Need advice...please be gental

[MeAndB]

I am due baby number 2 in 7weeks and with DD I managed to BF for about 5weeks. She was gaining weight and it was going alright (had a horrible first couple of weeks when I was in pain every time she latched on but that eased). I had gotten it into my head that she wasnt getting enough milk from me, as she never seemed satisfied. She could feed for 50mins and when I took her off still be rooting.

I could never settle her with out offering her my breast, she just always wanted to suck, so I caved in and gave her a dummy. Which helped but then we started to leave the house more and I didnt feel comfortable feeding in public as some times it would take a while for her to latch on. So I then gave her a bottle of formula. I called BF helplines but none seemed to help, I asked my HV for help but she was no use, didnt/wouldnt refer me.

My husband saw how drained I was from the whole experience and didnt want to say 'you can do this', he didnt want to be forcful, although that is what I needed him to be, he let me take the easy option, and just give her a bottle. (Im not saying its his fault)

Now that I am due baby number two so soon, I really want to be able to BF for longer this time, does anyone have any advice? My DD will be 15months when bump gets here, so I know I'll have my hands full. With DD I offered her breast as and when I thought she wanted it, but would I be better to offer it on more of a routine basis? Any advice welcome.

MeAndB - sorry about your feelings about your experience last time

Now would be a good time to call the helplines again - not sure what went wrong last time.

You're describing normal behaviour for a baby of a few weeks old - frequent feeding, objection to being taken off the breast, needing to have the breast to settle. Maybe help with positioning and attachment might have helped her feed and settle a little easier, and improve the timing it took for her to latch....but even so, these early weeks can be a learning time, and dummies and the use of formula can interfere with this.

Normally, responsive feeding is the best way to ensure sufficient milk and to keep the baby happy and settled. This is biology, really - it's how the body knows to make enough milk.

You'd expect the frequent feeding and the difficulty in getting latched on to ease after the first weeks, and feeds to last less time.

Hope it goes better this time round.

Have you talked to your dh about how you feel about what happened last time? It might be worth going over it and priming him for the sort of support that would feel best for you this time round. I also agree that it might be helpful to give the helplines another try. Sometimes, as weith any other relationship, we don't 'click' with the person we first speak to, so it's OK to shop around .

You might also want to see if there's a support group near you that you could get along to antenatally to meet some local bf people. This ;ost seems pretty comprehensive. Lots of people find it's easier to go back after the baby arrives if they've met the people beforehand.

With a toddler, whatever way the new baby is fed you're likely to have your hands full. There are lots of things you can do to prepare in advance though, from buying/borrowing dvds to entertain dc1, to preparing a bag of toys that only comes out when the baby is feeding. Lots of mums with 2 find that they can breastfeed cross-legged on the floor while playing with their toddler. The portableness of bf really comes into it's own after the first few weeks as well when you have a bigger child to chase after.

As Tiktok says, following your baby is definitely the best way to get bf established rather than using a routine. It sounds like last time you were a bit unsupported and perhaps your confidence suffered? I do hope you have a positive experience this time. Come back and let us know how you're getting on .

Thanks ladies,

I have talked to hubby about it, to says he'll try harder this time, it wasnt that he didnt want me BF, he just didnt like to see me sooo drained and worried about it all the time. I guess it was just a lack of confidence and thats why I gave up.

I'll see what support groups are out there, as I really want to make a go of it this time round. I have a sling so hopefully this will allow me to keep my hands free for DD.

I have always thought that feeding on demand is the way to go, so I'll stick with that.

I am sure once I have Bump that I'll be on here looking for more advice, I just like to try and prepare myself in advice if at all possible.