Co-sleping & BF...a few questions.

[LuluLulabelle]

DD is 8 weeks old and has hardly slept for the last 3 days. The only time she seems to have had good,settled sleep is on me or DH which makes me think that co-sleeping might be better for us.

My first question is, well, how do I do it? Do I just put DD in bed with me? She's tiny and I am scared of squishing her/pushing her out of the bed etc

How does feeding work? She slept well on me this morning and didn't wake for feeds, just bobbed towards my boob so I fed her. That was easy enough with her lying on me but I just can't do the side by side feeding (and how would I switch boobs if I did?).

I have ordered a book called 3 in a Bed which I hope will help but any tips from mumsnetters in the meantime?

Oh, last question - is it silly to do this now that she is 8 weeks old and usually sleeps in her moses basket? How would she nap in the daytime (hates, hates, hates the sling!) and does it mean I have to go to bed at 7.30pm for the next two years? (doesn't sound too bad at the moment after only 4 hours sleep!)

My dd slept in my bed pretty much from birth - she just wouldn't settle in the moses basket and never went in the cot. I found the best way was to have her up where the pillows are - there was just me and her, I slept one side and she slept where the other pillow would be, with a couple of pillows the other side so she couldn't fall out. This stopped me worrying about rolling on her, though even when I fell asleep with her next to me I dont think I ever squished her

As for feeding, I always sat up as I thought that was how you were meant to do it! It wasn't until much later on that I realised she could feed just as well lying down, and that was great as I could sleep while she was doing so! I still feed her that way now, and I've found it easy for her to have both sides without changing position or anything, I just turn over further and prop my head up with another pillow to get the angle right for the side thats furthest from her.

As for napping, I found she went down fine during the day on my bed without needing me to stay with her.

Hope that helps

Thanks chickenmama, that does help.

I guess I could carry on sitting up to feed her, its no big deal.

And I don't know why I asked about naps actually because she won't nap in her moses basket anyway!

Did you use a baby sleeping bag for dd? DH is a heavy sleeper and I'd worry that he'd create a big dip she could roll into so I think she would need to go on my side with pillows by the edge of the bed.

p.s. Does anyone know how it helps BF?

First of all, it's never too late! Especially when she's just a few months old.

My DD sleeps in our bed, between me and DH. When she falls asleep, i just put her down next to me. Then I can go and do something else if i'm not sleepy yet (with baby monitor on, of course), or just stay in bed with her and read a book, etc, but so far i've been mostly going to bed with her, as it's been the only way of getting some decent sleep for me.

Don't worry about squishing her! You will always be aware of her presence, even when you are asleep, unless you take alcohol/drugs/medicine that makes you drowsy/etc. My DD was under 2.5kg when she was born and really tiny, but she was ok in our bed and neither me nor DH have ever rolled on her or anything. And we've never pushed her out, quite on the contrary, she's pushing us out now as she would often sleep across the bed!

At night I would wake up (well, sort of, still half asleep) when she stirs/cries and put her to breast while lying on my side or take her in my arms and half-sit in bed (she's never had a feed longer than 10 minutes, so it wasn't causing me any inconvenience or disrupted sleep). They say that when co-sleeping, her sleeping cycles will get synchronized with your cycles and you both will be surfacing from deep sleep at the same time, so it will be easy to wake up for you when she does. As for switching the breasts, i would just kind of lean over her, half turning to my tummy, to reach her with the other breast, you might need to try a number of times to find the most comfortable position for yourself.

During the day she was and still is sleeping in my arms or on my lap, or sometimes i would put her down on our bed and lay beside her (and have a nap when i'm too tired too!). So, i don't really know what else to try if she hates a sling (my DD hated it too), sorry!

Thanks nicknamealreadytaken! What does your dd sleep in? I have a baby sleeping bag I thought might be best. She sleeps swaddled at the moment but I don't know if thats safe for co-sleeping.

DD is six months tomorrow but we've only really started co-sleeping properly (as opposed to jerking awake in the small hours to find her asleep across my tummy ) over the past couple of weeks.

She sleeps in a grobag and used to lie on top of the duvet between the two of us, with the pillows well away from her face. Then I'd lie on my side curled around her, with my lower arm under my pillows to keep them away from her and my upper arm over her. It always felt very safe - I never worried that either of us were going to roll on to her (but then she is a bit bigger) - but DH has a couple of glasses of wine in the evening and so do I a lot of the time, so we'd usually start trying to settle her in her cot and then she'd move into our bed in the small hours.

A couple of nights ago, I finally got round to taking the side off her cot and attaching it to our bed, with the intention that she'd sleep in her cot but very close to me, so it would be like co-sleeping but completely safe. That's gone completely awry because she won't sleep in her cot, but now she sleeps on my side of the bed, so not next to DH, and next to the duvet rather on top of it. Have to admit that last night (first full night of doing this) was wonderful - she wouldn't settle before 11 pm but then didn't wake up properly again until 9.30 am this morning - she did stir/snuffle a few times but I just popped a boob in her mouth and we both fell asleep again (And I've finally worked out how to feed from both boobs while lying on one side - takes practice but is doable.)

