Refusing to breastfeed

[HappyWife]

I think breastfeeding may be coming to an end for us! My little boy is 20 weeks old.

He used to get one bottle a day of formula - at bedtime, and then sometimes a night feed of formula too if he woke.

However about a month ago he'd start screaming during the last feed before the bedtime feed, and my supply felt really low so I changed that one to a bottle feed too.

In the last few days though, breastfeeding at all is a huge struggle. He will feed for 5 mins tops at each breastfeed, and then come off and start looking round the room. Often he'll come off, look around, and then cry with hunger again (and repeat times a million!). I could deal with that but he is also at times absolutely refusing to latch on and screaming himself purple with hunger but just totally refusing to breastfeed. When this happened two days ago eventually my hubby got cross and said to give him a bottle. I was loath to do this as I know that's a slippery slope to decreasing your milk. However it was that or let him cry with hunger. So hubby gave him a bottle and I expressed for 45 mins, both sides, and got 1oz total!

I've been drinking loads and loads of water (am weeing non-stop!) and eating good hearty nutritious food but it's making no difference.

My breasts feel really soft and empty apart from first thing in the morning, when he feeds best.

Is this him naturally weaning himself off the breast? Or my milk supply going?

I'm ok if this has to be the end of breastfeeding for us as I know I've done bl**dy well, because I battled in severe pain through 12 weeks of breast thrush! I NEVER thought I'd get this far. I just want to know what's going on though.

He's not feeding more frequently or waking more at night or anything so I don't think it's a growth spurt.

Any advice/experience gratefully received.

HW

Hi HappyWife.

I had similar problems at various times with my supply. I still have similar problems actually (my ds is now 7 & a half months).

If you're not ready to stop BF- and it does sound from what you write that you're not- it'll be a shame to give up. I would say to give it one last go, & then if that doesn't work, at least you'll know you've done your best.

My advice is to express a lot. And to do it in an organized way (i.e. at particular times). In just a few days you should see a good increase. I did the same at around 5 months & saw a very good increase, & was able to get away with not feeding after 7 in the evening. I know that at first it'll be very frustrating to express & not get much. But if you do it persistently (and I know it's a pain...) you should get really good results soon.

I would suggest you definitely express after bedtime if you can (btw what time is your boy's bedtime)? So if you could manage expressing at 10 pm or so, that would be great. I would also express before or after the morning feed, just to 'up' your milk supply at that one. I would also express for any feeds that you're skipping.

I do understand & accept that your baby gets frustrated at the breast atm, because there's not much milk there. This will change, I promise you, once you've increased your supply. If you just try to put him at the breast a bit more (for us before & after naps works well because he's a bit sleepy) that should help too.

BTW what pump do you have?

By the way, I definitely agree with TikTok that you do need to get in some bf before or after that huge bedtime bottle. Before the bottle is best. What I found helped in my case was actually hiding the bottle!! This meant DS would breastfeed a bit (because he was hungry) & I then I offered the bottle. I then noticed that the amount of formula / EBM he was getting from that bottle was less & less as the days passed, so as I said in only a few days you should see a good increase.

The other thing to say- and again I talk from experience because my DS went through a complete nursing strike at 3 months for a week or so. If you're persistent with putting him to the breast & creating good, gentle, cuddly breastfeeding moments... then soon he'll be back to breastfeeding. Especially if that goes hand in hand with an increase in supply.

Don't worry about being blunt tictoc! You're only saying what I pretty much know anyway - I do think that breastfeeding is coming to an end.

Thank you for the advice Maria, it's really helpful. His bedtime is 7.30pm and he sleeps till 6am, and I have a handheld avent pump.

I will give it a go with the expressing. However from what you both say I don't think I'm going to be able to make enough of a difference. There just aren't enough hours in the day to pump as much as it sounds like I need to - well I suppose there are, but I guess perhaps I'm not as dedicated as I'd need to be. I kind of feel like I've done my time for breastfeeding and would rather get out in the sunshine with DS and just enjoy him! I'm also sure, from experience, that we're not going to get in an evening breastfeed. My canny lad seems to have worked out that evening = bottle since 6 weeks and I can't get him to latch in the evening at all. I'll be ok if it is the end of breastfeeding as I know that I've done really well and endured more than most to get to where we are. I'd never have believed I'd get to 20 weeks!!! However, like you say Maria I'll give it one last shot by expressing as much as possible and trying to latch him on more.

Thanks so much for all the advice.

HW xxx

I know how distressing it can be when your baby screams at the breast, we've had a couple of bouts of this recently after colds etc... It does sound like your issues might be supply related but two things I've found which helped:

1 - naps - my daughter doesn't nap easily during the day but when I do manage to get her down she's far less fussy over feeding, particularly at the evening feed which became completely impossible for a while

2 - when DD latches off and then is crying with hunger but arching away from the breast all redfaced I calm her with my ring finger to suck on then subtley transfer her back onto the breast and she usually goes on to complete a feed

Also might wind be an issue?

HappyWife, just came back to this a few days later. How are things going?

I just want to say, I hear you when you say 'there's not enough hours in the day to pump'. If you feel you prefer to take out DS for long walks, do other things etc, that's certainly a valid choice, and carrying on at this point if it's not your choice or your wish anymore makes no sense. If that's the case, I would suggest just letting things take their natural course, you may be surprised that your DS does take to bf a bit more without you having to express etc. And if not, it's certainly not the end of the world, as a happy mummy equals a happy baby (anyway, that's what I think). And you've certainly done very well to have bf until now!