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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

And the comments have started....

23 replies

CharCharGabor · 02/03/2009 20:48

My mother was visiting the other day. DD asked for a feed and came and sat on my knee.

Mother: Oh, is she still having breastmilk?

(DD sitting with her hand down my top simulating bfing on whatever bare skin she can find - me thinking 'WTF do you think?!')

I went for a confused, 'Yes of course she is,' in a tone implying, 'Why wouldn't she be?'

DD starts feeding.

Mother: Is she actually swallowing?

Me: (Thinking 'Of course not, that's why they call it breastsucking nowadays.')

I thought we'd done well to get to 19 months without too many comments. I knew that blardy woman would just have to bring it up.

OP posts:

PortAndLemon · 02/03/2009 20:53

You could try referring to it as "human milk" rather than "breastmilk" when you're around her... it sort of undercuts the implied point she's trying to make.

StealthPolarBear · 02/03/2009 20:58

Don't do what my mum does and refer to moo juice as "special milk"
In her possible defence I think she was trying to tell DS that he gets full fat whereas grandad only gets semi skimmed

FairMidden · 02/03/2009 21:06

My (until now massively supportive) Mum said recently "You don't want to be one of those people still breastfeeding at the school gates". Because, you know, it's awful how you have to elbow your way through crowds of feeding toddlers just to get them in the door

I was really disappointed. We all self-weaned around a year of age, but DS is 19 months and showing no signs of stopping. Which is OK - it is driving me nuts sometimes, with all the night-feeding and tooth-rubbing and refusing to settle for me. But he's not ready to stop. So we won't.

In general I don't make a secret of the fact that we're still feeding, and if it comes up in conversation I try to use a tone that expects the other person to be impressed, if that makes sense, and so far no nasty comments.

Original poster

CharCharGabor · 02/03/2009 21:07

I might do that PortandLemon, see if she gets the hint. It's unlikely though. Sigh, mothers are so annoying. My mother's always on about cow's milk SPB, drives me nuts.

OP posts:

Lindenlass · 02/03/2009 21:08

gah! I've been so lucky to not have anyone in our family rude enough to comment like that.

Lots of support coming your way from me who has fed DD1 and DD2 for 30m, tandem fed twice, fed DD3 for 18m (surprisingly early weaning!) and am now feeding lovely DD4 at 5m and fast realising that I'm already a minority with her

Original poster

CharCharGabor · 02/03/2009 21:10

at 'still bfing at the schoolgates.' In all honesty I have never seen that. My mother's always been pretend supportive. She didn't like it but pretended she thought it was great. The look on her face the other day was of pure digust. I wanted to kick off tbh but restrained myself (just).

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Original poster

CharCharGabor · 02/03/2009 21:11

Ta ll A load of support right back atcha.

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PinkyMinxy · 02/03/2009 21:11

My mum used to like telling everyone I was still bfeeding DD1, expecting people to be shocked, she was sadly disappointed by the amount of approval this news received! In fact the only person who reacted negatively was a friend of the family who is a midwife.

Lindenlass · 02/03/2009 21:12

Make her read 'Mothering Your Nursing Toddler'

HumphreyCobbler · 02/03/2009 21:15

When people say make comments like that to me I just say really enthusiastically
"Yes. Isn't it brilliant!"

It is very hard to be negative after that.

DeeBlindMice · 02/03/2009 21:16

PMSL @ "Is she actually swallowing?"

No, her mouth is gradually filling with milk and in a minute her cheeks are going to burst and breast human milk will spurt everywhere

Mothers can be annoying, but luckily most of us have a pretty good ignore filter for our own mothers. I think that's why people find MILs so hard - because they haven't got that.

Do you think you can just let it wash over you, or will she keep on at it until you have to have words?

Original poster

CharCharGabor · 02/03/2009 21:17

My mother's whole family will be having a good gossip about how terrible it is Tis what they do best. Luckily I don't have much to do with them so don't need their support.

I thought of that the other day ll. I thought if she comments I'll tell her to go and do some research on the negative side to natural term bfing and get back to me. Might get rid of her for a while at least I've got things I could show her but I don't think she'd bother reading them tbh.

OP posts:

PinkyMinxy · 02/03/2009 21:20

charchar, my mum likes collaging together bits of 'resssearch' she has gleaned from newspapers etc. It keeps her busy.