Oh 3 in a bed is fantastic It explains in there how it helps bf (as I can't remember off the top of my head!) Something to do with being able to bf in their sleep and that stimulating your production I think. But also for practical reasons - you get more sleep so are less tempted to ask your partner to take over night feeds (with a bottle, obv!) for a night. This is my theory anyway.

I am not sure about swaddling. I have a feeling that you and the baby both need to be able to move freely for your protective instincts to work, but I am not sure. DS never liked being swaddled so we didn't have that issue!

When he was tiny, he slept in a vest + sleepsuit and I folded a cotton cellular blanket over so that it was 3 or 4 layers and tucked that over both him and my midriff. I had the duvet over my legs and wore a towelling dressing gown over my upper arm to keep that warm. It was winter though so you might be alright with long-sleeved pyjamas and the blanket + duvet combination.

You need to have your lower arm out horizontally between the baby and the pillow, to stop her wriggling up and getting stuck underneath them. The positioning generally works as so: Lie down on your back on the bed with her on your tummy. Put one hand on her back to hold her on you, and roll gently onto your side, so you are lying side-by-side. (There is a pic on my profile of the sort of position, except DS is facing the wrong way, you need to be tummy-to-tummy.) Then you need to shuffle her downwards until her nose is level with your nipple. It seems FAR too low down, but don't worry. Use your upper arm/hand to pull her bottom and legs as close as you can into your body, which should give her the best angle to feed in. If you can brush her top lip with your nipple, do - this should get her to open her mouth and latch on. If you can't reach then just poke the nipple around near her nose(!) and she should smell the milk and try to latch on.

DS tends to nap in the daytime wherever - on the sofa, usually, or on the floor, or in his bouncy chair (getting a bit big for that now, but fine for napping in) - or the buggy or car seat if we are out. What kind of sling have you got? DS hates any which lie down in a cradle hold but loves any which are upright.

As for going to bed at 7.30 - DS tends to go to bed at 10 or 11 when we do - but if you want your evenings to yourself or you need her to get up early, the best solution is probably to co-sleep part time, where you put her to bed in her cot or moses basket and bring her into bed when she wakes for a feed in the night. Means you only have to be awake for about a minute! We found that we could take one side off our cot and it is still sturdy so we have done that and pushed it up next to our bed to make a bedside cot. So if DS does go to bed before us, I put him in the cot and then when he wakes in the night to be fed I just scoot him over into the big bed with me. Sometimes if I am still awake at the end of a feed, I put him back into the cot.

HTH, sorry it took so long to type, I got distracted...

anglepoise & *cherrychoc thank you both so much for your replies. I love hearing about your experience of co-sleeping/feeding.I don't know anyone in RL who does this - quite the opposite actually so I imagine I'll have some negative comments to respond to.

I might try the sideways feeding in the day for practice.

We've got a close baby sling which I love but dd seems to hate. I can put her in it asleep and she'll sleep fine but when she wakes she screams. I was hoping to use it instead of a pram on public transport too.

Actually, you both also reminded that we bought a bednest to attach to the side of our bed but she's never slept in it. I might put her in that at the start of the night.

Thanks for giving m so much info, its made me less scared to try this!

Oh cherrychoc, that picture is really cute and has given me an idea of how DD would lie next to me. I was considering trying youtube for videos because I just couldn't picture it! Thanks!

Oh yes - DD also used to hate the sling! I now have about four because I kept trying different kinds but a fleece wrap works for us and she will now sleep in it during the day

Hi LuLu I am a newbie co sleeper after much advice and help on mumsnet. It's great, we're really enjoying it and Im getting enough sleep. I can't offer you any more advice or tips than the other mums have already said. Good luck - and enjoy!

Oh and I know what you mean about not knowing anyone in rl. I wanted to talk about in my post natal group but for some reason felt really uncomfortable "admitting" that we did it - don't know why

Lol - I have another 2 which were gifts a baby bjorn (never used) and a slingrider (I think) which has her hanging around my hips. I hate that one.

I'll have a look for a fleece wrap - are they easy to find?

Ours is a Cardin Bleu one that I got off ebay but tbh I think it's the style (wrap around one rather than a ring or anything) that works for us rather than the fact it's fleece (though it is nice in this chilly weather). You could probably just buy five metres of fleece and cut it to the right width!

I think something like 70% of parents co-sleep at least some of the time but everyone seems to feel vaguely embarrassed about it - I think it seems a bit like "giving in" to your baby. I was very surprised when my mum told me that she more or less co-slept with my youngest brother.

The lady that runs our pn group is lovely but very into babies being in a bedtime routine and sleeping independently and if we don't establish this early on we will experience sleep problems later. It was at that point I decided not to mention our co sleeping.

Oh McDreamy, I felt exactly the same. Its feels like its something wrong. When DD was born my SIL told me to make sure that we got her into her own bed asap because her son slept with them for months and she's convinced it caused the breakdown of her relationship.

I have discussed co-sleeping with DH (he suggested it when she was first born actually) and we know its a long commitment but we feel its best for DD.

