How to help pregnant friends prepare for bf......your wisdom needed

[peggysuegotmarried]

Like a lot of other people, I wasn't prepared for bf being anything other than easy, pleasurable and mutually satisfying. I'm not sure if I was told and the message didn't sink in or if I just wasn't told at all.

What a shock when I couldn't latch dd on at all, what a disappointment when after a long list of travails I had to give up bf at 4.5 months - nothing like the year I had planned to do.

Now I want to make sure that my pregnant friends are more prepared than I was but am not sure how to do this without scaring them off or sounding preachy.

What tactics do you recommend? What books? Or do you think that the 'bf can be difficult' message is just too much for people to take on board with so much else going on??

Mmmm. I felt the same when a friend was due 5 minths after me. I told her the first two weeks are awful and then it gets easier! Also talked about the mental thing - ie not thinking you are 'doing it wrong, failing etc' if it seems hard, just feed, feed, feed. Also her DH was with us so I told him he had to do everything else! Also she saw me feeding dd when it was fairly easy so I hope that that gave her encouragement. She had a really, really hard time with BF but kept going.

I guess it depends on your friends though and how close you are! But I think all you can really do is be honest, tell them about phone lines etc.

Its a tricky balance - you don't want to put them off, but realistic expectations are helpful.
The thigs I wished I had known first time around were

• the latch is something you might need to learn and that there are people who can help you!
• staying in bed for the first couple of weeks is better than trying to pretend everything is just as it used to be but with a baby too
• lots of feeding is normal and crucial
• cluster feeding is normal
• formula milk isn't a good substitute for breast milk

However, while I was pregnant I only really looked far ahead as the birth. I'm not sure how much breastfeeding advice I would have listened to.

My friend sent me a parcel a week after the baby was born, telling me her experience of bf, how she adjusted and giving me some tips. She included a copy of 'what to expect when you're breastfeeding'. I had not mentioned anything about having problems at all, and I cried when I got the parcel as it was so nice to know I was not the only one and that she was thinking about me.

I'm not sure how much stuff you can take in at the end of pregnancy though.

What a lovely idea plantsitter and what a lovely friend you must have. I think I will do something similar for mine.
I didn't have any friends who did anything like that for me or what noolia did for her friend but I hope I can be that friend from now on.
I also agree with Ditsy though that maybe I am being unrealistic to try and help them before the birth and maybe a parcel afterwards is a much better idea.
Thanks ladies.

Get them a pressie of a tube of Camilosan or Lanisoh first, point them in the direction of la leche league, make sure they know where their nearest BF support group is and give them realistic expectations without scaring them I reckon.
Oh and a tip that I read and tried to good effect. If having problems with latching, esp in early days, try doing it slowly and comfrotably with mum and babe in a nice deep warm bath. Also suggest biological nurturing or whatever they cAll it - when you put babe on your tummy and let them wriggle over to nipple and latch on themselves.

My advice would be not to expect to be all romantic and fuzzy about it. If they are that's great, but IME it's time-consuming, messy, vague, stressful, occasionally painful, extremely demanding and above all tedious. Personally I'm counting the days til I feel I can give up. I'm doing it because it's the right thing for DS. Having high expectations of BF is heading for a fall.

Get them a my breast friend breastfeeding pillow, was an absolute godsend to me and I have lent it to all of my friends who also raved about how helpful it was. Although it did become known as the 'strap-on'!!!

I think lwtting them know that it may hurt a bit to begin with, but that it will get better is important too.

I'm always quite realistic about it. It is the most fantastic thing you can do for your baby, but it's really hard to start with, however, once established, it's the easiest thing to do!!

That is how I felt about it.

A breastfeeding help-line phone number and insisting that they should get help if there's any sort of problem, no matter how minor it seems. Minor breastfeeding problems turn into major ones quite quickly so knowing where to get help is a really good idea. A lot of reasons why Mums give up are easily rectified if they find someone who knows what they're talking about.

MrsHD are you me?