BFing co-sleeper not feeding to sleep any more

[jumpjockey]

DD is 20 weeks, had previously been going to sleep happily in a bedside crib at 7.30 and first waking at about 2 or 3 for a feed (comes into bed with us) then maybe again every couple of hours until 7 up for the day. I could feed her to sleep lying down and we both had a reasonable night.

Last couple of weeks she's been waking up when we go to bed (about 11 or 11.30) and won't go back to sleep on her own, so I've been feeding her. She'll nod off lying down on the boob after about 5 minutes vigorous sucking but if I try to take the nipple out of her mouth (to get myself into a more comfy position or because it gets sore after an hour or so of confort sucking ) she wakes up and gets cross (had been trying the NCSS pull-off thing but she's too sensitive to it now). Then she won't go back on again to finish off the feed, sometimes she decides that it's time to get up for the day and wants to be played with and refuses to sleep (so one of us takes her downstairs til she gives off tired signals again), other times she'll sort of go back on the boob but kicks and pinches and scratches a lot. The average pattern for the last few nights has been sleep 7.30 til 11.30, awake off and on from then until about 4ish, either I or dh gets up and puts her in the sling or just takes her out of the bedroom, and then she might sleep another hour or two if we're lucky.

This means that come the morning I have no idea how much quality sleep she's had, or when she last fed for the purposes of knowing if she's actually hungry. If I sit up with her for the feeds instead of lying down she wakes up when I try to put her down again.

I've had about 4 hours sleep max a night for the last week, it seems that she's similar, only gets a good stretch in before midnight. Her first tooth appeared on Monday and she's had a bit of a cough but we can't work out how that's affecting her sleep so badly. Is there anything we can do to help her get back on track? I'm sure this will pass eventually but meanwhile she's often very angry in the daytime and won't nap unless I feed her to sleep then sit very still...

(cross posted to feeding in case anyone there has ideas too)

sorry for feeding read sleeping!

Sorry to hear about that JJ, and you're right, it will pass, but I know that's not much consolation when you're knackered.

My DD went through a variety of phases during 'fussy' patches (have you read Why They Cry/The Wonderweeks? Can be very reassuring when your baby's behaviour changes) when they're coming up to a developmental leap and/or trying to learn something new. Is she doing new stuff? Rolling over perhaps?

I haven't got anything particularly helpful to add right now, except that it might be a case of temporarily changing your behaviour to get you through the rough patch, until you can see a new pattern emerging. Like, maybe, grabbing a couple of hours in the evening with her? Not great for seeing your other half, granted, but in the short term it might help you get through the days.

I'm guessing if you've got the NCSS you won't be charging around putting lights on or anything that will be properly waking her up! My DDs sleep was (still is, at 2.10yrs) the first thing to get messed up when anything changed or was ill/upset/teething/whatever. Some kids get clingy, some stop eating, some stop sleeping well. I think it's the luck of the draw. Good luck!

Jumpjockey. I don't have any magic advice, but wanted to say I think we have the same baby, so I'll keep an eye on this thread.

Right now (she's 6 months and we're moving continent so everything's a bit unsettled) I've mentally just had to go with it. I think trying any routine and most likely failing will stress me out more.

Just to add, my daughter has been a lot better in the past couple of nights. I had a few nights a week or so back where she was writhing, kicking me in the section scar, doing that crying shouty stuff and constantly pulling off my nipple while I was trying to sleep. ARGGGGH.

Since I've accepted not getting long stretches of sleep and b/feeding her to sleep for any nap, I've been more accepting, looking forward to night feedings (she's only little for such a short time) and a lot calmer. That's helped me bridge the gap between the fussy week to the calmer week.

Sorry if that sounds wishy washy or even unhelpful, but I think just not trying to fight it helped in some way.

All the very best xxx

Wanted to add, my baby is a bad napper and can be Nosferatu at night. I worried for a little bit but then stopped. I figure she'll sleep when she wants to. It's not like I'm attaching electrodes to her

She sleeps carried about town in her wrap and must get enough sleep as we co-sleep and go to bed early.

I hear you on the feeding her to sleep for a nap and quietly having to sit there! I'm doing that right now (it's quarter past 4 in the afternoon where I am)

MY DS (7 mths) goes though phases of thining that 3am is the best time to get up. (We BF and co-sleep btw) so when he wakes up at that god-forsaken hour we tend to just ignore him completely. Of course I offer my breast but if he doesn't want it, fine. He just doesn't get any attention until the more reasonable hour of 6am. Yes he can scratch, grab, kick and fuss but we just place him in the middle of the bed, between us and sleep (clinging on for dear life) onthe edge of the bed. It works and he goes back to sleep eventually. But he does get these phases every few weeks. I think he's just trying his luck to be honest.

Try ignoring her as best you can and being as boring as possible. She'll soon get the message.

Thanks all if I say I'm glad we're not alone, you know what I mean... Well bizarrely she slept much better last night, first waking was at 2.30 and for once I sat up to feed her, popped her back in the cot rather than the bed and she was asleep again by 3 hence am feeling much cheerier than yesterday.

mij haven't heard of that book, will investigate, thanks for the suggestion. She often tries her rolling over while attached to the nipple [ouch ouch ouch] but maybe once the novelty's worn off she'll be a bit more comfortable.

TBonMe, that's a fair point. She can be pretty noisy but if we just leave her to it she'd probably entertain herself back to sleep in the end. Not sure how DH would feel given that he's got to be up for work at 6.30, but maybe the spare room beckons when she's being a real night owl.

doris good luck with the move...! You're quite right that my mental attitude makes a big difference, I feel a lot worse when I'm humphing and complaining rather than last night when I just sat up with her and let her get on with it. Out with What Mothers Do again (the bible of my post-natal thread!)