I am feeling really conflicted about breast feeding

[artichokes]

I think I just need to vent really.

DD2 is 12 weeks and exclusively BFed. DD1 was BFed until 14 months and never had any other type of milk before then. Both girls always refused bottles, although DD2 has once or twice reluctantly taken some expressed milk from a bottle when DH has persisted.

I loved feeding DD1 and it was always very easy. I feel differently about feeding DD2 and that makes me very sad. It was slightly harder to establish feeding with DD2 and she has always been very windy and upset by burps so feeding sometimes upsets her. This was a shock to me as BFing could cure any upset for DD1.

DD2 was a good sleeper at first but in the last two weeks she has started waking every two to three hours throughout the night and needs the breast to get back to sleep. She also refuses to settle properly after about 5.30am and has to be breastfed continuously to keep her from waking her sister before 7am. I am so tired and can't co-sleep as I never drop-off with her in the bed.

I am beginning to resent BFing and feeling this way makes me want to cry. I think me feelings are partly because the breast is not always a comfort for DD2 and partly because exclusively breastfeeding means I can never go out or make DH do night duty. I am also worried that maybe DD2's sleep problems are down to hunger. She is on the 100th centile for a 12 week old so she really is huge. Maybe my milk is not enough for her.

I have bought some forumla and an toying with giving it to her. The chances are she will not take the bottle but I could be persistant and once it worked I could have a proper break and she might sleep better. However I suspect I will be upset with myself if I do succeed in giving it to her. I would partly be mourning not having had the same kind of BF realtionship as I did with DD1.

Thank you if you have got this far. I am not sure what I expect anyone to say.

I feel exactly the same as you about BFing my DS who is 10 weeks old.
I fed DD (Now 3y) for 20 weeks, I gave up as I thought formula would be the answer to her waking at night, plus would give me a break as others could feed her, but to be honest it did not make things easier.
When I was pregnant with DS, I was covinced I would make 6 months easily, and was hoping to get to a year. BUT OMG he is so different to DD, and I am now toying with introducing formula at some point so DP can help and I can get some much needed sleep, but is it the answer.
DS also feeds every 2-3 hours day and night and today he started his day at 4:30am !! and like you, I fed him on and off till DD got up about 7ish.

Sorry not much help, but nice to know we are not alone in feeling like this.

I feel exactly the same as you about BFing my DS who is 10 weeks old.
I fed DD (Now 3y) for 20 weeks, I gave up as I thought formula would be the answer to her waking at night, plus would give me a break as others could feed her, but to be honest it did not make things easier.
When I was pregnant with DS, I was covinced I would make 6 months easily, and was hoping to get to a year. BUT OMG he is so different to DD, and I am now toying with introducing formula at some point so DP can help and I can get some much needed sleep, but is it the answer.
DS also feeds every 2-3 hours day and night and today he started his day at 4:30am !! and like you, I fed him on and off till DD got up about 7ish.

Sorry not much help, but nice to know we are not alone in feeling like this.

Ah my dear the second child is always both easier and more difficult than the last! DD was a doddle to breastfeed, DS seemed that way then after eight weeks turned into a little bugger overnight - turned out he'd actually had jaundice at birth (unnoticed by the hospital) and then had not been terribly well and that was just masking his ahem, personality. Having said he's eight months now and a little treasure. They do go through this.

Sounds like your daughter is having a growth spurt though. She's about due one - it'll pass. I know it's tough.

You are doing great. I don't think it's a lack of milk thing though - DS is off the charts and he was perfectly okay on just BM till five and a half months (when he swiped a piece of toast so we just let him have breakfast with us).

Just lots of sympathy. You sound, more than anything else, tired.

Is there any way you can arrange for your DP to give you a weekend of rest, ie he brings your DD for a feed then takes her away again, just so you can get a rest?

I think the risk here is that in a fug of tiredness you make a decision that later makes you unhappy. It might help if you could at least catch up on some sleep so you can think more clearly about what you want.

I also think you need to realise that it's OK to be finding this hard - a second child must be incredibly hard to cope with and the tiredness is surely worse second time around. I think you're doing fantastically well, especially if you aren't as emotionally into it as you were previously (I don't think that's well worded but it's the best I can do, sorry). Give yourself a pat on the back and see if you can come up with a way of getting a wee bit more rest under your belt, which might help you decide.

Best of luck and well done so far

hi artichokes,
I had a similar baby to yours, he was very, very demanding. and I did resent breastfeeding him sometimes.
but you know, giving formula is no guarantee that anything will change.
remember that it isn't just about milk for a small baby, they want to nurse becuase they need comfort and closeness to you, some more than others. and changing the way you feed may just make that manifest itself in a different way iyswim?

I think she is probably going through a growth spurt atm, so that should calm down in a few days anyway.

you have my absolute sympathy on the sleep-deprivation front though because it's a killer, it really is. but it does pass, and when you look back on it ytou realise that it's such a short period in their life, and what you're doing/hyave done is the best thing for them and that gives you an immense feeling of satisfaction

I think if she is on the 100th centile then there's really no doubt that your milk is enough for her!!! if it wasn't she wouldn't be thriving would she??

agree with fairmidden too, about making decisions when you're in the middle of something like this.

try and get some rest, go to bed as early as possible, try and nap if baby naps during the day. get dh to take over at weekends so that you can rest and then re-evaluate?

