BF baby (4days old) using me as a dummy - Help pls!

[jen992]

Hi all!

Desperate for advice...

My Ds is now 4 days old and breast fed. However my nipples are sooooo sore from all his comfort sucking. He is fine to get to sleep during the day, from an 'awake' state he can get himself to sleep.

However to get him to sleep at night he has to use me as a 'dummy' but as soon as i put him in his moses basket he starts crying again wanting my nipple (and comfort through being held). I really don't know what to do and desperatley need to get him to fall a sleep on his own without the need to suck.

If we leave him to cry he just gets more and more worked up so I have to hold him anyway. when he cries at night his legs sort of 'twitch'/'spasm' too which i've never heard of before? ... probably because he's upset?

I know he's only 4 days old and is still adapting to the World around him etc but my first DS was the same and it was so tiring and difficult to stop this comfort sucking (it took over 6 months) so i'm eager to stop this happening before it takes a hold.

Does anyone have any advice?

Congratulations on your new baby! These early days are so hard, particularly day four, when your hormones are up in the air, your boobs are sore and you haven't had any sleep for days.

Is there anyone who can help, by taking your baby for a couple of hours so you can catch up on sleep?

Have you had good breastfeeding advice to make sure that your baby is latching on well, and so that your sore nipple scan start to heal?

I have to say, constant feeding is absolutely normal for a newborn baby. Nor just normal, but also healthy and necessary. Their stomachs are still very tiny, and very regular feeding is necessary(remember when he was in your tummy he was being fed constantly), and the sucking will also ensure you have enough milk to feed him.

jen....sorry you are feeling pressured and tired

Your baby is 4 days old - and adapting as you say. Comfort sucking is an essential part of his well-being - it gives him milk, yes, and just as important, it helps him learn the world is a good place, his needs are worth responding to, life is different on the outside but there are enough similarities (same voice, same taste, same closeness from mum) to help him get used to it.

Crying is a desperate state for a new baby to be in - you are doing the right thing in responding to him so he does not get upset and worked up.

Have someone look at how he latches on so you can both be comfortable and pain free. Try biological nurturing positions (google it or check mumsnet archive).

'Stopping' this normal comfort seeking is hard and possibly unkind. It is far easier for you, the grown up , to adjust expectations and lifestyle to meet his needs.

I don't know what happened with your first baby - he may just have needed you a lot OTOH, responding and not resisting the need of a new baby for comfort is associated with less crying and whinging later on, when the baby is a little older.

Going with the flow, and getting a comfortable bf attachment, is the way to go

i'd get him in a sling, pronto. some babies just like to be comforted all the time, and it's fair enough really as he's only four days old. i'd be careful of comparing him to your first ds all the time, iykwim, he might be a completely different kid. my two are chalk and cheese in so many ways.

Forgot to say, when I experienced this with my newborn babies, I just took to my bed for much to the day, feeding when the baby wanted, and resting inbetween. It also gives you a chance to recover from the birth.

Congratulations! I'm sympathetic, but your baby is 4 days old! He knows nothing about the world except that you are his source of comfort, food, love and anything else that he needs. It's necessary for your supply for you to go through this.
What is a dummy anyway but a plastic nipple?

He needs to suck alot to establish your milk supply. He also needs to suck for comfort.

I'll echo Belgo in asking if someone has checked your positioning - do you have a BF counsellor in your area?

I thought I was doing fine with DD2 until a BF counsellor showed me how to get a better latch - it was so reassuring and DD2 seemed to feed better and was much more contented as well.

thanks everyone, BUT.... how do i get DS from breast to bed without him waking and wanting breast again? Literally as soon as he touches the matress he's awake again and wants me? Even if i wait til he's in a deep sleep he still wakes? Why does this only happen at night and not throughout the day??

can you feed him in bed? I always found that more relaxing, and the baby's bed is right next to me to minimise the disturbance on transfer.

jen992, agree with what everyone has said about feeding.
However i do understand you need a break. I used to warm up dd's cot with a hairdryer and/or wrap her in blacket for the feed and then put her in the cot with the blanket. I think the cold sheets used to wake her up.
Congratulations.

