DD in the slightest btw she stayed in the 90% for weight throughout!

From what you're saying it seems like you're doing great- full nappies are the best sign for weight gain! I wouldn't bother expressing anymore, just focus on demand feeding and your supply will self-regulate. Congratulations!

Like others have said, everything you describe is normal. I felt weepy and had no appetite after both my children. It's probably hormonal...

My appetite kicked in after a few weeks and I've more than made up for it since then.

I know that ff seems easier in the early days when you're worrying about weight gain and you don't know how much they're getting etc.

But if you stick with bf, it will all gradually become easier to the point that you will wonder how you ever used to cope with all the faff of making up bottles. I failed to bf DS1 but succeeded with DS2 (after a very shaky start) and would never ever contemplate ff a third child.

Disclaimer - not considering a third child at all - someone slap me please

You are doing fantastic eventhough it feels not a jot like it. I have a similar story to tell about the early days with my first.

The jaundice, weightloss, feeling abandoned by (my) HCPs who in honesty I had realised by then were crap at supporting breastfeeding, all made me feel isolated.

Even when DD was 10 weeks old, I was still worrying about her weight. It took a friend with 2 grown kids who she breastfed (so I knew she knew what she was seeing) to say. Stop it! Look at how beautiful and chubby your baby is! I couldn't see it for myself, sadly.

Now whenever I see a photo taken that weekend at my friend's house, I laugh because dd looked like a right little porker and I couldn't see the woods for the trees.

Do you have a breastfeeding support group that is near enough for you to attend? It can be a real boost to be around other breastfeeding women who will know where you are and what is normal for a bf baby.

You sound like you need someone to reassure you most of all.

You need to eat for your own well being but as i understand it, it doesn't actually make any difference to the quality of your milk (my Penelope Leach book says so).

I agree with all the other ladies - you are doing really well! My dd is 6m old and I shared similar fears about quality and amount of milk etc but she is fine.

I also shared your fear of squashing baby at night despite having managed to not worry about it for the first two children! I ended up putting a chair and radio in the bedroom so that I had to get up and go to it to feed and have something to listen to at the same time. DH sleeping in another room, lucky soul!

I now feed in bed quite happily but i'm sure we're not the only ones to have felt that.

Mmmmm....I wonder if you need to get yourself checked over for infection. No appetite can be an early sign of uterine infection or something else. Do you have any other symptoms? Such as feeling a bit fluey, temperature, aching limbs, smelly lochia, tenderness (I appreciate you have had a c-section!). If you have any symptom get onto your MW straight away as these infections can be very serious, even fatal.

Beyond that it sounds like you have been let down by MWs but you have clearly been doing a GREAT job of feeding your baby. The early days of BF were a bit of a challenge for me with ds2 - sleepy, not interested, rubbish latch, but a few weeks on and it was a breeze. Now at 4m I can hardly remember those tearful first days when I was convinced I could never do it.

I second what has been said above, especially about going to a bf group if you have one near you.

Congratulations, I hope you start to feel better about everything soon[smile

Just wondering how you are doing, Esme?

Hello, thank you for all your lovely replies, am getting quite teary reading them! I haven't had time to come back online since I posted the thread!

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in feeling like this, in truth I feel a bit better about the whole thing today, dd2 is a bit more alert and awake, and feeding more often too. Her nappies have gone a bit green though, is this ok? Also, how long do babies feed for? I know this is different for everybody, but dd2 took an age to feed in her first few days, now the feeds are shorter in length. Unless its 11pm, when she seems to be constantly stuck to the boob until 2am!

The midwife is coming back on Sunday to weigh her again, if she has regained her birth weight I'll be discharged back to the hv.

I can't get to our local bf group at the moment, its a drive away, and on a day dh works, but if I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed in a couple of weeks I'll go, when I can drive again. I will have to try and get out to more baby related groups this time, with dd1 I think I suffered quite a bit from being very isolated.

My appetite is still pretty low, lol, its my birthday today and we're supposed to be having a chinese tonight, tbh I'm quite dreading it!

I'm a bit worried that I might be going down the road of PND, it wouldn't be the first time I've suffered from depression, so I kind of know the signs.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I'm glad that you are feeling a bit better today Esme. Re the poo, can you be more descriptive? (sorry!) It's probably fine though. My GP said green poo is often caused by a tiny bit of infection in the bowel but nothing to worry about if the baby i otherwise well.

