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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Indulged child

23 replies

dancingonmice · 25/02/2009 19:28

Ok so I know it is a stupid, throwaway comment from someone of an different generation but was told today that DD is being indulged as I am bfing. She is 8 months.

I'm not indulging her, I'm feeding her! I like doing it (find it easy now, takes minutes, and I just like it) and am planning to carry on, possibly beyond one year. I shall have to keep it a secret and join some kind of underground bfing movement so I can talk about it.

OP posts:

mrsgboring · 25/02/2009 19:30

My MIL one day called DS "debauched" for feeding a lot when he was ill (toddler age though). You do have to shrug it off, or alternatively reel off a long spiel to the effect that the commenter has his head up his arse. Depends on mood and who it was.

ShowOfHands · 25/02/2009 19:33

I've made a rod. I keep it in my back.

DD is 21mo and still bfed.

I quite like debauched, how descriptive. Wrong, but descriptive.

Original poster

dancingonmice · 25/02/2009 19:36

ShowOfHands how often does she bf? Do people stop doig it in public after a certain age (baby not mother)

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 25/02/2009 19:36

How irritating.

At eight months too.

I'm feeding two and one of them is a toddler, what would they say about that?

Original poster

dancingonmice · 25/02/2009 19:37

fashions rod!!!

OP posts:

theyoungvisiter · 25/02/2009 19:40

[stands up]

Hello, I am the Young Visiter and I have made a Rod for my Own Back.

[sits down]

(actually 2 rods, as I have two children I suppose.)

mrsgboring · 25/02/2009 19:48

I still feed in public occasionally with an over 3, though I am more likely to say no these days. Have grown an incredibly thick skin, and in fact, have very rarely had a negative comment and often lots of positives. Please don't let this idiot get you down.

Anglepoise · 25/02/2009 19:54

I like

I am Anglepoise. I bf on demand, feed her to sleep, cuddle her to sleep, let her sleep on me and give her kisses for no reason. I have made a rod for my own back (but man it feels so good)! Guess I'll just have to go on feeding and cuddling her now that she expects it

PigeonPie · 25/02/2009 20:11

Hello, I'm PigeonPie and I too have fashioned a rod! DS1 (3.3) doesn't seem too scarred by it and I will continue to feed DS2 (13 months) as and when he wants it - well apart from at night, finally managed to get him to sleep through - hurrah!

SnowlightMcKenzie · 25/02/2009 20:17

angle You'll be hugging her when she is 18 at this rate

TheRedSalamander · 25/02/2009 20:56

If we have any more children and the next one is a boy, I might actually call him Rod. 2 ds's so far, youngest 8 months and still bfing round the clock. (see my other desperate plea for help post)

ShowOfHands · 25/02/2009 21:34

DD feeds when she wants. Sometimes this is just morning and evening, sometimes it's several times a day and a couple of times a night. I do feed in public but not so often now as she's not so insistent.

Terrible isn't it. Stuck in a vicious cycle of hugging and kissing our children.

mawbroon · 25/02/2009 21:38

Oh FFS, that's very annoying! How much of a different generation? Old enough to dismiss as a daft old bat?

Send her my way where I feed my 3.4yo ds anytime, anywhere. There is no hope for him, poor boy.

Wonderstuff · 25/02/2009 21:47

HV said I was making a rod for back when I didn't discipline 5mo dd for not sitting still during nappy change!!
She is 15mo and gets bf on demand (except for nights when she demands too often)

Anglepoise · 25/02/2009 22:54

snowlight I know It's terrible

TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 25/02/2009 23:23

ShowofHands, I love your post!

I'm still feeding my 2 1/2 YO, she doesn't ask very often anymore I want to try getting into a routine of offering before bed because I think she's just got into a habit of not asking (she lived with my parents when I was pregnant and in and out of hospital) and that she does still want it. Anyway, she does sometimes ask in public and I guage her as to whether I give it. If she is just saying it, like it's sweets or "I want this and that, I want some of those" then I say later or distract. If she is genuinely wanting it, needing to snuggle or so tired she can't eat or wanting it to help wind down then she gets it.

alexpolismum · 26/02/2009 08:47

My ds is no longer breastfed, but whenever I pick him up, cuddle him or in fact do anything affectionate, I'm told I'm spoiling him! (he's 22 months!)

