Middle of the night dilemma......to wake or not to wake?

[Beantin]

DS is 3 weeks old and the last couple of nights has fed at 10pm, then fussed a lot settling, but once off to sleep is still zonked when wake up in a panic at 330 that he's not been fed in ages. I rouse him, fight against the sleep and practically force him to feed, which he does for 15-20 mins then falls back to sleep quite persistently.

So, am I crazy worrying that not fed and denying myself a decent night's sleep - after all, would he not be screaming the house down if he was hungry?

Or, should I be waking him, perhaps even earlier as per the '4 hour max' feeding rule the MWs told me I should do?

As long as your baby is....full term, healthy, alert and gaining weight well with plenty of wet and dirty nappies....let him sleep and enjoy the rest.

Beantin, some babies do sleep like this from early on, but while it's unusual it's not an issue if the baby is feeding plenty of times apart from that, gaining weight and generally thriving.

The risk with some babies who don't wake for feeds is that they're conserving calories because they're actually not feeding enough - but if this doesn't apply to your baby, then things are prob fine

He feeds during the day regularly (usually every 3 hrs or so) and for plenty of time, taking both breasts virtually every time. Seems happy with that and is gaining weight.

I fight with waking him up and end up thinking if I'd left him another 30 mins asleep maybe he'd have woken up, then been more alert for a feed.

Yes - see what happens if you leave him.

bump

Is he gaining weight properly?

Hi Beantin
Let him sleep, let yourself sleep!!
I used to wake ds1 for night feeds, I'd set my alarm and everything to make sure we didn't go past 4 hours, how crazy am I? Not doing that this time, but I have a baby who wakes up at 3am every morning on the dot. Nevermind.
See what happens, he won't let himself go hungry, they understand very little but pain and hunger so he will not ignore that feeling (IME).
However, if you feel he needs food, then wake him. Personally I wouldn't.
Pop over onto our post-natal thread and rub it in to all us zombie mummies!

Was a big baby - almost 4 kg. Has now regained his weight and is growing.

SomeMightSay - that's what I was doing, setting alarms, esp since was jaundiced for first week. Now not setting alarm and just listening. Sometimes wonder if have slept through his call for food, but am guessing he would persist if I didn't wake up and he'd get mine - or DHs attention pretty soon.

I'd leave him, see what happens. Give it a week or 2 and check his weight again, you can always go back to waking him if you're not happy, but if he's a big baby and putting on weight, it really won't hurt him to miss a feed

There is no way on this earth that you'd sleep through your baby needing you, no matter how quiet they grizzled. And even if you did, which I don't think is possible, he wouldn't just roll over and go back to sleep like an adult would, he would not quit until he gets what he wants. Honestly.
Jaundice is awfully common, both mine had it for a few days. He is a perfectly healthy baby of good size, save all your worry for when you need to worry because I don't think it's now

Tonight will try it then - guess he'll be awake every 2 hrs though tonight, just to spite me

My baby started sleeping through at this age but my supply suffered dramatically.
So for me the right decision was the wake her to feed.
You have to look at the whole picture as every baby and every pair of boobs are different.

DitsyMe - interesting.....didn't think that could happen. Hhmmm.....If he feeds during the day though, does that not make a difference?

Oh, I missed that you were bfing. Can you express in the night? Can't think how to word what I want to say properly but think you have to 'empty' often to encourage constant production? Am sure someone who know's more about bfing will be able to word it better. A few of the fab febbers are having attacks of the massive boobies if baby sleeps over

Is it not ok though if he empties at first feed of the morning?

Think having them feed or expressing regularly has something to do with keep a good supply iykwim?

He was all the creek yesterday compared to usual timings as had a windy tummy. He fed at 9pm, then 1am then at 6am in the end. Manageable for me though.

Oh dear. Follow his lead then. Their needs change so often what with sleeping habits, growth spurts etc, I've found it a bit of a waste of time trying to predict or plan much in ways of routines. With ds1 I was very strict, but everytime we had mastered a routine that suited me, he had a growth spurt or started to wake more during the day, then teething, weaning, and it's all far too crazy until we were on 3 meals a day.
Good luck with it all and hope his windy belly gets better.