Re feed lengths - I worried myself sick about this as ds2 fed so quickly and still does. If the weight is fine and you are not restricting the length of feeds then it is perfectly ok. In fact it becomes a bit of a bonus later on! Some babies feed for hours and that can be hard.

Hope that takeaway wasn't too bad!

I think it all sounds fine Esme but I really would recommend a call to one of the BF advice lines to reassure you. They're really good at telling normal from abnormal and can make you feel a bit more supported and confident.

So pleased you are feeling better about it - do keep posting on here if you need to. And it is early days re the PND, your hormones are all over the place just now. You will have real highs and lows for a while anyway.

Hope you enjoyed your birthday tea, even if you didn't manage it all

Just a wee update, midwife came today to check me over, as my scar was bleeding last night, (its fine) and dd2 has regained her birthweight, so its all good so far. Still pooing green, provincial lady, its the same consistancy/texture as the yellow stuff, just green. Dear me...what a conversation! She seems to be quite windy too. Midwife says may just be something I'm eating?

Anyway, I'm signed off to the hv now, so will hopefully be seeing her in a few days. She's actually pretty good.

FairMidden, I think I will try and call theb NCT line on Monday when I have the place to myself, (well, me and dd2 anyway!) Hopefully they will have some local help!

Green poo is mostly normal....no need for concern at all when there are no other signs of anything to worry about.

There is not really any such thing as 'too much foremilk' - babies don't need to have their foremilk/hindmilk engineered, and the notion that there are two separate milks that babies must have a balance of is a powerful myth

From what you say, Esme, all is ok with the feeding, but your confidence could do with some nurturing...hope you find some good support in real life.

I just wanted to say you sound like you are doing just fine. And well done.

I felt exactly like you. I had an elc at 35 weeks and a jaundiced sleepy non-sucky baby. I also had crap breastfeeding counselling here in Singapore (it's all about dive-bomb latching and compression here, which drove me up the wall)

My baby was so tiny and eventually put on weight but I was freaking out about it, worried I wasn't latched on right (apparently I was)

LLL closed down here in Singapore but I tracked down an ex-UK midwife/lactaction nurse and paid $$$ for her to watch me in my own home feeding/where she slept/changing her. She said I was doing fine.

Breastfeeding when it goes well and you feel confident is the best thing ever. But can be tremendously hard on the mind and body when you're having a wobble.

I've still had the odd wobble about her weight and feeding (she feeds twice in the night) and still feel I've muddled through this breastfeeding lark, but 6-1/2 months on she's still exclusively breastfed and has tripled almost in weight. I'm ready to BLW her when I get back to the UK.

So you can do it, is what I meant to say. One thing that helped me was to ditch the expressing. That sent me double bonkers because it didn't come out that well and it meant I was feeding frequently and then stressing about expressing. You DO need some time off yourself!

Oh, and the appetite kicked in at week 4. But that, combined with breastfeeding, means I lost 3 stone of the 4 stone I put on during pregnancy. My baby was only 5lbs of that

Just to make clear, the lactaction nurse watching me feed and reassuring me was some of the best money I've ever spent. I was on top of the world after she'd been round.

It's partly because we generally never see breastfeeding. I had no idea what a good latch was, or how long I was supposed to feed, I never felt let down, never felt engorged. I also never felt pain. Just mental misery I wasn't doing it right! But I was, and it sounds like you are.

www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/foremilk-hindmilk.html explains a bit more about foremilk/hindmilk.

Thanks again for the replies ladies! I'm feeling a bit better today, for a start the green poos have as good as gone, back to wholegrain mustard again!

I spent a while looking through Kellymom and another site I saw recommended on another similar thread to this last night, and I think dd2's latch is mainly ok, she's certainly doing the mouth moving pausing swallowing type of sucking.

Its still quite hard to get her attached, and to keep her on, but I think its getting a bit easier. I'm feeling better mentally today too!

Now if she was just a bit less sleepy I'd feel much better. I'm having trouble waking her for feeds during the day especially, but then last night I was up til 2am with her, from 11pm, feeding fairly much constantly! Wait til you see it, I'll be back on in three weeks looking for help getting her to sleep!

Thank you again for the advice and support so far!

That sounds good Esme. And the evening feed-a-thon is totally normal I am afraid, but like everything it does pass eventually

Well done - you're doing fantastically