How do you know when bf is over?

[Maria2007]

Was just wondering about this today... My DS is 7 months, really lively & happy boy. He's been bf from the start; exclusively for 4 months, and then mixed feeding since (bottle of formula at 11 at night). We used to co-sleep, but we stopped 2 weeks ago, & he's now in his own cot / room (he's reacted fine to that). He's also dropped the 4 am feed, on his own accord, in the last month or so. He's on solids, happily eating those too.

He still breastfeeds happily first thing in the morning, at 2.30 or so in the afternoon, and once before bedtime. I also express a couple of times a day (& offer that as top-ups if needed, or when I go out). The bf is going fine...but I just have this weird sense that something is gradually winding down. I really can't put my fingers on it. He's very happy & keen to bf (as long as it's a relatively quiet, relatively dark room). He never asks for bf though, apart from the times I offer. So he never roots anymore- as he used to as a newborn. But as I said, he happily bf when it's offered. It's easygoing & painless (and stress free) to bf now... and yet, as I said, there's this sadness accompanying the experience. Perhaps I myself am ambivalent about things. My plan is to bf him until about 1 year (don't think I would want to do more than that). So why do I already have this very sad feeling that things are winding down? He's just growing way too fast... And I think I'll just be so so very sad when the breastfeeding ends. How will I know when is the right time? How do I go about it? (not physically, but emotionally). Even though I have this sadness- which as I said, is increasing- at the same time, I do welcome the changes, and his growth, if that makes sense. And it'll be liberating- on some level- to not be bf anymore. But I'm not ready, and how will I know when I am? Not sure if the baby is ready, I feel he likes the bf, it's a happy part of his life, but I also think he's fine with bottles. So (at least at the moment) I'm the one who is a bit conflicted & sad about it all.

Don't know if any of this makes sense. Just thought I'd put my thoughts down.

I think you'll find he'll stay like this for a while - it is rare for babies to self wean under a year. Though the bottles would complicate things I guess! I would carry on offering at regular intervals as it suits you - milk should still be his main source of nutrition until he is 1.

BouncingTurtle, I was referring more to the emotional aspects of stopping bf. I do know of course that milk is a very important source of nutrition, but surely that's true regardless of whether it's formula or breastmilk. So that's not the issue I was trying to talk about...

(Hello again Maria2007. Arthymum waves from Weaning and Sleep threads)

I don't have an answer for you as DS is first child - but I totally get how you feel. My plan was to bf for six months and then wean him straight onto formula pronto. But I just can't. For me the "sad" feeling was partly associated with weaning onto solids (not just reliant on me anymore) and partly that most of the time, like you say, he's just not that "into" it anymore. It's a funny one, isn't it? I love the fact he's growing up and becoming a real character but the flipside of that is that he will need me less and less (over years, I know).

I'm sure someone with experience of the bf ending will be along soon - but just wanted you to know you're not alone.

I'm ambivalent too about stopping. DD is 13 months, and we are basically down to morning and evening. She's sick now, so we're back up to 3x/day, and tho I knew it was wise, I felt like we were going backwards and was a bit bummed. On the other hand, I don't know how it is all going to stop, and I'm not really doing anything about it for the timebeing because I really love the closeness and the 'superpower' feeling of always being able to give that comfort.

In short, I hear you. Let's see what other folks have to say about stopping, as I've no experience!

is this just about breastfeeding or about your baby growing up in general?

Stealth- I'm not sure really. I think it's true, there's this general sadness about my DS growing up, it's just happening so FAST at the moment... He's 7 months, & in this last month his growth has been amazing. Even on a daily basis I can notice differences.

I think the bf is, for me, almost like an umbilical cord; it feels like a continuation of the pregnancy somehow, of me & DS being extremely close, as close really as two people can be. There's something very sad about even considering losing that closeness, and yet at the same time I feel that- for me- the solution would not be to just say 'I'll continue indefinitely'. There are reasons to stop (although I'm not there yet... not even close); and then there are reasons to continue. BTW I also found it very hard, emotionally, to stop co-sleeping; but again, I'm sure it was definitely the right choice for me & DP (and DS, actually) at the time when it happened. By the way, as I said, I have no plan at the moment to stop bf. I do say '1 year' but I'm not sure at all what that means in practice. Will I have enough milk at 1 year? Will I actually feel I want to go on even longer (very possible). Will I want to stop even before the one year mark? Many questions, unanswered ones. I wonder how someone can answer them, if there's a moment when it just feels 'right, it's time to stop', or if there's another way to do it. Or, indeed, if the baby shows signs that help the mother decide. So, no, I don't have a plan... but I'm just wondering if other women feel depressed even in the idea of stopping bf, and if actually stopping it does lead to a mild (or not so mild) depression.

bump?