I have to say, I was surprised at how common it is. Before DD was born, HCP's put the fear of god into me about co-sleeping. When I was in the hospital with her she wouldn't settle in her fish-bowl-bed and I panicked about letting her sleep on me. I was utterly convinced it was harmful and not right. I really wish I'd found MN when I was pregnant and realised thats its totally natural and normal for a baby to prefer to be near her parents. I feel awful for letting her sleep separately from me so soon after being born. Having said that, the midwife came in one night when DD was cuddled up and sleeping on me and took her away to settle her and get her in a cot. It really bothers me now.

I think its interesting that you say you're enjoyin it, I am looking forward to getting started (tonight I think when DH is away for the night) - perhaps thats where my SIL went wrong, seeing it as something to put up with not enjoy.

A friend of mine BF her baby to 7 months but felt pressure to stop and said she only carried on that long because she enjoyed it. I mentioned it to a male colleague who I thought of as very broad minded and he said "Isn't that child abuse?". When I think of people's reactions to us co-sleeping his comment always pops into my head.

hi - some really good advice here but don't sleep with the baby swaddled! It explains about that in 3 in a bed (fab book) but it's because it restricts their movement in the event of you rolling on them I think - which you won't, honest!

I love co-sleeping as it meant that we all got much more sleep in the early days. Not so much now, as I'm mainly being kicked all night and having to go to bed at 7pm is a pain (ds2 is 7m now!) so there are downsides but on the whole I don't regret it, it just seems to make so much sense when they're tiny!

I meant Calin Bleu, not Cardin Bleu

I have just made the decision to co-sleep with 4 mo DS after realising i was spending more time asleep in the chair in his room than in my own bed! I wish i'd done it earlier as it's sooo lovely waking up next to him and the first thing I see is him doing a big ol' at me
I was a bit worried about squishing him so bought a snugglenest from amazon, he sleeps in a grobag and when he wakes for a feed i kind of shunt him down the bed. Search the mn forums for the 'mawbroon roll' re how to bf from the 'top' boob!

My mum and mil are VERY about co-sleeping but I point out that DS naps in his own bed and sleeps v happily from 7pm-10pm alone; the co-sleeping just resolves the witching hour howling. And they can't go on and on about how knackered i look and then complain when i sort it out by co-sleeping!

So do you think you actually get more sleep then? I hadn't expected to get more sleep but that would be a bonus.

This might sound strange but I can't imagine that she'd actually know she was sleeping next to her mum and not in her cot unless she was lying on me.

Thanka for the tip on the "mawbroon roll" . I'll have a look! I didn't think you could buy snuggle nests in the UK. I remember looking a few weeks ago and could only find US sites (probably sleep deprivation).

Oh and glad you all figured out I meant co-sleeping and not co-sleping. I bet that has a meaning you know...

Lots of good tips here LuluLulabelle, IME I get very cold arms so a fleecy/fuzzy cardi does the trick. DS is in a grobag which works brilliantly. And like feralgirl DS is mostly in his own bed but comes in with us in the morning, when we're having growth spurts/feeding frenzies and for afternoon naps with me. It is actually the nicest thing ever.

I found I sleep about a million times better with DS next to me. I'm not lying staring at the damn monitor waiting for him to kick off; I'm not fretting about whether he's died (melodramatic I know, but he's my first!); if he begins to stir and I wake up a little bit then I can just cuddle up and ssh him rather than not realising until he's full blown yelling and then having to go into his room and settle a wide awake baby.
And I'm sure he knows I'm there next to him too. He's not waking up and looning out like he used to when he was in his cot in his own room.

Another tip; with the snugglenest, I wrap a terry towel nappy around the mattress and tuck it in firmly and I also lie on a towel in bed to feed him. DS is a very pukey baby and I have had many instances of him being sick all over me and my bed!

blue snugglenest

pink snugglenest

Hope the OP doesn't think I'm hijacking this thread but am really interested in some of these tips!!
DD co-sleeps occasionally if she is ill or if she can't get back to sleep. I have always had her on my side of the bed (with me between her and DH who is frightened of squishing her!)
I'm starting to worry about her rolling out of the bed though. I've always slept with my arm across her as a kind of safety belt. But she's 5 1/2 months now and getting more mobile. Anyone got any ideas? There isn't room in the bed to use a pillow to stop her rolling out.

I use a bedside crib, a little cot with a drop down side and a adjustable legs so you can make sure that its mattress lines up with yours. TBH, DD only just fits in it nowadays, but it does mean she can sleep on my side of the bed with no fear at all of her rolling out. I have another friend who took the legs off her bed while she co-slept.

I have a question - now that I am co sleeping how long do I do it for? Seems like a silly question but I don't know when to stop!!!!

feralgirl I nearly referred to the Mawbroon Roll (TM) on the sleep forum the other day but didn't think anyone would know what I meant!

stargirl you can get a bedguard to fit to the side of your bed to stop your DD from falling out (the kind of thing that you get to stop toddlers rolling out of bed).

I've seem those snugglenests in TK Maxx as well and they sometimes come up on ebay (I've been eying them for a while!).