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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Inappropriate for young children to know about breastfeeding?

53 replies

TheBFG · 13/03/2009 11:53

Friend went into school with her new baby recently. When she was talking about the questions children asked she said she'd been dreading them asking about how the baby was fed.

She then went on to say that her other ds who is six doesn't know because as far as he's concerned her feeding the baby is private time. She then said that she didn't feel it was appropriate for young children to know about things like that.

I didn't bf, but it would never have occurred to me that it was inappropriate for my children to know about it, given it's natural?

Is it inappropriate do you think? Are children too young to learn about boobs etc?

OP posts:
susie100 · 13/03/2009 12:11

Poor child, must feel so shut out as well.
No wonder there is such a poor take up of breastfeeding if chidren never see it happening!

BonsoirAnna · 13/03/2009 12:12

My sister and I had babies in the same year and we did a swap to see whether our nieces would latch on and feed and we did in front of my sister's sons, who were 3 and 6 at the time...

KerryMumbles · 13/03/2009 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 13/03/2009 12:14

Well seeing as several babies are fed until they are over 1 and some till 2 or 3 and later - how can you even try to avoid the subject?!

DD has always known, for as long as I can think anyway, that some babies are breast fed and that where possible this way of feeding is generally the best for babies, but not alkways possible.

i remember DD as a 2 or 3 year old trying to breast feed her own dollies but sticking the doll's hea dunder her top

Lawks · 13/03/2009 12:15

Ridiculous .

georgimama · 13/03/2009 12:16

Surely feeding the baby would be a great opportunity to sit with older child and read a book/have a cuddle/bond with their younger sibling? I mean I only have one child, but I would imagine that's what you would do? Wouldn't you?

georgimama · 13/03/2009 12:17

Kerry were you talking about Anna's post or the woman in the OP?

BonsoirAnna · 13/03/2009 12:18

My sister and I used to sit around in our mother's kitchen feeding with her sons running around and my parents popping in and out - and the newspaper delivery boy, postman, gardener etc walking past the window. It all felt entirely natural and lovely .

solidgoldbrass · 13/03/2009 12:19

What's she going to do when she encounters other BF-ing mums?
My DS (who is 4) recently saw a woman BF her baby at toddler group and was utterly fascinated - luckyl she was happy to tell him that the baby was having some milk and that's how babies get their milk etc. I had told him to come away but only in the sense of 'don't be a nuisance DS'. SInce then he has had spells of sticking his head up my jumper and pulling up his top and offering to feed me. He was mainly bottlefed but I did make several attempts to BF so have been telling him that he drank milk from Mummy's boobs when he was a baby too.

MamacitaGordita · 13/03/2009 12:21

That's so sad, and could definately contribute to her own dc having less than healthy, normailised attitudes to bf and their own bodies. But like lulumama says good on her for doing it even though she obv has serious issues surroundig it...

Had to smile at Anna's post- how old were the babies? Were they surprised or did they just feed normally?

CherryChoc · 13/03/2009 12:22

That is sad. I was breastfed and my sister (although she wasn't for as long) and I remember breastfeeding my dolls (and my sister!! Usually at the same time!) when we played mums & dads.

When I came to have my own children I never even thought of feeding them any other way. I think it is important for children to see breastfeeding as normal!

(PS if you want to see something lovely, aimed at young children, google video or youtube search sesame street breastfeeding)

BonsoirAnna · 13/03/2009 12:22

My DD is great on breastfeeding - when she draws cows or gorillas or any other mammal she never forgets to draw the animal's "snacks" (her word for breasts). And when we went to Port Lympne recently her very favourite thing was seeing the baby gorilla clinging to its mother and speculating about the little baby gorilla's snacking activities . And she talks with great nostalgia about when she was a baby and had lots and lots of snacks with Mummy...

BonsoirAnna · 13/03/2009 12:24

Mamacita - they were 1.2 and 8 months and my sister and I had been staying with my parents for quite a while and eating the same food. There was NO problem that I can recall.

Original poster
TheBFG · 13/03/2009 12:25

She is an odd woman in general.

Her interactions with her eldest child consist of her shouting at him constantly, it's always been that way and she is well known for it in the neighbourhood.

