Can I just say?

[kayzr]

Please please only give formula top ups if it is what YOU want!!

I was forced to by MW and hated it and at 6 weeks I totally gave up BF. I was devastated.

I had a friend and her 3 week old DD round yesterday for coffee and she is now giving formula top ups because her DP kept moaning he couldn't feed her. He has a DS from a previous relationship who was FF. My friend said she felt she had to do it so he would love their DD as much as he loves his DS. She has really struggled with expressing but is going to continue trying.

I read so many posts on here too. "My MIL says I should give formula top ups", "DH thinks I should give formula so DC sleeps longer" "HV said to give top ups as DC isn't getting enough breast milk"

I just wanted to say please only give top ups if it is what you want.

kayzr - wise words, indeed

I can understand why people get worried by a midwife or HV, and top up - but it's very rarely a good idea.

I am less sympathetic to fathers who put their own whims before the health of their babies and what their partners want - there are many ways a dad can bond with a baby and it is totally lacking in imagination to think that a dad giving a bottle is the only way to love a baby - grow up, for goodness sake, man!

D'you know, it always makes me laugh when people go on about dads bonding with their babies through bottlefeeding - my dh never gave our ds a bottle (and never will give our dd a bottle either, all being well) and ds is the biggest daddy's boy I've ever met! If dh is home I don't get a look in!

What about skin-to-skin, bathing, changing nappies, or just plain cuddling? Agree totally with Tiktok - if you put your own needs above the health of the baby's then that's just sad. I suppose the real tragedy is that people just don't realise the risks of ff though.

Wise words indeed... I struggled so much to bf and by the time I got the hang of it ds decided he prefered the bottle and it was too late

My DH used to give DS bottles of EBM when I was shattered to try to give me some more sleep. They both pretty much hated it and DH said he preferred taking him for a walk in the sling or just cuddling on the sofa. He doesn't understand why someone would undermine their baby's mother's wishes for no good reason!

Couldn't agree more.

So many friends have been advised to give formula top ups as they were told their baby was starving, in every case it led to the baby being fully FF within weeks if not days.

My DP used to have showers with DS
AND for a grumpy git he did also say he was pleased i BF as no one else he knew had ever done it and his other kids were FF.
He said it was the best thing for me to bond with the baby and for the most part (apart from when DS had TT and i was in pain and frazzled) he was supportive.. that one time i shoved DS at him and said "I can't do this any more its too painful"
He did say then to put DS on a bottle but it was out of upset at seeing me in pain i think... straight after he apologised and asked if there was anything he could do to make me feel better.

Your friends' DP is an arse IMO.
Mums who BF deserve nothing less than 100% support from EVERYONE. It is best for baby (not knocking FF at all )

When I had DD she was very hungry and I was never told to use a formula. By 3 months she was on baby rice and friuts much to the discust of alot of people, its not done her any harm.

With DS, different set of HV. One said that if he was hungry use a top up and another said not to as it could lead to overweight. So I didnt but he was not as hunry anyway.

I couldn't believe it when she told me that she was giving top ups to make him happy.

While I was BF DS2 DH would change him, wind him and cuddle him. I'm sure it all helps with bonding.

I had one HV who seemed to be Anti BF, espcially for more than 6 weeks.

Another, was all for it and even said to carry on beyond a year if I wanted..

Strange how they differ.

Are they all the same where you are?

The HVs aren't too bad but the MWs are dreadful. I saw 5 and they all said different things. One said to just keep trying, the next said to express(when he was 3 days old) so he got extra, the next said not to express, then the next said she would take DS2 to hospital if we didn't give formula top ups. Then the next one was furious that I had been forced to give formula. But DS2 had got used to bottles.

7 weeks later and during the occassional feed I fight back tears.

I agree with DD1 the MWs were shocking but I had MN and didn't listen to them. By the time I had DD2 and 3 the MWs just left me alone to get on with it, probably not the best thing if you are struggling with feeding though.

kayzr - don't beat yourself up, you tried, you were given zero support, not your fault, BFing only teeny tiny part of being a Mum.