sigh. How do I handle a family get-together with my nursing toddler?

[MamaHobgoblin]

Ok, DS is only just a toddler, having just turned one. He's an enthusiastic breastfeeder and having dropped down to 4/5 feeds a day after he started solids, is still very protective of his boob rights! I love it (nibbled nipples aside), he loves it, my DH either appreciates it as a vital part of our family life, or is a very good liar (!) - but his family are a bit about it. MIL has asked when I think I might stop since he was about 5 months old. SIL (a GP, FWIW) is asking me about it almost every time we chat on the phone - when we're going to stop, how many feeds a day, how we'll cut down etc. I'm getting fed up with it.

There's a family get-together over Easter and SIL is bringing her toddler and we're bringing DS. I'll probably be feeding him upstairs because he can't cope with distractions, but what am I going to say, firmly and nicely, to stop all this hinting and questioning and niggling? I've stuck to my line, which is 'We'll stop when either he or I get fed up with it' but that doesn't seem to cut it. Don't want to spoil a lovely family occasion with a showdown, but am beginning to feel that 'extended' feeding is bothering SIL and MIL and need to tell them it's ok, and that it's also none of their bloody business!

Sorry, rambling. Have glass of wine and need to get it off chest!

smile and ignore

You might just have to metaphorically stick your fingers in your ears and say "la la la ... I can't hear you". Or you could try the approach of "I'm just so lazy and crap I can't be arsed with all that bottles nonsense - I don't have to wash up my tits" which I think I said to my MIL when DS2 was about 11 months.

None of their business, quite frankly. You clearly believe it's right for you and your LO, so just smile and either pretend to be hard of hearing, make a joke of it ("...when he leaves for college"), bamboozle them with facts {"WHO recommends BFing to the age of 2"), or wop out a boob and state that they are "not just decorative". Or try off whilst smiling sweetly.

How about "Why do you want to know?" whenever they ask anything. Said in a calm, reasonable manner, of course. Like you actually really want to know why they're asking

Need to remind your SIL about WHO guidelines and let your MIL and SIL both know that you will be guided by your DS as to how long you bf. I am (much to my own surprise) still bfing ds3 at 2yrs and 5months, first thing in the morning only now. It suits us and nobody else needs to know but I'd tell them if they asked

I just wonder if ignoring them is only going to prolong all this niggling? Mind you, they're clearly not listening/reassured by my standard line, so...

My MIL already thinks I'm a slattern, I'm sure of it! Telling her I can't be arsed to clean bottles (and hell, I really can't, either) will confirm her suspicions, but maybe that's a good thing?

See, I would trot out the WHO recommendations, but SIL (GP, remember?) has already let it be known (via DH) that 'it doesn't mean us, it's for Developing World countries'. Well, perhaps I should try that. It's UK Government guidelines, too, isn't it? I should know...

There's nothing extended about it. The WHO guidelines state a minimum of 2 years. Just keep quoting that and eventually they should give up. My family did in the end.

Oh MrsJammi, you've heard that one too I take it?

just ask "why do you need to know. let's have a cup of tea and chat about it. you ask, i'll answer. Ypu have one chance- i won't discuss it again. it's my life, my child, but i'll indulge you and talk to you straight about it."
and put the kettle on.
i'm sure they'll not be so bothered in the end if you invite a discussion....

maybe?

aw, one is ever so tiny - it's when they're two+ and very verbal that you really get it from the relos! It did used to drive me mad but tbh apart from when I was feeding her to sleep I never took dd upstairs, dh's weird family got used to it although I knew they never ever approved! I think the only way is to brazen it out and just wap 'em out . And do enjoy it.. I have such lovely memories of those blissful breastfeeding snuggles.

...and dirty water, MrsJammi!

Argh! See, I already feel like I'm compromising by feeding DS upstairs, but he's hopeless about focusing if there are interesting things in the room, like in this instance, 5 other adults and a toddler! So I hate to think that it might be thought I was 'hiding' upstairs.

SIL is fine really - it's just this issue we've got friction with. Either she's squeamish about 'extended' bf, or she's woefully, professionally misinformed, but I don't think she's comfortable with it. She had horrible problems with bf herself and stopped after a few weeks, so there might be something there as well. It's a situation where I feel I'm going to be treading on toes if I do give my whole pro-bf schpiel, that's for sure.

Your child, your business.
Do you have any idea about why it bothers them ? Don't know whether you could say that as they keep bringing it up it seems to bother them and what are their concerns. Wonder if it might make it easier to head them off if you know why they keep raising it. Did your MIL or SIL BF ?

x posted !

Yeah, maybe it really is time for the Chat - 'why are you asking? Why does it bother you?' - except that they are both major-league backtrackers and will deny everything if I put them on the spot, so we'll be back to square one.

Sazlocks - MIL bf for a few months combined over both children, SIL tried very hard but stopped after a few weeks, after a very traumatic birth, blood loss, etc.

oh its so annoying isn't it

tell her its the american academy of paediatrics guidelines as well - for the developed world - so she clearly needs to get up to date

i'm a gp as well, and am still fedding at 18 months. i have to admit i don't tell people as i simply can't be arsed with what you're going through (cop-out i know)

have you seen this

well clearly SIL has issues then??

I usually answer 'depends when you ask me. Ask me after a whole night of feeding and I'll say tomorrow, ask me after a really lovely feed with an angelic adoring ds looking into my eyes and I'll say when he becomes a teenager!'

I do sympathise, am feeding a 22 month old.

The best thing to do is smile and ignore, of course it is.

However...

I'm tempted to get a notepad and whip it out every time the ILs eat or drink, make loud comments about 'that's approximately 123 calories and quite a lot of sugar in one sitting. MIL is 48yrs old'. When they ask what it is I'm doing I'm going to feign surprise and venture a 'Sorry, I misunderstood how you do things in this family. I thought we were supposed to comment on who was eating what and when. Oh, it's rude is it? Never mind'. I will do this until they get the message. Of course this is a pipe dream. In reality I just smile and nod.

Luvaduck, thanks, I may just print that out and take it up with me!

SOH, that's sooo tempting!