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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

How to convince DH of extended b/feeding

19 replies

dorisbonkers · 23/04/2009 06:32

Hi. We've reached the 6 month exclusive b/feeding mark today punches air. I plan to continue to at least a year, but kind of wonder why there's that somewhat arbitrary cut off point in my mind. Since I plan to do BLW and generally lean towards a more AP style of parenting (God, don't you hate labels, makes me sound like a right precious cow) I can see myself basically continuing until my daughter doesn't want it -- or unless I turn to the bottle!

But MrB is less convinced. Don't get me wrong. Like me, he's gone from pre-birth thinking we needed routine/sleeping in own room/b/feeding only til 6 months) to a bit of a co-sleeping babywearer type.

But he's still erm about b/feeding a toddler. He thinks once the child can talk it shouldn't have bitty! It's just something he's not used to or seen and I think he needs a push to readjust, like he has already to so many things. He totally gets the idea of responding and being close and taking cues from the child helping to promote independence, but I think he just has to overcome this mental block. Oh, he doesn't care much for what others think, so it's not that that stops him.

So help me -- the sciencey/psychology stuff generally convinces him!

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thehouseofmirth · 23/04/2009 07:00

Will this help:

from Kellymom

or the Ecologist

thehouseofmirth · 23/04/2009 07:01

Oh, well done, by the way!

mawbroon · 23/04/2009 07:15

This is quite a good article

And it was written by a bloke if that helps your DH. (Not just any bloke, but Jack Newman of course)

Also maybe worth saying to your DH that you don't wake up one morning and suddenly decide to feed a 2yo. It is the same baby that has been breastfed every day since birth, so why should tomorrow be any different from yesterday?

dorisbonkers · 23/04/2009 07:18

Cheers, good stuff (seen the Kellymom stuff, I LIVED on that website for a month!)

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SamJamsmum · 23/04/2009 07:20

I'd be tempted not to have a big attempt to convince right now. For a father of a six month old a toddler seems a long way off. It's all theoretical. But he'll realize how the time slips by that babies get older one day at a time and nothing magical happens during the night of their first birthday - their needs are the same. Would he enforce weaning then - against the wishes of both of you - because the Earth has gone round the Sun once?
If as that time approaches and he wants to discuss it I would take the alternative approach. You don't need to do any convincing. You are a lactating mammal and science is on your side. He needs to convince YOU that the milk of a cow will meet your child's needs more effectively. By putting yourself in a defensive position you are immediately giving him the impression that he is 'in the right' and you are the oddity - not so in terms of biology, history etc. You are only 'the oddity' in our society in the last few decades based on fashion and some pretty flimsy premises.
My DH was not expecting us to bf for as long as we did (my ds self-weaned at 4) but when we did he accepted it. We never actually talked about it - it just happened. He could see it was valuable at the time and that weaning would have caused sadness.

Fionafly · 23/04/2009 07:20

take it day by day and then it won't seem such a big deal to him

dorisbonkers · 23/04/2009 07:23

Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not that I'll need to convince him to get my way - I'll just do what I feel right anyway!

And deep down, he'd never get in the way of something that seemed right at the time.

It's just nice to get us both on the same page sometime in the next 6 months.

I am getting a bit ahead of myself

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purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/04/2009 07:29

i agree with samjam and fionafly - just take it day by day. your baby is still your baby even when it's 2. it's so gradual taht you almost don't even notice it.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 23/04/2009 07:37

Tell your DH it took 30K dollars to have this baby safely and now I get to do something with proven health benefits for FREE.

Seriously, as other people have said just take it day by day and don't make a big deal about it.

ShowOfHands · 23/04/2009 07:49

I agree with others, you don't suddenly start feeding a toddler, your baby grows up and the benefits of feeding remain obvious as time passes. It may well just happen and it won't be an issue. Just carry on and well done.

Am bfing a 23 month old as I type!

Bucharest · 23/04/2009 07:52

Agree re the day to day thing.....
And don't let dh refer to it as "bitty"

BouncingTurtle · 23/04/2009 07:53

Yep I agree with the other posters, that age will creep up on you slowly!
Ask me about 2 years ago if I would have bf a toddler - I would have looked at you strangely and probably thought, well they'd be on cow's milk by then surely? I didn't know a thing about bfing back then!
But now I am feeding my 16mo and to me and my DH is feels completely right and natural. It just doesn't cross either of our minds to suddenly think "eek I'm bfing a toddler!!" He's my baby and he needs his milkies

TrinityIsLovingHerLittleRhino · 23/04/2009 07:54

I would agree with just taking it a day at a time

mawbroon · 23/04/2009 08:38

One day at a time indeed.

I have just calculated that I have been doing one day at a time for 1281 days now.

fishie · 23/04/2009 08:44

ha mb. 1450 here

doulalc · 23/04/2009 11:28

Fill him in on the potential health benefits to you as well as to the baby with extended breastfeeding.

MamaG · 23/04/2009 11:59

I'm in your position DB.

BAbyG is 24 weeks today and ex BF. Will start to wean him this weekend but have no immediate plasn to stop BF. DH also feel a bit about it but I'm just going to continue as long as we both want to (we being me and the baby. not me and dh!)

llareggub · 23/04/2009 12:04

Sounding repetitive here, but yes, one day at a time! I couldn't wait to stop breastfeeding at 6 months but when I got there I just carried on, and on. DS is now 2.5 years and still having "boat" which is his name for it.

I'm pretty sure that DH would have had reservations about it had we talked about it at 6 months or so, but as DS has never really been ill, is easily comforted by his "boat" and seems to be thriving on it, he is pretty laid back about it. PIL are another matter, though, and think I am bonkers.

dorisbonkers · 23/04/2009 12:06

Luckily my MIL lives thousands of miles away in Blighty (although we're going back) but in general she's too scared of me to say anything I think!

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