dropping the last (bedtime) feed (bf) - what's the best way?

[MamaChris]

because ds (14mo) needs to start spending nights away from me, I think it is time to stop bf. he only has one bf, at bedtime. I've been giving him a cup of milk just before the feed, so he's been taking less and less, and I think tonight was the last bf

but what do I do tomorrow night? I'm torn between two options:

1. dp does bedtime so ds doesn't expect a bf
2. I do bedtime, but just skip the bf.

I worry that 1 means he will miss me as well as the bf (I've done every bedtime since his birth) and my instinct is to go with 2. but advice I've seen is that 2 is easier for ds as he won't expect bf if I'm not there (but what then happens when I next do a bedtime?)

what did you do and how did it go?

do you want to stop bfing?

How often will you be away from him? If you dont want to stop you could prob just BF before bed when you are around.

It's an emotional time when you stop BGing, isn't it. However, it sounds like you have done a great job of preparing him for it. I too weaned my DD at about 13 months and found the bedtime feed the hardest to drop. I think you should go with option 2. Give him the cup of milk (maybe a little larger than normal to fill him up)and let him drink it on your knee with a cuddle. Then he will have had both the drink and the closeness to you. You'll probably find that he is more willing to go to bed without the BFing than you fear. If not, it will only take a day or two for him to get the message, especially if he's ready to wean. I found it all easier than I expected and I'm sure you will too. Good luck with it.

babyOcho, ds be away from me once a fortnight. but that night ds will be staying with his dad (we don't live together). I'm worried enough that ds will find those nights difficult, and want him not to miss the bf on top of it all, iyswim. but if I did take that route, would my supply cope?

RuthChan, thanks for the vote for option 2! I do do the cup of milk on my knee, so he gets stories, milk and cuddles as usual. I think he is probably ready, and stopping all the other feeds so far has been more traumatic for me than him! I think worrying about doing this right is as much to make it easier for me as for him, if that makes sense?

I was also down to the one bedtime feed at 14 months, but I found if DH put DD to bed she was happy to go without the feed. As a result I kept it going for a few more months, as I was free to go out/leave her for the night. But if you have always done bedtimes, this might not work as well for you.

When I wanted to cut out the feed altogether, I ended up phasing it out over about 5 weeks! The first week I sang a song with 4 verses as she fed, then unlatched her at the end of it. I cut a verse every week, and then one night didn't sing at all and didn't offer a bf. There was never any crying and she has never been interested in the boobs since!

Feel free to ignore my method though, as it takes a very long time, due to me being a wimp

your way sounds good too cwtchy! perhaps I will try option 2 tomorrow night, and if ds gets upset, will go with the slower option.

Was trying to add moo-moo before bed time and hope DS (13 months) would gradually not need BF. Seems to be having reverse effect. He normally likes feeder cup of moo-moo but when he sees the evening one he screams and tonight wouldn't look at book until after BF. Usually likes to "read" together before feeding then being settled in cot.

Any ideas anyone?

Want to stop but might hold off until after hols in 3 weeks anyway, just so I have milk with me if flight delayed or anything.

can you fill him up with milk with his tea? so he still has bf, but is more full so has less? also, I dropped from both sides to just one side about a week before I stopped altogether.

I think I've been lucky - ds went to sleep without bf for the first time tonight, and didn't seem unduly upset (wanted a few more cuddles than normal, but then so did I). but I've been working up (down?) to this gradually for about 6 weeks.