Help with getting "comfortable" with bf i dont know if i can do it/how do i prepare to?

[Pinkbump3]

Im expecting dd3 in 4 weeks and throughout my pg i have been adamant that i will bf but the closer i come to my due date the more i feel myself worry and think i should maybe just bottle feed, i have even went a got bottles just in case.

With my dd1 who is now 9 i tried for 1 day but i was so embarassed and it hurt so much i gave into the bottle.

with dd2 who is now 8 i never even attempted and she ended up seriously ill with dairy intolerance and had to be soya fed.

so now with dd3 due shortly first and foremost i want to bf incase she is dairy intolerant but also i really want to experience bfeeding and the bond with her.

but i am really worried as i feel "embarassed" to bf as a few friends i have spoke to think its a horrible experience, my dp is 100% behind me but my inlaws say lazy women bf as they cant be bothered to make a bottle!

so i know i will never be able to feed her in front of any of them because of what they will be thinking of me. and i am def too embarassed to bf in public as my boobs are big how will i cover myself, also worried if someone makes a negetive comment or ask me to leave somewhere im feeding i dont know how i will cope.

Oh my i sound like a right twat dont i? I just really want to bf and be comfortable doing it any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks.

No proper advice, but just to say different babies can be totally different to breastfeed - my DD was much easier than my DS - latched more easily, fed quickly etc. Make sure your ILs don't come round too much/for too long when you are trying to get feeding established and get your DH to reprimand them if they are nasty about it. Every day you manage is a bonus. If you are worried about feeding in public, you could feed in the car so that she isn't hungry whilst you are out.

My NCT said the No. 1 reason for women giving up breastfeeding/not trying in the first place was an unsupportive partner. Not sure if this is true, but you have your DP to support you so you have a good start.

I went to a NCT breastfeeding workshop - and it was fantastic - there were 6 of us - at the beginning only 1 felt fairly positive, 3 neither here nor there, and 2 felt that they wouldn't be able to bf. By the end of the workshop, no one still felt that they wouldn't be able to try it, and four of us felt fairly positive. Only one of the six of us couldn't - and she had a really good go before giving up - the rest of us fully bf.

If you can find something like this it might make all the difference for you.

Fucking jell, am staggered at your ILs stupid comment.
It's the biological norm ffs!!!

God,I doubt i could even speak to someone again who cane out with such shit.

Well, in my experience feeding whe in public does not mean that your boobs are exposed. A vest worn under a large shirt can mean that you can open the top of the shirt, pop the vest up over your boob (or vice versa) and then just latch the baby on. Very limited opportunity for your boobs to be exposed.

When you fist start feeding it might be an idea to try feeding in front of a mirror so you can practice the manoeuvre.

If your in-laws are iffy about feeding, is there any way yoi can avoid seeing them too often in the early days. When push comes to shove though, if your dp is supportive and acts as your advocate then he should try and quell their negativity. Also, sometimes projecting confidence can make you feel more confident. Repeat to yourself that you are doing a good thing, that this is your choice and it is really no business of any naysayer how you go about feeding your baby.

Hi Pinkbump, I think you should concentrate on one hurdle at a time. Rather than wanting to BF, wanting not to be embarrassed about it, wanting to be able to confidently feed in public, wanting inlaws to be ok about it etc..just focus on the first one. Get yourself set up with support - talk to your midwife at your next appointment and ask her about support groups, and whether a BF consultant or specialist will be able to help you in the first days after birth.
That will help you to feel confident about your decision. It takes practice to get baby to latch, so you might want to be in a private, quiet place anyway - so don't worry about getting up and going to feed in a quiet room while you're getting things established. There's no rule saying when you breastfeed it MUST be in front of your inlaws.
Once you've got it established, they might start coming around to the idea and realise it's not a 'lazy thing to do' - which is a weird thing to say - why on earth would they want a mother of a newborn to make things harder for herself??? odd.
Feeding in public - ok, there's public and public. Do you think you'd be embarassed sitting on a sofa/easy chair in a feeding room in John Lewis? or Mothercare? The only other people in there would be other mothers, also feeding/changing their babies.
Go to places with those sorts of facilities first, then work up to feeding in cafes etc.
In my experience, if you're out and baby needs feeding, you get over embarassment fairly quickly and find yourself feeding on trains, stations, park benches etc. rather than leave your baby to cry. And once you do that, and realise the sky doesn't fall on you, it's much easier to do it again...

I was really worried about breastfeeding too. One piece of advice is never talk about feeding with your in-laws. I know this is easier said than done but it is what I have had to do. The minute feeding is brought up I change the subject and have told my DH to do the same. I will never change their minds and some of the things they have said have upset me so it is just not worth talking about. It is great that you have a DP who is supportive and can hopefully protect you from some of the more insensitive comments.

