Has anyone who has tandem fed regretted it?

[littlefrog]

I?m 32 weeks pg. DS 23 months. And I?m really torn about what to do. I never intended to feed 2 children at once, and I don?t (personally) know anyone who has. DS will take milk from cups etc., and we?re now down to just 1 feed each day, and sometimes not even that. He asks for bf more often than this, but not in a desperate way, and I say no, it?s not the right time.

I think I could drop the morning one too, completely, if I was more disciplined about getting myself up and dressed before getting DS up in the morning. If I?m still in bed when he gets up he wants to come in too for a cuddle and a feed. I think if I avoided the situation when he wants a feed, he probably wouldn?t mind stopping (hardly have any milk).

But. He loves his feeds, and so do I. He?s also lately seemed to start to make a connection between feeding and love: he ?feeds? his favourite toys, and sometimes his favourite books (!), and the last last thing I want to do is to take away something that makes him feel loved and wanted. If I wasn?t pg then I wouldn?t be thinking about stopping ? there?s no reason to, as it?s not a tie for me, and we both love it.

But (2). I?m scared of tandem feeding. I?m scared of having a second child, to be honest ? I want dc2, but at the same time I don?t feel I have any idea of how to balance the needs and wants of two little people. And I?m concerned that tandem feeding might make things harder, not easier. I really don?t want to go back to feeding DS frequently, and I can?t see him being happy to only feed once a day when the new baby feeds all the time. If someone could wave a wand and say DS will just go on as he is now, then I?d feed both of them really happily, but I?m worried that it?ll all spiral out of control, and nobody will help or support me. (Family etc. all v supportive of bf, but think this is a bit silly and asking for trouble).

I?ve got the Hilary Flowers book, but it?s really all positive, and I guess what I?d find helpful (oddly!) is some negative stories. Is there anyone who gave tandem feeding a go and hated it? and if so, what did you do? I need the other side of the story, so that I can try and work out if my fears are irrational, or whether I?ll just be much happier and more confident going with them, and stopping.

Remind me about that when you see me obsessing

Remind me about that when you see me obsessing

LOL, Double obsession

I was the same. First pregnancy I had vivid recurring nightmares about the steps up to our front door. How was I going to get the baby in and out the house...there are STEPS !!!! When I finally got home after a week inside the hospital, I didn't even notice the steps.

Too tired to reply properly now, but am tandem nursing 3 yo and 5 mo, and have found some positives and some negatives. Will try and find time/energy to say more tomorrow!

Just come back to this, thank you v much for all the new experiences, it's really helpful. And v interesting that it's SO uncommon for people to have had a (long-lasting) bad time with it - libnolmum, your situation sounds like it was horribly difficult, and probably related a good deal to a tough birth (?no?). Thank you so much for posting about it, it's this sort of situation I'm frightened of.

I'm having another go at the 'don't offer' route, and am avoiding the opportunity for the first morning feed by getting up earlier! Helps that we have a carpenter building some stuff for us who comes really early, and who DS is extremely keen on - much more interesting than having a cuddle with Mummy. So we'll see, maybe the decision is being made for me. Or maybe, as with some of the Hilary Flowers case study mums, he'll suddenly become a milk fiend again when the new one arrives...

Cantsleepwontsleep - would love to read your stories if you have time to post!

just bumping this up my list in the hopes of getting chance to post properly tonight, as I forgot last night .

Ok, here I am finally with a few mins to post properly!

Stealth - don't worry about the switching sides. Dd used to do that too, and I can't remember whether I stopped her doing it before/during/after my pregnancy with ds, but she doesn't try it now. In fact she now only feeds from one side, ever. She knows that the right breast is hers (although ds still feeds from it too), and that the left breast is ds'. I introduced this concept after a few incidents of ds drowning in a fast flow of foremilk in the early weeks, resulting in much screaming and crying. I was concerned that this was down to dd feeding and increasing the milk flow too much.

Goods things about tandem feeding are that you never get engorged, as you can get the toddler to feed if you think it's going that way. I've never worried about not having enough milk either, whereas I worried about that loads the first time around.

What I don't like about tandem feeding is dd wanting 'boo-boo' all the time because she sees her baby brother having it. We have had lots of tears and tantrums from dd since his birth, and many (but obv not all) have been about breastfeeding. I could obv have just fed her every time she asked, but see my next point...

I hated constantly being pinned to a chair feeding one or other or both of them in the early weeks. Whilst it was lovely seeing them both contented after a feed, I wouldn't get anything done because of it, and I started to feel like a cow with no other purpose! So I cut dd back to twice a day as standard, with an odd extra feed here and there, but these are generally 'a count of 3', which she'll sometimes negotiate up to 4 or 5. Given the chance I think she'd still feed about 8 times a day, and ds is now 5 months!

I think that the problem you have littlefrog, is that if you wean him now then in a few weeks time you may well find that he wants to nurse again anyway, and you will need to have a plan of action for how to deal with this. Also, if he has been happy just having one feed, then you may well not have a problem with him wanting to nurse all the time. Dd has always been a boob monster, so it was no surprise at all that she wanted to feed all the time.

Think I'm waffling now (am multi-tasking), but do ask if there's anything specific that you want to know, and let us know what you decide to do!

that's so helpful, thank you. You summarise just what I'm not sure of - that yes, it's very comforting and lovely for the children to bf, but can I really cope with providing all that they both ask for without becoming a (resentful!) martyr? Realistically I'm not sure I can.
I'm also disturbed by the idea of lots of tantrums being about feeding. I take your point that even if I stop now, that by no means means that DS won't want feeding when the new one arrives - it won't have been that long a break (and I did feed him this morning again, he was in a state, and I didn't want to say no to the 'please please please mummy').
Oh, I don't know... There isn't a right answer, is there!