3.5 weeks of Breastfeeding DS2 - Feeling Down Like 1st Time

[Beccatheboo]

I breastfed my first son for 3.5 weeks, at which point I felt I couldn't go on. I was very down, had sore and bleeding nipples, he had lost quite a bit of weight (from 50th to 9th centile), and I didn't want to feed in public so was feeling increasingly tied to the house. My DS2 is now 3.5 weeks and today I suddenly feel the same. It's weird, as I was fine yesterday (although one thing I have been struggling with is lack of time with my eldest son). I have been struggling to latch on the baby (like I've forgotten overnight) and my nipples are sore, and have been crying for most of the day. Why? Not a question to anyone really, just need to put my feelings down on 'paper'. I want to do the best for my child, but I think I'm 'going to crack' and give him formula. Last time (DS1) I was wracked with guilt for doing so, but he has turned out to be an exceptionally clever little boy. DS2 has gone from 7lb 3 (7lb 11 at birth) to 8lb so weight is no issue. Argh! It's so weird. (Excuse ramble but my head is so woolly.)

I struggled to bf DS1 in hospital after a c-section. Given v. little help until it was too late and I had already made the decision to switch to formula. Wracked with guilt, blighted the first few weeks. felt that I was not a "real" mum, for not only having to have a section, but also not feeding "properly". Everyone I knew or seemed to see around was bf.

DS2 - thought I was determined to bf, but then had to have a transfusion, feeling v.v ill, so decided on day 2 to FF again. Fact that DS1 has thrived on it helped make the decision.
Slight guilt pangs, but this time felt that it was the best and rational choice, giving me more time with DS2 (who was 2.5 and extremely angry about the birth of his baby bro.) Also meant DH could bond with DS2 (and do some night feeds).

DSs 5 and 8 now. I wish I had had more help at the beginning, but more than that I regret the time I wasted as a new mum feeling bad. I feel that how they are fed is only one part of being a good mum.

I hope you get some help from more experienced breast feeders here, but in the end you will decide to do what is best for you and your family x

Meant to say gave me more time with DS1 in second paragraph!

3 weeks is often referred to as "the dark night of the soul" where bf is concerned.
although ff would make life easier/less painful now later on bf is the height of ease! another couple of weeks and you will be flying! a lot of the mums on here use the motto, "this will pass", others keep going for just one more feed.
dont be hard on yourself, youve just had a baby fgs and are doing really well.
ive heard that carrot juice can help bleeding nipples, lansinoh was a God send for me.
everything you are going through is totally natural at this stage.
it does get easier

I love your expression "the dark night of soul" lmao, it is very appropriate and exactly how I felt at that stage. I can only echo motherlovebone in that I just persevered through the bad times (and it got bad, mastitis then nipple thrush for nearly 2 months). I did everything possible to get through, including a great amount of expressing and also nipple shields (both of which took a long time for me to wean myself off them), oh, and I left the hospital formula feeding and now i'm 100% breastfeeding direct from the breast. I wouldn't recommend formula if you want to keep breastfeeding as it can affect supply.

Sorry, this has turned abit wooly too but my main aim was to encourage you to try for abit longer if you can (do you have lanisoh cream, I find it fantastic).

Can you get some RL support from a bf counsellor for the sore nips and/or find a bf friendly group where you can go for some support and a bit of a moan? It's all * hard in those early weeks. It might end up being the case that formula is the right way to go for you and your family but it would probably be really good to talk it over with someone who is not going to "push formula" as the easy option. It would be good if it could be a choice you could make. A good BF counsellor will listen to you, enable you to explore your options and leave you to make up your own mind about how to feed the baby. Sorry you are feeling so down. I hope you get some peace of mind.