Feeling trapped by breastfeeding

[snowjoke]

I have looked through lots of active conversations and although a few link in to my prob, I wanted to post a new thread, really feeling low and wanted to see if anyone has any advice.
My DD is now almost 8 months old, I have always happily breastfed her, although since she was 3 months old, have been trying to get her to take the odd bottle, just so I can get a break every now and then, and after trying all the usual - teats, expressed, all formulas etc she will not accept a full bottle. I think this is where part of the problem lies, I am now feeling so trapped by feeding, this is amplified by the fact that she still won't go through the night, wakes 2 or 3 times, all quite erratic, sometimes cries lots in the night, so feeling totally exhausted and keep getting teary. DH really supportive but has to work so can't really help at night, and ultimatley it is me who has to feed. Also do you think two BFs a day is enough, morning and bed time? Feel I am depriving her if I cut out lunchtime, argh!
Has anyone had a similar experience and have any words of wisdom?

Oh also meant to add, she has just cut first tooth and keeps biting me, ouch, does not help!

snowjoke you sound like you're completely exhausted you poor thing!

If she's still waking in the night to feed I wouldn't cut out the lunchtime feed just yet, you might want to consider upping her daytime feeds a bit, I know it sounds awful if you've really had enough of feeding, but to see if you can stop the night waking, as it sounds like if you could get a good night's sleep it would really help you feel better.

Is your DD a very independent sort of child? I ask because DS hated being fed or having bottles 'given' to him and wouldn't drink anything - the way we got him onto a bottle at about eight months was to fill up a bottle and put it on the coffee table and then completely ignore it. He hauled himself over (was just about able to toddle holding onto things at the time) and picked it up and drank it, but if we'd tried to give it to him he'd have screamed blue murder! Stubborn child

But after that he went onto goat formula during the day and we just continued leaving his bottle on the table for him and letting him get on with it.

Don't know if this will help, but sending you lots of support

Oh dear, you do sound knackered.
I would alos suggest the daytime feeding thing, DD2 has never taken milk from a bottle and on the days I am at work and she doesn't get milk all day she is up most of the next night 'stocking up' It might be worth doing that for a week or so to settle the sleep issue and then start cutting down during the day once you are both (you and DD) rested and can deal wiht it better.

Am afraid we are 10 months and eating a lot of solids and are still on 4 bfs a day. Do you do a dreamfeed with her when you go to bed?

I too think she is trying to make up for the days milk at night - once you up the day feeds/and or solids if you want to do that as well - so more yoghurt etc then you can address the night feeds - ie get it down to 1 by saying that you wont feed before 2 and then not again before 6 etc.

imo your dh needs to be onside with this and do the comforting instead of you as you will just end up feeding instead. Actually I dont see why if you are so exhausted and teary why he cant help out tbh - doesnt he know how you're feeling?

Have you tried just leaving her without a bottle of milk ? Some babies will be happy to wait until mummy returns for milk.

Aptly I left my 7 month old DS today for the first time with my parents. I made sure I had filled him up by nursing him before he went and he didn't want any milk until he was returned 5 hours later !!!

As he normally feeds very frequently, I was very surprised that he had gone that long without milk.

Regarding the night feeds, is there anything you can do to get more rest, even on a temp basis. Maybe lie down to nurse, go to bed early or co-sleep.

Being tired is so soul destroying, no wonder you are feeling exhausted and teary. I hope things improve very soon for you.

Thanks for supportive words. Not so sure she is all that hungry in night, worried it is more habit, it is nothing new, has been going on for so long now, she always wakes between 10 and 12 for night feed, if I wake her for dream feed she invariably wakes again an hour later - habit?
Eats lots of solids in day, albeit very fussily. Will try the find her bottle trick, thanks WFHIT, she is certainly an independent soul, bless her.

Hi Snowjoke, sorry you're feeling low. Have you tried a cup? DS refused a bottle pointblank for 6 months. I tried him on a Tommy Tippee first cup and it's his new best friend. I let him drink water from it for practice at mealtimes but he has also had EBM out of it a few times - has to be 'fed' it though or it goes everywhere! Perversely he now likes me to feed him his water rather than do it himself.

Agree with others - don't try and cut out any more feeds or you risk the nights being worse. If you want somewhere to moan about the nights or see what others are doing, come and hang out with us:

this page

We're a friendly (if a bit knackered) bunch. (And don't bother reading all ten pages first, just wade on in!)

Hi Snow, you sound very exhausted! I have been through this as my DS1 never took a bottle. Oddly enough I felt much better when I stopped trying - I realised that some of the pressure I felt was from my sense of "failure" at not introducing a bottle at the right time/in the right way/with enough determination etc. When I decided to stop bothering I felt a sense of release and relief!

If the bottle doesn't work then don't panic - she is old enough now to cope on 2 bfs a day occasionally, if you need a break. And in just a few months she will be old enough to go onto a morning and evening pattern for good. Have you tried a cup? As I say, DS never took a bottle but would take juice etc out of a sippy cup.

btw I meant to add that I agree with the others that the night waking may be a result of you trying to cut down in the day. It's called reverse cycling I believe, and is fairly common. If you tank her up more in the day then you might find the nights go better, and if you have more rest you might feel more able to cope with it all.

this sounds familiar! I am currently trying to wean my 8 month DS at the mo. He too is waking in the night and I have concluded it is only for comfort as he used to sleep through until he was ill at Xmas. Since then he has shared our bed and recently i have been lying with him on a single mattress next to his cot for a night feed (but I end up falling asleep and waking up with a sore back!), However, the last few nights when he wakes about midnight I have gone into him and gently soothed his tummy and said night night before leaving him to cry, I wait 10 mins and then go back in and repeat, I have never had to go back a third time as he just nodds off, It sounds harsh but I know he is full of food as as he well all day and I give him some porridge (as advised by health visitor) about an hour before his bedtime feed. This seems to be working. He has now been waking at a more reasonable time - 5.30-6am for a feed but that works out well before I get up to go to work, My Health Visitor said a baby can cope very well without feeds during the day as they are getting calcium from cereal/yoghurt etc. I agree that stressing too much about weaning can make matters worse, just set yourself targets, such as only morning and night feeds, and then hopefully just a night feed, then nothing at all. It worked with my 2 year old DS but then he was more laid back so its definately a lot to do with personality!! Good luck!