Hi artichokes. I am so sorry to hear of your situation, but I do understand. I too am currently BFing DC2. I exclusively BF DD until 13 months and, like you, am proud that I never gave her formula. My DS is now 4 months and I am exclusively BFing him too. I understand part of your problem because feeding DC2 is definitely harder than DC1 because DC1 is there too, demanding time, attention and energy. You must be exhausted, especially with the 5:30am waking. I also understand about the windy and burping issue. DS doesn't really burp, but he vomits A LOT. Sometimes I wonder how he grows at all when he seems to lose so much. However, I know that they keep more down than they seem to and I am sure that your DD2 enjoys BFing and is more comforted by it than you think. You say you can't co-sleep with her. That's fair enough, but can you at least give her the early morning feeds in bed. It's far less tiring to feed horizontally in bed than sitting in a chair, and you never know, you might just drop off and grab a few extra minutes sleep. I often drop off while DS drinks and wake up to find him alseep in my arms. Don't get paranoid about your milk not being enough. You were able to feed your DD1 for 14 months. I'm sure you have enough milk for DD2 too. Maybe she is going through a growth spurt. You have got her to the 100th percentile, you obviously have amazing milk and have been keeping her well satisfied! The more she drinks the more you make, so please don't lose your confidence. Sometimes I find changing sides more often helps when DS seems to be not getting enough. I understand why you bought the formula and I understand why you are considering giving it but hesitating. You are very tired. If I were you I would give nature one more chance, but if you do decide to use it, don't beat yourself up. You are making the decision for your baby and your own sanity.

Well done for BF her so far .

Do you think it would take the pressure off a bit to think of your DD2 in slightly more first-born terms? Then you're not comparing your relationship with your first child and more looking at the many benefits of breastfeeding your current baby - not least the nuturing aspect of breastfeeding.

I'm no BF guru but as you sound like you would like to improve her sleep patterns and still breastfeed. The introduction of a FF would not necessarily improve her sleep. It would decrease your supply and therefore could make it harder to continue to BF for as long as you may like to.

Hopefully someone will be along soon so explain how you might express a feed without disrupting your supply. That way you may be able to go out once in a while. Also someone who has a clue may be able to tell you how a dummy might help without it disrupting her feeding.

Good luck.

This all sounds very very similar to my situation, only difference is my daughter is 10 weeks and weighs 15lb 1oz. I B/F exclusively up until 2 weeks ago when I introduced a bottle of formula and then a week later when there was no difference I introduced another. I find she goes 6 hours after bottle of formula and then continues to wake up every hour thereafter wanting bf. I regret introducing the formula but am now scared to withdraw as the thought of not having that 6 hours to start off with does not sound good to me! I managed to go out for a couple of hours last night because of the formla and it was fab just having some time away (although I did miss her). There are loads of down sides about giving formula ie. all the time spent washing and steralising bottles - bit of a pain! I though the same as you that my milk maybe was not enough for her, but now not so sure and more I think about it I think maybe she is just a poor sleeper unlike her big sister! I am exactly sam as you with the 5.30 wakening and then having to take her into bed to stop her waking her sister up! Don't know if this will help you but at least you know your not the only one having these difficulties

Thank you so much for all these kind replies. It really does help to know other people have felt the same way and gone through the same thing. When I speak to RL friends I feel like I am the only one finding the sleeping and feeding so hard. Ruth, Eme, Mppaw I am sad you have similar issues but thank you for telling me your stories.

As I re-read the OP I realised that BFing is not the main issue even though I have been feeling like it is. The main issue is sleep and that is probably entirely unrelated to feeding. As WMMC and TIY pointed out, DD2 would not be on the 100th centile if my milk was not enough. The other issue at play is comparing DD2 to her sister all the time. I realise I have been feeling quite guilty that she does not get the same attention and constant concern that DD1 received. There is just not enough time in the day with a toddler and a newborn. If I cut down on BFing I am only going to increase that guilt and reduce the time I do spend cuddling DD2.

Soooo, I feel alot better right now. Talk to me again in the morning and it may all be different. I am on a bit of an emotional pendulum. For now I have a plan: I need to work out a way of sorting the sleep issues and before I can devise a way to do that I need to sleep so that I can think...

I'm going through just the same with DS who is now 17 weeks. I BF DD exclusively for 6 months and it was generally always a pleasure so I'm shocked that I'm struggling second time around. Last week I introduced formula at bedtime but it hasn't made much difference. I've been thinking about things long and hard today I think that it is just so much harder when you also have a toddler to look after (and in my case who is pulling her brother off the breast!). I feel the guilt thing all the time just as you mention, it just feels impossible to do the best for everyone sometimes doesn't it? I can't see me being able to continue BF any where near as long as for DD and this makes me sad. Hope that you get some sleep and that things look better soon.

I can so relate to the guilt thing. I have a nearly 3yo and a just 1 yo. I've spent a lot of time this last year feeling guilty about the fact that I can't spent the same one on one time with my DD2 (and still do feel guilty to a certain extent). However, one day a couple of months ago I had the realisation that I was now sorry for DD1 as she hadn't had the on tap entertainment that she now provides for DD2! (Clearly I like to worry ).
Practically, I did find that slinging my DD2 was brilliant as it enabled me to keep her close and made me feel like I was responding to her emotional needs, whilst having a free hand or two for playdoh etc.