I'm pregnant and not sure how/when to wean my 18-month old

[naturelover]

I only ever planned to bf DD for 18 months, and that's how old she is now. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and pretty sure I don't want to tandem feed, so I think now might be the right time to wean her off the breast and have a decent break (6 months) before DC2 arrives.

DD only feeds twice a day, morning and night, and it's very much part of her start/end of the day routine, and I enjoy it. I wondered if "don't offer, don't refuse" might work - or perhaps change her bedtime and morning routines so that milk is not a part of it?

I'm so worried she'll be upset, it feels vaguely wrong to stop (and I'm sure some of you will say, "so don't stop"). Which trimester is when the milk supply drops a bit and the taste changes? I would love it if DD self-weaned during my pregnancy. I want to make the whole thing as gentle as possible for her.

My other concern is that she doesn't drink any other type of milk. I think she just doesn't like the taste of cow's milk or goat's milk, although I've only offered a handful of times. Should I warm the milk slightly? Should I offer it at bedtime and hope she eventually takes the substitute for boob?

My final concern is that when the baby arrives, she will remember breastfeeding and want to nurse again. Does anyone have experience of this?

Many thanks

Hi naturelover this is the same dilema I had a month or so ago. Firstly - well done on feeding so long - it's great isn't it. Please have a look here at another thread where I replied to a similar question and other people commented too. Here's what I wrote:

I finally gave up at 17 months when I was 3 months preg. I dropped the feeds randomly and slowly ... On some days I got hubby to take DD straight down for breakfast on waking so she didn't get a feed or see me (and I had a blessed lie-in). On other days I sat her on my knee at bedtime (with a new and nice sucky cup of warm milk)- put her back to my stomach so she wasn't in the feeding position - and read her a story giving her a cuddle. Then to bed with minimal fuss. After a week or so of this we went cold-turkey. She cried a (tiny) bit and I had one heart-rending day on day three of cold-turkey. She always did a hand sign for a feed (open and close hand) and was doing this to me first thing in the morning and saying "pease mummy pease" (sob) I said "no baby sorr"y but she carried on. Then she jumped down from the bed and toddled over to the corner and started to drag my L-shaped BF pillow out of the corner (not used it in months!). She dragged it onto my knee, put her head on it and said "yes mummy! .... pease" as though I just needed reminding what it was she wanted (more sobs). I nearly broke then but took her downstairs and gave her cuddles. After that she pretty much forgot about it. I was really surprised at how non-traumatic it was. Good luck with it and as I say - well done for lasting so long.

Maybe do as I did and get a nice cup your daughter may enjoy drinking out of. I find my DD would drink pureed sprouts if she drank it with a straw, out of a fruit shoot bottle, from her new cow cup or from a cup with no lid. Warming the milk to body temperature helped as well. DD would never take a bottle and I struggled to find a cup she'd drink from but managed eventually (tommee tipee folding spout ones). Good luck with it all.

Thanks BonzoDoodah, that is very very helpful to read your experience. I feel emotional at the thought of having to say no to her, as you did. And I will check out that other thread soon. I knew I wouldn't be the first person to have this dilemma!

I carried on feeding throughout my pregnancy, and I am now 30 weeks. I decided to continue doing what I've always doing. I've always assumed that at some point DS would self-wean, and assumed that he'd do that doing my pregnancy. I don't offer, and I don't refuse.

To be honest, lately I've found that the frequency of his feeding has increased, but he has also been telling me that I'm empty. So who knows.

Now that I'm 30 weeks, DS has started (I think) to feel quite insecure about the baby coming and I'm now wondering if feeding will help maintain some sort of security for him during the early days of having a new baby around the place, so I'm now hoping he won't self-wean for a while!

Don't offer, don't refuse hasn't worked for me, but it might for you, who knows? Good luck!

naturelover - La Leche League have a book called "Adventures in Tandem nursing" by Hilary Flowers which you might find helpful to read.

You say you don't want to tandem feed, but there is a fair bit in the book about feeding during pregnancy.

I haven't managed to conceive again whilst feeding (ds is 3.4yo), so don't have any first hand advice I'm afraid.

Good luck

hi my 19 mth old self weaned when i was 14 wks pg, she suddenly went of the milk. I was sad but also relieved because she decided to stop byherself. My daughter never asked for boobie once the new baby was born but would snuggle up for a cuddle lots when i was feeding, my daughter also never took to cows milk but she eats a yoghurt a day and has cheese so sh is gettign calcium and will have milk on her cereal. she just went to bed without having a mmilky drink and just drank lots of water thgouhout the day. congrats on your pg

I was still bf'ing ds1 when i was pg with ds2. Ds1 was just having night and morning feeds at the time but tbh it was mostly because it was always offered. One night i tried giving him a cup of milk (used formula at first because he didn't like/want than cows milk) and he took the cup no problem. So then we were down to just the morning feed. At around 4months pg he didn't want the morning feed even though it was offered. It was a bit intermittant, one day he'd have it, the next he wouldn't, eventually he just wasn't interested so i stopped offereing.