The jolting/twitching is also normal, it is a bit like that feeling of falling before you go to sleep. He does not realise he is separate to you yet.

jen992 - my DD was very similar and had a severe aversion to her moses basket. I never got her to sleep in it. But I could put her down on a folded up blanket on our bed.

Wierdly, if I tried to lift this blanket and lower it into the moses basket she would wake up and howl. Mostly I did as Belgo says and took to bed with her and just let her feed when she wanted to and snoozed with her imbetween. Occasionally I got her to sleep in the lay-flat car seat next to the bed when I needed a bit of space from her.

Aw, jen....you describe things like the diff. between day and night as if they are set in stone! He's only had 3-4 nights! It's hardly a habit

Do what you need to do to keep life easy for yourself, which means offering him comfort and closeness in response to his needs.

You don't need to be thinking about stopping things in case they get worse/last a long time.....

For the first few weeks I think it seem endless. On demand is demanding but does get less so as the weeks go by. My son is now 16 weeks and had the same wake up whenever put down thing going on. I've got round it by putting him in his sleeping bag before the final feed of the day. That way he doesn't feel the cold so has (thus far) been staying asleep.

I had this with ds and his moses basket - one thing that helped was ensuring that when I fed at night I would also bring sheets and blanket - and these would go under him as well as on top - so when he was asleep in my arms his sheet and blanket underneath him were already warm so not so much of a shock when I put him back in his basket. It took alot of persistence, but he did get better. Its still very early days. Best of luck and congratulations!

Is it all night or is the the witching hour from early evening until midnightish? because the witching hour is completely normal as he is upping your supply by sucking, so that as his stomach capacity grows there is more milk for him.
Every few weeks there are growth spurts where this will happen for a few days but the first few weeks are the hardest.
Learn how to feed him lying down in bed so you can get some rest while he feeds. We also put a cot without a side on next to teh bed so we could sliiiiide them into it when they fell off!
Also don't put him in a cot or moses basket in the evening, keep him downstairs with you (in a sling is handiest as you can eat yourself!)
Both my DD's stayed downstairs wtih us until we went to bed for the first 6 or 7 weeks, both slept fine after that, waking a few tiems to feed but going back to sleep after.

It's normal, but the pain is not, do get someone to check it out.

Is swaddling recommended for a baby this small?

Maybe that will help him feel more secure when he's not in your arms.

Swaddling def recommended for babies this age. They feel safer swaddle after being closely confined in the womb (or so I read).

If you can feed lying down, then you simply let him fall asleep and then you quietly roll away from him.

There are several ways of doin this:

1. co-sleep with him in the bed with you and dp

2)co-sleep by addidng a single bed on the side for dp so you and lo have lots of space.

3)removing one side of a cot so you can move yourself slightly into it to feed

4. bany can sleep on a thin matress on the floor that you lie on too to feed then climb into bed when it has finished.

Hope some or one of these helps. Wish I'd done this with no.1.

Congratulations!
DS was the same (and still comfort sucks a bit 3 months on).
The only way we got him to sleep in his basket at first was by swaddling and DH and I had him attached via a sling to one or other of us for most of his first fortnight.
I am only now - slowly - using Elizabeth Pantley's technique for gently discouraging comfort sucking from the No Cry Sleep Solution and it is - slowly - working!

JEn sorry to see you are having a rough time. Just wanted to give you some hope! BabyG is 17 weeks old now but at hte beginning he was almost constantly feeding. I found it very difficult, I was sore and knackered. I felt like he was never out of my arms (he barely was!). I had lots of "rod for your own back" comments about the constant cuddling.

Now, with no "work" from me, he is happy to kick around on the rug and sleep on his own for naps (we cosleep at night though). He even goes to sleep without feeding to sleep, just closes his eyes and dozes off, wehther on a rug, in a cot, on the floor etc. I firmly believe that my early days of constant cuddling and feeding have made him feel very secure and now he's a bit older, he's confident enough to be left on his own (if you know what I mean! I don't mean that I nip to the pub or anything...!)

TAke care, its very early days and I thought it was going on forever at the time. ITs quite a different memory now