I hate the not knowing 'what', 'when' - but know that's me and my love of planning and structure Would like to know when can go out and know he'll sleep, etc. as feeding in public is still new for me and have so far managed not to have to change him in public! This weekend will have DH support so planning big adventures both days.......won't feel so bad if he's howling in the car if there are both of us - I hope!

How long does it take tofeel 100% brave to go out any time, any place, or is it when the second one comes along and you have to get out for DC1?

I was exactly the same when ds1 was born. I love structure and routine and always needed to know what was going to happen and be in complete control so it used to really annoy me when I'd have to change the routine. Although I ff, I was very nervous about feeding in public because he had reflux and would be really sick everywhere and would scream the whole way through, he was feeding 3 hourly so it made it hard to get anything done! One day I just thought sod this and did it, I thought everyone would be staring at me because I was covered in sick and had this baby that just wouldn't stop but I don't think many noticed and the ones that did gave sympathetic 'i've been there nods'. I think just think of a day and decide that's it, tomorrow we're going for a walk round the shops. The night before, pack the change bag so you don't forget anything and just do it. The thing to remember is there are a million people that are in the samer boat as you are or have been. The baby will sleep probably the whole time you're out and the pushchair is moving. Also, don't think about it too much, it makes getting the nerve to do it worse, just think of what you'll need and go and enjoy the proud new mum walk down the high street. Good luck.
It's only now that ds2 is here that I've handed over all the power to the babies, I've had the worst 2 weeks of my life and really thought I can't do this, but I was thinking too much and trying to do too much. Going with the flow is far easier, I still feed to routine and ds1 has bedtime routine, but anything else is just whatever......it's taking me a while to get used to it, but I'm a firm believer that my babies will fit in with my life not the other way around, it won't be long ubntil my life is ditated by school times and the like, so for now, it's still my life and I'll go out regardless of feeding and shit filled nappies. x It des all settle down though, once you do it all in public 3 times, you'll wonder why you let it stop you before

It's good to hear....thanks for the advice. Usually am very brave and independent, so don't want to be at home for too long otherwise will become something to overcome. A friend was supposed to visit yesterday but had to cancel so has left me with a very quiet week. Next week am planning to go to a shopping centre with good baby facilities - a long journey but I know there'll be somewhere to feed/change (my DS is a bit sicky too after feeding). Will arrange to meet a friend there as then can't back out Am comfortable going for a walk in local area, but unfortunately where I live I am really limited to about 30 mins max as we live on a busy road, with only cul-de-sacs off it - a boring walk up and down. Local shops of any use are an hour's round trip. Otherwise it is a trip in the car. Think that's the main issue - we didn't know the area when moved, so have only recently realised that it's a bit rubbish for walking about with a little one. Got a country park up the road, but our pushchair is not good off road. Thinking about a sling so can take advantage of a walk in the woods a bit more.

Me too. It is hard trying to adjust to a new baby and finding your feet with getting on with life in general. Also takes a while to get used to how much longer it takes you to get out of the house. Ds1 always used to pick that time to fill his nappy! We'd have coats and shoes on, I'd have just strapped him into pushchair and he'd go a deep red colour and fill his nappy. If I was in a hurry, it'd be the time when there was poo all down his legs so would have to change his whole outfit! The little bugger
My top tip, is when you get back in, re-pack the change bag straight away, that way, you're half way ready for the next trip out iyswim. I always manage to forget things when I pack just before we go out, so doing it automatically really helped those first few months.
After having a baby was also the time I first bought a diary and wrote a shopping list and a things to do today list. It's all about the forward thinking IME

My first DS slept through from 12 days old, 1 MW didn't beleive I was bfing but another said I obviously had 'gold top milk'. I wouldn't have dreamt of waking him or expressing, my supply was fine and I BF for a year. You sound like you're doing a great job, the '4 hour rule' is bollocks.
I moved to a new area like you, so I sympathise. It does get easier, have you found any mother & baby groups?