Agree with you maria2007 about what you are saying about the closeness and it being an extension of pregnancy. I'm dreading giving it up so I've thought of a solution! I'm just going to keep having babies and tandem feed! I never understood people who continued to feed their toddlers and often felt sorry for these mums who couldn't let their children grow up but I'll admit it. I'm one of them now.

My DS is nearly 6mths old and although watching him growing up is exciting its bittersweet too. I guess its just something we have to get through one day and I'm sure it will feel like grieving for someone who has died. So I'm just going to enjoy every last second of it and make sure I can do it for as long as I can with all of my babies.

Thebreastmilk- great solution, having endless babies & tandem feeding . I agree, I think I would like to do this too in an ideal world...

Sigh.

The problem is, I don't even know if I'll have another child (hopefully I will) so atm I'm doing what you suggest in the 2nd paragraph, enjoying every last second, & hoping it lasts long enough. On the other hand, I also want to know & realize when the 'right' moment to stop comes, iykwIm... Which is the hard bit.

I know exactly what you mean. My DS is almost 2 and huge, independent and knows his own mind, which is wonderful, exaclty what I want, as long as by 7.30 he's snuggled up with me having his bedtime milk.

My DD was always going to be ( and is ) my last child.
She fed until she was three and on the way to four. I know what you mean about it feeling like the end of a very nurturing stage when our little ones move on but, because I was happy to feed as long as she waned I just didn't really worry about it.
As it was ( and much to my surprise) it gotto the point where it just didn't feel right for me anymore and i just gently started winding it down.
Frankly she is six now and would still feed if she could but we both settle for lots of cuddles and kisses instead.

Try not to focus on it and it will evole the way that is right for you and your DS

Well...

Coming back to this thread (which died out a while ago) just to say I'm still very conflicted on this one. Not sure if others have had the same experience. But at 7 & a half months of BF (last 2-3 months mixed feeding) I feel kind of torn about the whole thing. Not sure in which direction to go, if that makes sense. It feels heartbreaking to completely stop bf, and yet at the same time I'm so tired after months of sleepless nights... in a way, I'm grateful that DP has taken over the night feeding (and actually we're currently gradually weaning DS off his last bottle of milk in the night).

It does feel my milk supply is not at its greatest. I'm currently bf first thing in the morning, then sometimes before / after naps (not always). Then in the afternoon, and then at bedtime (but needing a top-up for that one). I know I could put DS on the breast more, & express more to encourage more bf... but I feel completely ambivalent about the whole thing, because I'm happy with our routine at the moment, and the way things are going.

What I'm realizing is that I'm gradually letting the bf go... even if I haven't actually accepted or said to myself that's what I'm doing, in reality that is what's happening. And I just wish I could feel less sad about the whole thing, but I'm finding it very hard (not sure why).

i found giving up bfeeding hard and emotional and i think at any age, there is always a sadness that such a special time is coming to an end.

we stopped at 11mths and i spent a couple of weeks being VERY teary and hormonal as my body readjusted. i felt sad, but at the time, i appreciated the independence and having my body 'back'. i was chuffed with myself for feeding 11 months (which i know is a lot shorter than others manage, but was a marathon achievement for me!).

the sadness, for me, was replaced by pride in time and other things become important.

but then, don't risk finishing earlier than you would have liked. you carry on for as long as is right for you!

there is no right or wrong answer here, but for me, the decision to stop totally was when i needed to for me (and that drive was more than any 'guilt' or sadness i had).

Likessleep (and the others) thanks for your responses. Yes, giving up bf is hard & emotional, but I'm happy to say that I feel I've kind of made a decision, which is (for now) to just let things take their natural course. No more expressing, just bf whenever I can / DS wants to / I want to (or a combination of the 3 above) & see how things go.

Last week DS had a fever & wanted to bf much much more than normal, so my supply kind of went up. These days he's back to his usual 2-3 times a day bf (if that) so I've decided that's the right pattern for us at the moment, & I'll go with that until it ends in a natural way. I'm kind of cutting down to be honest, so for example I don't necessarily bf him in the afternoon (only if I'm home, and sometimes I express even when at home & give him that) He's now almost 8 months. Let's see how we go.

I still feel emotional about the whole thing, but it's nice to have kind of accepted it's winding down. I know there's no 'right' or 'wrong', but for us winding down gradually at this point feels like the right choice. Just hope it doesn't end too soon...