DS2 8 months old - very clingy, constantly feeding HELP

[fledtoscotland]

i have also posted this in the behavious section in case anyone there can help

DS2 is 8months old, we are BLW and he is breastfed with the occasional bottle.

over the last 2 weeks he has been refusing a bottle, screaming blue murder at DH cos he just wants me. whenever i walk into the room, he starts shouting for me (DH and friends say he's fine until he sees me)

Night times are the worst. We have co-slept but started putting him in his own cot about 6 weeks ago from bedtime at 7pm until his feed at 11pm. this was going ok but now has regressed til the point he wakes at 9pm and kicks/punches/bites me cos he's so angry. he wont go back into his own cot and wants to be with us but instead of sleeping he's constantly trying to feed but is just snacking.

the whole house is knackered. DS2 keeps waking DS1 in the night and last night we had a very cosy 4 in the bed at 4am.

i dont really want to do the whole CC thing but am beginning to think that this is the only option so that he doesnt obsess about me so much (am going back to work in a month's time). am also beginning to hate breastfeeding as he's gone from 2-3 feeds overnight to continual snacking

please save my sanity

I don't have any helpful advice, I'm afraid but I also have a breast fed, co- sleeping baby who is in the separation anxiety zone. I wish to move to her own bed some time in the next few months so I will watch any answers with extreme interest. Hope someone with the right words of wisdom for you turns up soon.

Sounds like you are going through a really tough time at the moment - lack of sleep is horrid, isn't it.

I also don't have any magic answers, but when my DD started sleeping really badly (4 months to 8 months), I was also really reluctant to try controlled crying, and I found this book - No Cry Sleep Solution helpful. The author was a co-sleeper and breast-feeding mother of 4. I also found it quite useful in reassuring me that CC wasn't the only way.

It has loads and loads of suggestions for creating a plan to gently help your LO sleep better. Although I felt like we were actually doing lots of what it suggested, I did use some more of the suggestions and DD (10 months) is now sleeping better. Can't be sure whether it's because of this book or whether she just grew out of it, but when you haven't slept for weeks /months you're willing to try!

Good luck and I hope someone can help with the refusing a bottle issue too.

Oh, and that book is quite good on being sympathetic about, and suggesting solutions for the constant night snacking thing too.

Re: the bottle. My DD won't take a bottle at all, tried various sorts in vain. She is fine with a very basic tommee tipee beaker with hard fold down spout though . Maybe try that?

tried that 19fran76. he will take water from it during the day but its the evenings/nights that are the problem.

he can settle himself but doesnt want to. he's currently in his cot screaming at me but he only screams for 15-20secs then stops to listen to where i am. its doing my head in cos i know that the minute i pick him up he will just giggle at me and nuzzle in for another snack. he's not hungry, he's tired.

its not CC as he's able to stop when he wants to and he never cries for more than about 30 seconds plus its more of an annoyed shout than a cry. this is what he's like all night and in the middle of the night i just end up with him snacking as its the only way any of us in the house get any sleep at all (apart from me)

am waiting for someone with a magic wand (failing that am going to have to buy that book Wigeon suggested although i'm not really the sort of person who does parenting from a book)

C'mon, someone out in the Mumsnet wilderness must have somthing helpful for Fledtoscotland to try.

19fran76 - i've had a few replies in the behaviour section but no-one has a magic wand yet.

fledtoscotland, it's hard when you feel knackered and can;t catch up the next day

Shoot me....but this is normal behaviour for a baby of this age. Babies of this age are very likely to go through a stage where they need their favourite person - you, in your case - and express this need by being unhappy, angry and frustrated if the need is not met.

One option, therefore, is to go with this flow, and try to accommodate this wakefulness, not trying to get him to sleep in his cot, for instance...it makes him distressed and teaches him that however upset he gets, his needs to be close to you will not be met.

Research shows that meeting babies' needs, which are often short-lived and intense, makes babies less demanding of attention, not more.

Snacking is normal. It may not last....things change a lot at this age.

Not sure what you think of all that!

if you're beginning to hate breast feeding then think about what it would be like if you didn't feed anymore.

I bet you'll know in your heart of hearts whether you are ready to stop!

thanks. we had a better night last night and tonight seems a bit better already. He has taken 4ozs from a bottle from DH both nights and has settled in his cot tonight with the only whimper being when he lost his dummy. He had a feed at 7pm from me, a bottle at 11pm and then slept though til 5am. i had the most sleep i've had in 8months last night

i am not ready to give up breastfeeding yet - like DS2 would let me. my main concern is that i go back to work 4 weeks today and DH will have to manage. He's dreading it as DS2 wont settle for anyone but me.

If you're not there DS2 will work out that DH is the best option!

Hope the sleep contniues to improve.