He does remember bf'ing but it's never been an issue, (although he did try to latch on once when i was leaning over him in in the changing rooms after swimming).

my dd at 16 mo suddenly self weaned before i realised i was pregnant but after 2 days of aching boobs i persuaded her to feed again, ahh the relief! a couple of weeks later when i knew i was pregnant i decided we may as well stop. it was only 1 feed at bedtime but she had always fed to sleep.
i started giving her cow's milk in sippy cup before bed and took it up to bed with us for storytime. she was a bit cross first night but i wore a big polo neck jumper tucked in tight, no boob grabbing possible and it was suprisingly easy. the 2nd night she seemed resigned to the cup and now 2 months she still has milk in a cup but most often doesn't drink much of it

Snarf02- pretty much exactly the same thing happened with me and ds. He self-weaned at 20 mths when I was 16 wks pg- he just suddenly went off the idea. He was just having a boob before bed, but it was a pretty important part of his night-time routine. One night, he just fell asleep on my lap having a cuddle- did the same the next night, and never wanted to bf again.

It seemed to coincide with me all of a sudden getting much bigger- so I do wonder if perhaps he wasn't getting as much milk, or it had changed in some way. I had been feeling really worried about stopping bf for the same reasons as you naturelover, but it ended up being totally non-stressful for us both.

DS HATES cows/goats milk and cheese, but he will eat yoghurt and milky porridge.

I reckon, try to stop worrying about it- judging by these other posts, it will all work out easier than you think.

Thanks everyone for responding. After much thought I've decided this weekend I will try to drop the evening feed. I feel very wobbly about it! Worried it will upset her, worried she won't go to sleep (her sleep was problematic for a few months but has been good for a little while now - and I don't really want to rock the boat).

I can't decide if I will do the usual bedtime routine but skip the boob and just put her down in her cot and hope she doesn't mind, or whether I should change her bedtime routine to involve a cup of warmed milk downstairs and a story. Any thoughts?

I think I will wait a couple of weeks before dropping the morning feed because it's the lovely, leisurely feed of the day. I am a bit worried that moving house at the end of the month will also disrupt things....

I guess I should just stop worrying and give it a try!

Good luck with it. I'd replace the boob-feed with a cup feed and a story (if it were me). As then she's not missing out ont eh cuddle time in the evening. My DD lives the snuggle before bed and the milk and cup just replaced the boob so she didn't feel doubly-bereft. Let us know how you get on.

She looks at milk in a cup like it's poison - refuses to even taste it. So far we've done two evenings of cuddle and story, then bed, and although she cried hard for a couple of minutes, she DID settle and sleep without boob which is a huge relief for me. I still feel like the meanest mum in the world though!

I would feel happier if she would drink milk or eat yoghurt, even though she eats plenty of cheese and mackerel/sardines.

If it's stressing you out and she will drink water isn't there some bottled water with added calcium that you can buy? I'd check it doesn't have a high salt content and is suitable for young ones but that may help you feel better. Or just leave it for now if she's happy with the cuddles? It is tough isn't it ... but you just have to remind yourself that she won't remember it in a month and you did do the best for her all this time.

Hi

I was so worried about weaning DS2 as he has always loved bfing and has a dairy allergy which complicates things further (will not drink soya milk). At 24 weeks pg I had really had enough (and wanted a decent break before the new baby) and decided to try and stop. He was 18 months. I thought it would be horrendous and distressing for us both but it has been fine!

He was mainly only feeding first and last thing, but would also have little feeds in the day for comfort. Firstly I cut out all daytime feeds just by distracting him. Then I dropped the early morning one by persuading DH to get him up and give him breakfast straightaway. Finally, we dropped the evening feed. I tried giving him (soya) milk in a cup at bedtime but he really wasn't keen. So we just sat and cuddled and watched Night Garden then started a new routine of having bedtime stories in bed with DS1 - which he loves! Then straight to cot.

It took almost two weeks altogether and although all the distracting was wearing (and I nearly gave in several times!!) it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. My only concern now is his calcium intake but he has soya milk on cereal, soya yoghurts, soya 'cheese spread' etc so am hoping he's getting enough.

Good luck, I know it's hard and I do miss feeding him but it won't be long until starting again with the next one!!