Can anyone talk to me about expressing? Pros & Cons...

[LuluLulabelle]

DD is now 6 weeks old and now, after a rocky start and some formula top ups at night in the earlier weeks, is EBF. Things feel like they are going well and she is now 9lb 11oz (birth weight 7lb 13oz).

I saw the health visitor yesterday and she told me to start expressing so that I could have a break and DH could feed DD while I sleep. I can't explain why but its something I no longer feel too comfortable with, even though we bought a Medela Swing for this purpose when I was pregnant. Although he tells me how proud he is that I am BF, I know that DH would love to give her a bottle. I just can't put my finger on the reason why I am reluctant to do it.

At the moment DD cluster feeds in the early evening then has a big feed at 10pm-ish, 2.30am/3am-ish and then 6.30am/7am-ish so I guess it would be the 10pm feed that I would express for.

So, I'd be grateful if you could tell me why you chose to express or not to express?

I don't know much about expressing and the practicalities of it but I asked the HV about it affecting my milk supply and she said to just express around the time that DH gives DD the bottle. That confused me a bit if the reason for expressing is to give me extra rest.

Your views would be mch appreciated.

Lulu

Hi Lulu, I expressed with ds from being 2 weeks old to when he was 13 months and am doing the same with my dd who is 7 months. The reason I do this is so that my dh can do the night feeds at the weekend and I get some sleep.No other reason at all. I express twice a day, morning and night. It can be a bit of a faff expressing but for me it;s worth it when I get an undisturbed night's sleep at the weekend.

But, as most of these comments here say, it's entirely up to you. You shoudl do what feels right for you.

Haven't read the whole thread so I apologise if I am repeating what other's have already said.

My only advice would be that having had to top up with formula your DD is obviously ok with taking a bottle. You may find if you completely stop a bottle you may struggle to get her to take one again in how ever many weeks or months when you want to go out, return to work, become ill, etc etc.

I only mention this as I have several friends who have had difficulty getting their child to take a bottle and has meant they have had to continue breastfeeding even when they have wanted to reduce feeding...the children are all 6mths plus btw.

Just worth considering but mummy knows best so what ever u decide will be fine I'm sure.

Hello Lulu. I expressed from when my dd was 4 months old as I went back to work and because dd was intolerant of cow's milk - she threw up every brand of formula we tried till we worked out what was happening. Dd also hated bottles so once we got her onto bottles I stopped directly breast-feeding her altogether so we wouldn't have any trouble trying to switch between the two (she has been lovely but very strong-willed right from the word go!)

It was hard at the start, and before I got the hang of it I threw the pump around the room several times out of frustration, but once I got the hang of it I was producing about 34-36oz a day. I used a hand pump as I found an electric one too painful, too slow and really noisy! I finally stopped when she was 10 months old when dd was able to eat food with a special formula in it.

Do what you're comfortable with. My situation was an extreme one, ultimately you'll know what suits you best.

it sounds like you've done great with the bf, so do what you feels right.

With my DD2 I had all these plans of expressing, but the reality was, I couldn't be bothered. If you're ill, then can still lay in bed with you & feed. (embarrased to say I spent the whole day in bed with DD2 after a hangover, she was fine though, slept & fed !)

Thanks everyone for replying and apologies for not posting sooner. DD wouldn't sleep in her moses basket yesterday and I hate one-handed typing.

Your responses made a lot of sense I think in an ideal world I would just feed her myself. The tiredness isn't too much of an issue really and I enjoy feeding her in the night.

I think my reluctance to express is down to my own insecurities. She is 6 weeks old and doesn't look at me any differently to the way she looks at anyone else. Feeding her is the only thing that only I can do. I am having a running battle with various family members at the moment who keep plucking DD out of my arms to give me a "break". Its embarrassing - to the point where I am saying "no, she's fine with me" and they're saying "no, come on you need a break". I think really its that they want to cuddle her but it feels a bit like them taking over/knowing best/undermining my parenting (prolific offenders: MIL & step-dad). She seems to smile for everyone else but me and I suppose part of me is worried that if I start expressing its a step towards them taking that off me too and my role as her mum reducing further. Maybe as she gets older I'll be more comfortable with that part of it.

I feel ok about feeding her in the night, I am tired but not as exhausted as I have been. However, I hadn't thought about how/what to feed her when I can't. I have to spend a few days in the office this year as part of keeping in touch while on mat leave. So having a supply of EBM would be useful/probably essential.

DD feeds an awful lot during the day but mch less at night (last night I fed her at 8.30pm then she didn't wake until 2.30am and that was only because I woke her because I was terrified she was dead. I know. Dramatic.) My boobs were really full this morning so its probably a good time to express.

Thanks again for telling me what worked for you.

Lulu xx

you have my sympathies regarding MIL and step dad taking over, it makes perfect sense why you are reluctant to express because of this.

By the way, you don't have to attend work for keeping in touch days when on maternity leave, you have the right to refuse them if you wish - it's something i've been looking into myself - there are some very knowledgable people on the Employment board if you want to know more.

Good luck, and it sounds like you're doing really great with everything!

