Is it possible to decide to stop breastfeeding your toddler or do you have to wait for them to decide to self wean?

[claireybeeinmyeasterbonnet]

DS is 16 months and I don't think I want to breastfeed him anymore. I'm having quite a negative physical reaction to it now and quite often just want to push him off me when he is feeding. I'm not enjoying the feeds or finding them relaxing anymore, I spend the whole time feeling tense and gritting my teeth waiting for him to finish.

I have no idea why I now feel this way, it has come along gradually, starting with me not liking him fiddling with my nipples or constantly having his hand down my top. I've tried to deal with those two behaviours but he continues to do it and cries loads when I move his hand or put him down (when he keeps on doing it after having his hand moved several times)

BUT I have no idea how you would go about weaning a toddler if they weren't happy about it and a large part of me feels it would be cruel.

DS would still feed hourly or more if given the opportunity but I have cut down his feeds to morning, night and afternoon with quite a bit of crying and demanding in between.

I don't know what to do, I dont want to be cruel to ds and upset him, but at the same time I don't want to think of breastfeeding the way I do now.

Please help!

Have you tried other means to distract him? Nursing necklace for example, so that he is fiddling with that and not with you? You might also find having a nursing cuddly works with him. For some toddlers, having a small cuddly toy they can hold onto that is brought out just during a feed works to keep their hands occupied. Does he use a sippy cup at other times?

Toddlers are going to vary in how easy of a time they will have in foregoing the breast, but the key is to do so gradually. The last one usually will be the night or bedtime one and some mothers choose to stick with that one, or that one and a morning feed, for awhile longer as the others drop away. So it may be just cutting down a little more and continuing with redirecting behaviour over the next several weeks or so.

He is old enough to understand more than he will be able to verbalise, so continue with letting him know when your breasts will be available and when they won't. Do try to keep consistent with it and you should see the outbursts become less and less.

You may find, with some other means of keeping his hands busy, and with continuing to be consistent in your expectations you don't have to stop breastfeeding altogether...it could just be a matter of getting passed this phase and you find your feelings on the matter have changed. If not, then you can continue with the gradual reductions of feedings at the breast.

I agree. I'm not looking to stop bf but am trying to cut down, my DS is 2. Distraction seems to be the key, plus offering milk or water in a cup if you think he's genuinely thirsty.

Thank you doulalc. I have tried a nursing necklace in the past but it seemed to draw his attention to my chest even more(between feeds). Will try a nursing cuddley.

I do hope my feelings do change, it's awful to feel like this about something that used to be such a special experience for us...

I know this sounds nuts but sometimes offering, rather than waiting to be pestered for it, is the key to helping them cut down! Toddler contrariness. It's worth a try if you can bear it. I did countdowns too to finish - he has to stop when I get to ten. Usually stopped long before that. Also, don't sit down. Ever.

Yes he drinks lots of water and juice from a cup. He'll also take cows milk but only from a bottle and not as a substitute for bf-if he wants breast then that's it!

Hmm that could be worth a try cockles! With you on the sitting down, he is far worse if he sees me sitting.

How long have you been feeling like this? Could you be pregnant?

Definitely not pregnant!

Not sure how long exactly, the overtouched thing has been a few months, not enjoying actual feeds a few weeks maybe

I'm just re-reading "mothering your nursing toddler" at the moment - read it with DC1. I am feeling a bit milked out but think I want to let DC2 self-wean. There are lots of strategies for gentle weaning which should minimise the stress for you both. Be warned the author is quite hardcore and does argue more for self-weaning but as long as you can set that to one side, I think it is a really useful book with some good ideas. She has a silly name tho' Norma Jane Bumgarner

The sitting down is a good point....some women find using just one specific location for nursing works. They only sit in that spot when they plan to offer the breast and the child starts to learn that. Eventually, as it is used less and less, he will be more likely to not ask for it as much and only expect it at certain times.