When she fell pregnant with this baby it was all she talked about for the entire time. But since he's been born I have never seen her interact with him or say a positive word about him. Again this is the general opinion of people who live near her and who see her out in the playground etc.

I've never seen her pick the baby up. As soon as he cries she takes him home rather than giving him a cuddle there and then.

If I'm honest I've wondered if she has PND but because she has that kind of personality anyway it's very hard to tell, and she really would not thank me for broaching the subject.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 13/03/2009 12:30

It does sound like there's more to this than feeding.
I'm amazed she can manage to keep away from her 6yo for the amount of time a newborn can feed. Very sad.

AnnVan · 13/03/2009 12:43

My MIL's 3 yo dd is well aware of where ds's milk comes from.MIL hadprepared her before he was born even, so when she sees me feeding him she just says 'is he having his milk'. Nothing dodgy there at all. There is something weird about that mindset though - bf isn't something dirty, so why hide it?

Sara85 · 13/03/2009 12:43

I don't see how bf is inappropriate for children to know about there's nothing sexual about it, it's a totally natural thing to do! I didn't personally but that was my choice and I don't have anything against women who do. If you're going to bf for 6 months as is recommended, it would be extremely hard to conceal it from your toddler! besides, what about women who bf in public? would you not take your toddler out in public until they're "old enough" to know??

Gorionine · 13/03/2009 12:49

I am what a lot of people would consider a "prude". But Bf innapropriate for children to know about? I BF all my DCs and never felt the need to hide from the older ones!

CoffeeCrazedMama · 13/03/2009 13:01

No wonder breastfeeding rates are so low if people like OP's aquaintance treat it as somewhat shameful. If children grow up associating babies with breastfeeding they will themselves chose it for their own babies. I grew up with younger siblings being bf and then seeing dns being bf.

Dd1 used to refer to breasts as 'feeds' when dd2 was born , because I would say 'I'm just going to give baby a feed' when bfing. So sweet.

SamJamsmum · 13/03/2009 13:04

That is very very sad. I really feel for the child being shut out of the room. I can't imagine what he thinks they are getting up to without him. I really can't think that makes adjustment to a new sibling very easy.
Not to mention the fact that unless you are going to be having an extra adult around to supervise the eldest it's simply unsafe to not feed in the presence of a young child.
I can think of a zillion reasons why the scenario you describe is not a good one. I also shudder to think how this particular mother picked up on this unusual notion. What did she experience as a child?

purplemonkeydishwasher · 13/03/2009 13:20

cherrychoc - thank you! i went on you tube and found this from Mr ROger's Neighbourhood. it's pretty 'forward' for it's time!

ruty · 13/03/2009 13:24

i remember having a friend around with her children, she had breastfed all of them and was still feeding the youngest. At the time i was struggling to feed my dd, very small at time, and i was feeding her expressed milk in a bottle. My friend's eldest looked at the bottle and said 'Why are you feeding her with that '? If only more children were brought up that way, to see breastfeeding as the norm, future generations will have a whole lot less hangs up than our one. My ds, 4, always see me feed dd, who now refuses bottles completely. To him it is as normal as making a cup of tea.

mothersmilk · 13/03/2009 13:31

my dd age 3 was at our mother and toddler group the other week i was also there with ds 6months bf when it was pointed out to me that dd had got one of those sticky suction pad that go on the top high chairs to amuse little ones (you know what i mean?) and was trying to express with it everyone found it highly amusing she often bf her dollys aswell i think it lovely and also very healthy for her to have an understanding of how thing work dss age 9 also understand about bf as he's seen me do it with both his brother and sister and thinks thats the only way babies are fed im proud to have such knowing children

Ready4anothercoffee · 13/03/2009 13:35

That is very sad, for both children. All 3 of mie were/are bf, and to them bottles are the odd thing. Both my older 2 have fed their teddyss/dolls in all sorts of places. I've often had toddlers come up and ask about it while feedding dd2 in toddler groups. Dd1 can't wait to get boobs when she's a grown up so she can feed her dolly baby properly

crokky · 13/03/2009 15:27

How odd. My DS (just turned 3) knows that his sister (11m) "eats boobies" . If DD starts crying, DS orders me to give her "BOOBIES"!!