Wow, thanks Ginni. I had no idea. The way our mat leave policy documents phrase it makes it sound compulsory.

I have to say I hate the idea of it. I was even hoping to keep mine extra short using BF as an excuse/reason!

Oh Lulu,
Don't worry too much about others saying odd things when they want to cuddle your baby. It's hard to say "My turn, my turn" without sounding like a toddler, so people come up with all sorts of reasons/excuses as to why it would appropriate for you to hand over your little bundle. I totally remember the feeling though.
On that basis, if you do decide to express just don't tell them or they will want to do the bottle feed! It's not something you need to discuss with people until it suits you to do so (if you want them to babysit).
You sound like you are doing a fabulous job and I bet all your family and friends can see that. The assumption that you need a break is just a general assumption made about ALL mothers of tiny babies - it really is NOT a judgement of your abilities or level of coping. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Lol Bubbaluv - I think next time they do it I'm going to think "my turn, my turn" - that should help. My stepdad and mum argued yesterday over who should hold DD while I ate. I said I could eat one-handed or put her in her bouncy chair - it was like I hadn't spoken. Each of them was making out she was a burden on the other. SD won and walked the floor with DD (who was calm and didn't need soothing) while his dinner went cold. Silly.

Hello,

Havind read your thread, lots of your anxieties seemed very similar to mine a year ago (DS is now 15 months). I was scared, above all, that DS would love his Daddy or whoever else, more than me. I wouldn't worry about it though, its just not going to happen. Even if Daddy gives baby a bottle every now and then

I also second Bubbaluv's explanations about everyone wanting to hold baby. It's such a privilege holding a newborn: don't be surprised people fight over it. And don't be too reticent to hand her over! I know you want to be with her every second; but you also need some time to eat (one handed is not a very relaxing way to eat); shower; nap; etc. To take good care of her, you need to take good care of yourself first!

Oh and the expressing can be useful if you want to pop out some where for an hour; for what ever reason. Then you can go and not worry about her being hungry in your absence. If you pump regularly in the morning, you'll always have some on standby. You don't have to use it; but its there. It certainly will not affect your supply at all.

Enjoy these weeks!

Forgot to add: at 6 weeks babies don't look at anyone any differently. It'll be a couple of months or more before that.

I had to go back to work after 3 months (and carried on expressing) and got really upset that DS didn't mind at all being left with some one.

In fact, he didn't mind at all until he was nearly 12 months old, when suddenly he decided he liked being with mummy best.

This will happen for your DD too. Just give it time.

I felt really weird about expressing for ds. I had no problems with bfing so not worried about that per se but it just looked so odd to me to see him with a bottle in his mouth, even when my husband was feeding him! not sure why just the sight of it freaked me out, maybe i felt usurped or something. Plus my DH kept pressurising (sp) me to take a break and leave ds with his dad as he lives locally and think i was keen to avoid this so kept 'forgetting' to express so I could have an excuse for taking him with.

I did express every now and then from 8 weeks (in morning as found only time I had enough spare) but usually found ds would then wake up hungry and there wouldn't be enough spare as I'd expressed it all and he'd get grumpy and couldn't face the idea of doing it regularly which I supposed would have solved the problem.

was just too much hassle, plus as I've been attempting to continue to work part-time from home and baby was terrible sleeper and very hungry baby til quite recently (now 6 months and getting slightly better...) I just didn't want to spend my spare half-hour during his morning nap pumping! (which is how long it took by the time I'd faffed around sterilising!

I KNEW it would be fine to just put stuff in the dishwasher but got completely freaked out when someone told me you had to sterilise the stuff just before you pumped/added the milk otherwise it would be unsterile again... Can't believe I even thought about worrying about that!

having said that, I do it every now and then so I can go get my hair done, leave ds with mil for very occasional dinner out, (though haven't done it for ages cos he's been so hard to settle and needs to be bf to sleep if he wakes up.)

was also paranoid about him not taking a bottle so tried again recently after not doing it for months and he took it no problem!

lizzid I feel exactly like that - I feel weird about the idea of seeing her with a bottle in her mouth.

However, I remembered this morning that I have agreed to sit an exam in June (in a panic about finding the time to study with a small baby).

DH has said he'll take a week off work so that I can revise nearer the time so it looks like, the more I think about it, expressing is going to be a must.

Unless, of course, they let me BF during the exam...bit distracting though.

On a slightly seperate note/ issue, I would recommend expressing and getting someone (let them argue over who does it) to give a bottle fairly regularly. We were doing this from 6wo - 10 wo so that DH could give me a night off once a week but then got lazy and went ten days without doing it and now DS flatly refuses to take a bottle at all!
I hated watching anyone else feed him and had to leave the room, now I really wish he would!

Do what your 'gut' tells you to. I never wanted mine to have a bottle even though my DH would've loved to feed them. 6 weeks is still very young, enjoy your baby"! wink

Don't know about pro's and cons of this, I only got dh to do one night feed for me and it was more trouble than it was worth as he made so much noise getting up and didn't know about the temperature, position etc. I do express the odd bottle for him to through the day though as its so lovely for the two of them to have that special time together, they gaze at each other and its so lovely to watch. well worth it.