Original poster

CharCharGabor · 02/03/2009 21:22

lol at bursting cheeks We don't get on very well so I struggle to let it go. I know as well that she will keep bringing it up as she likes to criticise. So I will probably have to have words soon. I don't think the positive comment would work with my mother tbh, HC, she likes to bring me down too much. I will be using that for anyone else that says anything though, thanks

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Lindenlass · 02/03/2009 21:26

what about the stuff from Kellymom? that's easy to digest.

StercusAccidit · 02/03/2009 21:36

DP's family will probably be like this

I see it coming as DS is only 6 weeks and already they are asking how long it goes on for.

I am therefore practising the use of the word BOLLOCKS ready for when i need it lol

Some people seem to think they have a right to tell you how to parent. This is no different. They are ignorant..so ignore them

Original poster

CharCharGabor · 02/03/2009 21:43

Will keep kellymom in mind though I don't think it'll make much difference. She was the same with blw, I sent a load of info but she was still the same.

Sorry you're stuck with it too Stercus

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homicidalmatriach · 02/03/2009 21:50

Ah Char Char - take heart, after a few years you stop listening to the crap that comes from various parents and inlaws re nursing. Mine says: 'I don't know anything about breastfeeding but surely.......' (I can't tell you what comes next because I just switch off and imagine kittens rolling round in a basket so I can smile sweetly back at her while totally zoning out whatever tosh is coming out.)

In her case, it's largely about guilt because she never even tried to breastfeed any of us and has stated she didn't want the hassle of doing so but does wonder if it affected our health.

LuluLulabelle · 03/03/2009 09:45

Oh I wish a filter existed for comments like these.

My MIL seems fascinated and repulsed by my breastfeeding my 5 week old. She is always trying to watch me do it but can't stop with the negative comments:

She's gone big, what on earth are you feeding her (proudly told her it was all BF, no formula top ups now - but she looked horrified that DS had grown in the 4 weeks since she'd seen her).

How much does she get at each feed? You'd now if you bottle fed her.

Is she hungry again? How many times have you fed her today? She needs hungry baby formula.

Its not so much the quantity of your breastmilk that concerns me but the quality (she didn't elaborate!).

I couldn't stand the thought of BF, didn't want to ruin my boobs (if you could see her you'd know how hilarious this comment is!)

This was all in one visit on Saturday. It astounds me that she would be more comfortable with DS being bottle fed.

If you find a way to block the comments out let me know how!

BCLass · 03/03/2009 10:47

DD is 4 1/2 months and already getting comments about finishing breastfeeding from MIL and mother.

I have just started donating breastmilk for prem babies and told my mum, expecting a bit of praise for this (unwisely). She said that surely there was no point because I would be done 'with all that' soon.

I will finish when dd self weans, so unlikely to be in the bear future i think......!

tiktok · 03/03/2009 10:48

Lulululabelle - it's just not acceptable for your MIL to be so negative. It's rude. Would dh say something on your behalf?

Or how about, 'MIL, I can hear you are a bit uncomfortable and doubtful about breastfeeding - what can I say that would reassure you?' said in a nice voice. YOu can then answer her Qs.

LuluLulabelle · 03/03/2009 10:58

Hi Tiktok, He defended me when she mentioned quality v quantity but wasn't around for other comments. I have asked him to say something but he thinks if you ignore her she'll stop. I had a chat with her a couple of weeks ago and told her that people had been unsupportive of my bf but I felt strongly about it so the comments weren't helpful. I did that in the hope that it would get her to keep her comments to herself.

Part of me thinks she is jealous and takes it personally that I have chosen to bf and she didn't. She says "they say breast is best but my boys were ff and are fine". Tried to explain the benefits but she has selective hearing.

On the upside, I hopefully won't see her until the end of April!

lollipopmother · 03/03/2009 11:13

It's a shame that people can't get behind you on things like bf and blw just because they didn't do it. My mum is fine with bf as she bf'd me for a year, but she's currently being a complete arse over BLW, I do often wonder why I bother having conversations with her about parenting because it always ends up with her talking absolute pony and me humming a little tune in y head so that I don't issue a verbal assault!

I find the in-laws much nicer to cope with, MIL didn't bf due to shitty advice for her first DS who was a premie, and then just went with what she knew for the 2nd. I always get the 'you're still bfing' thing but in a very positive way. They do ask about weaning too but I think that's fair enough, their generation weaned at 4m so it's not unexpected that they'd be confused.

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