My dd (7.5 months) is breastfed. I'm constantly being told I'm going to make her like her brother (!) and that she'll never get independent!! At 7 months! It used to annoy me, but now I just laugh. You can't take such silliness seriously, let's face it

tiktok · 26/02/2009 09:43

alexpolismum - who are these people who are saying this to you???? And constantly??? How about doing more than laughing, but telling them 'enough!'. It's not good for your children to hear you being criticised and undermined in this way

alexpolismum · 26/02/2009 13:52

tiktok - my PIL say this sort of thing all the time. My FIL especially goes on about how his mother always used to say not to pick children up. My MIL seems to take it as a personal affront that I breastfeed (I wrote on Maria2007's thread about how to respond to the question are you still breastfeeding - she says to me "why bother" (den variesai) and has been known to take the baby out of my arms when he was just squirming a bit but hadn't actually finished feeding. I did have to put my foot down on that occasion.)

However, I try to diffuse the situation by laughing it off. I hope the children will see it more of a joke and less as crticism. I don't want to be at odds with my PIL, after all, they are my children's grandparents.

It's difficult to just tell them to stop. Quite apart from their selective hearing, it took a long time for them to accept my relationship with their son, they resented the fact that I was (still am!) a foreigner and from a different religious background. Although things have improved, they still make comments like this, and not just to me, but to their son, my dh as well, and I just try to recognise that they are of a different generation and I try to be patient with them. I'm hoping that my children will also understand this one day.

tiktok · 26/02/2009 23:56

Hmmmm...you are more tolerant than they deserve, I think (time for DH to put his foot down, maybe, too? ).

Just my opinion - I know I would not put up with it, personally

Maria2007 · 27/02/2009 10:06

Alexpolismum: After reading your posts (and the others in my own thread on this topic) I'm pretty sure that it's a cultural thing, having to do with the particular country we're both talking about . I'm having a bit of a rerun of the same old same old these days. Parents are here visiting for a week, & one of the first things my father asked was 'how's the feeding going?' I said 'fine'. He then said (kindly, I have to stress): 'so tell me what's DS eating these days?' I said '3 solid meals & some milk' (& gave examples of the solids in order to change the subject!!) He then said 'but then how's the bf going'? (wouldn't give it up!!) I said 'ok, he has about about 4 milk feeds a day). He said 'so basically you're cutting down on the bf, yes?' (sounding hopeful). My mother then jumped in & said 'no no, she's not, she's STILL bf normally' (sounding a bit annoyed, but trying hard to be polite).

So there you have it. My DS, btw, is not even 7 months... .

alexpolismum · 27/02/2009 15:28

Maria2007 - I think you're right - it is a cultural thing. IRL in this country I don't know anyone else who breastfeeds or has breastfed. My MIL is from a rural area and thought that formula was a great innovation as it allowed women to leave the babies with their grandparents so that they could go and work in the fields. You know what I mean. I think MIL resents my having the experience of breastfeeding that she never had but would perhaps liked to have had and so takes it out on me with her nasty comments and so on.

I know that other people wonder how I put up with it, but I actually feel sorry for MIL. She is practically illiterate, as she only went to primary school and then was forced to leave to look after younger siblings (she still does very careful, beautiful letters in the polytoniko, though!). She clings to old sayings and traditions as a security blanket, and if I am tolerant, it is because I pity her. I cannot imagine life without books and reading, life married to someone who was chosen for you, rarely leaving the area where you were born.

However, back to the breastfeeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel. One of dh's younger cousins, who is currently pregnant, has asked me (yes, me!!) to give her some advice on breastfeeding and help her out when the time comes. Unfortunately, her English isn't very good, so I can't just tell her to read Mumsnet!

(Just another sidetrack - Maria - do you mind if I ask which area you are from?

alexpolismum · 27/02/2009 15:37

I also wanted to say, just bear with them, Maria, they won't be there long enough to make it worth fighting about. There was a case on the news here recently about a very young baby who ended up dying in hospital after being given honey on a dummy and suffering a severe allergic reaction. (I think he's recovering now) Your parents have probably heard about it - you could always refer to it and point out that bf helps to protect against allergies.

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