As for feeding in public/ in front of family just do whatever feels comfortable. I know many people don't like the idea of going into a different room but actually sometimes it gives you a nice break during family visits! . Have a think about the places you usually go. I am not confident about feeding in public so go to cafes etc that have booths/ corners etc where I can sit and feel relatively hidden from view (By the way, am not for one minute suggesting that all women should do this when bfeeding but I think we all have to do what we feel comfortable with, that way you are more likely to continue).If you really don't want to feed in public places some stores such as John Lewis have quite nice feeding rooms. Some branches of the NCT have carried out "breast feeding surveys" and will have a list of restaurants etc that have declared themselves to be breast feeding friendly or have special rooms. You could try contacting your local branch to see if they have such a list.

Good luck with it all. With a lovely supportive DP and such determination I am sure that you are likely to suceed.

Hello!!!

Aggree with above - you sound really cool and you've done so much already thining about breastfeeding. I would say most mums are scared at the though of getting their knockers out but never really feels like that. Firstly as above your boobs are not majorly exposed - you get very used to becoming descreet. Also, and more importantly, as you become more confident at what is, as many things we do for the first time are, a brand new skill that will get more like normality.

Things I found helpful:

Lots of vest tops for underneath clothes and cardigans.

Lots of breastfeeding buddies found at NCT or local breastfeeding groups [ask your midwife]. You go out with them, feed together and feel very normal

Get LOADS of help to learn how to feed. Like driving and sex in that you learn by doing and that you made have some times you take a steps back...

But mega worth it. You shouldn';t feel embarrassed but you prob will a bit but it will get easier. And if all this fails - formular isn;t poisen and you are a good mother for trying.

P.S. I was mega worried too and dd just finished feeding. It almost seems strnage not feeding!!!! I think I;m a bit too comfortable with my boobs too....

p.s. Could dp hav a word with inlaws?

Thanks for all the ideas everyone, i know i prob could do with some new friends lol

all my friends are past the baby stage and think boobs are for sex not a baby to hang off, well except for one of my best friends who lives miles away.I told her my bf concerns but she had the same probs as me she gave up cos she couldnt bf in front of anyone, but her hubby was fab and if she was bf he took them to the kitchen and wouldnt let anyone disturb her, so i guess we could try something similar.

I live in argyll and i dont know of any support groups except the help from the local cmu which offer advice.

i have had a talk with my mw about position and latch so i feel better about these and they have said when baby comes they can help with any problems that arise. I live in a very small seaside town there are no major stores or anything here that you could go into only little cafes and stuffy eclectic type stores (have to get a ferry to mainland for any decent shopping) i know of nowhere that you could bf except maybe the local swimming pool cafe!

its not just my inlaws my mum is pretty anti bf as well, my sister bf her son till 8mths and she constantly sneered about it and said he was starving cos he was not "proper fed"

My dp will hit the roof if anyone makes comments like that towards me he really is a fantastic support but im even worried about bf in front of him even though he thinks its a great thing to be able to do

thank you starlight i will look at the links you posted xx

well that's positive - being past the baby stage and still thinking about sex , there's hope yet huh?!

Do take the midwife up on help, ask for it, don't wait for it to be offered - it definitely helps to have people around to look and see your position from a different angle.
And do practice getting the baby on and off and fiddling with your top in front of the mirror until you feel comfy. Vest tops or boob tubes (next have some nice ones you can buy online) are great to wear under your top, so you can pull down the vest/boob tube and it keeps your tum covered, while lifting the top layer.

It's so sad that the older generation have this 'thing' about BFing, those comments about not being properly fed etc, try not to take it personally, it's about them and their experience/what they were taught. This is about you and your choices, and what you think will be best for you & your baby. Definitely try to work out a plan with your DP, but honestly, don't feel you have to explain/defend yourself. Just feed your baby the way you want to, where you feel comfortable doing it. Good luck!

and at the comments about bf from ILs and your mum.

My parents were also about bf and made all the usual negative comments but tbh I think I've won them round now. Negativity generally springs from ignorance and fear. I would challenge their prejudices personally. If anyone says anything, say quite firmly that bf is best for your baby and ff has many associated risks etc etc...and after all, don't they want the best for their grandchild???? They can't really say 'no' can they? I wouldn't not feed in front of them either - that is only pandering to their prejudice. You are intending to do the best for your baby and should be proud - they are the ones in the wrong. Tell them as politely as possible to fuck off.

I am also bemused at how bf is apparently for lazy mums. I've experienced ff and bf and found bf to be much harder, certainly in the early days although as time goes on, bf becomes easier and the situation reverses iyswim.

Hi i just wanted to thank you all for your support messages, and let you know that it helped me to have a great talk through with my cmw about all my worries. She was fab and went through positions and latch etc and gave me 3 dvds to watch since i missed the bf class

cabages and cream
follow me mum
breast is best

and when baby comes if i am finding things hard that all i have to do is call them when baby is due a feed and they will come to the house and sit and help me through until im confident and will even come when inlaws are there to give me the support to deal with their attitudes! They really where fab she said they are community mw's after all and their job is out there helping mums like me

So thank you all for giving me the confidence to speak to her about it all xxx

That's great pinkbump! Good on you for preparing yourself so well.

You could also ask the mws to put you in touch with some other BFing mums. Maybe a few of you could meet at each other's houses once a week. Get everyone to bring a pack of biccies!

Hope the feeding goes really well.