I am not enjoying breastfeeding... he is 21 months now.

[corazonconrazon]

He is 21 months now, he loves his milk and drinks a lot of it... to my standards, or it feels like it? Some days he wont drink in the day, some days he has his nap after a feed. Has more when he goes to bed, again 4 hours later, again 3 hours later, and again in the morning; and i feel drained. Now on ocassions i realize i am not enjoying it at all, i feel deprived, from continuous sleep, from evening actictivities, from privacy. I love him like crazy and i have enjoyed BF so much i would hate to end up relationship in tears.
Formula is out of the question. He doesnt use a dummy or sucks his thumb.
I dont mind if he feeds once or twice but as things are i am not happy, i am trying to reason with him and on occasions it works but after a cry...
I am not sure i would mind if he didnt BF any more but i am not sure what to do, somehow i find it hard to imagine he is going to stop by him self.
Anyone been there?

Is it formula that's out or a bottle? What about cows milk?

SOunds like maybe its not the feeding thats the issue but you not getting any sleep. Is he feeding mainly at night?

Congratulations by the way - you've done such an amazing thing feeding him this long!

We are vegan so cows milk not possible, bottle... not entirely comfortable with... a sip cup ok, bottle if i cant handle it anymore. Yes he feeds mainly at night, when i an not conscious enough to refuse or do anything about it.

How about offering an alternate feed in the daytime, and tell him day is for milk, night is for sleep.

I'd be reluctant to wean if I was bringing DS up vegan.

I think a lot of extended breastfeeders reach a point like you. I certainly felt like you when my son got to two.

This is what I did to gently discourage my son from the breast. It took about 10 months to wean him without tears.

1. Don't offer, don't refuse (or more honestly only refuse when the methods below have failed.)

2. Subsitution, ie. if you know he likes a feed at a certain time of day then give him something else to eat or drink before he asks.

3. Think about routine. If you sit in a particular chair after lunch that he associates with nursing then do something different. Ie. take him out to the partk

4. Distraction, get him interested in something else like a book, or go out before he has the chance to ask to nurse.

5. There is a good book called the "No Cry Sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley which is aimed at babies. I believe she wrote one for toddlers but I haven't read it. It might be worth trying.

6. Do you co sleep. Would your partner be prepared to go and see your son in the night and prehaps cuddle him and offer water.

Maybe it would be worth going to a La Leche League meeting. You would meet like minded mothers who would understand.

Hi corazonconrazon... My DS is 20months and still BF. We used to co-sleep and feed all night but i night weaned him which took lots of tears and cuddles and around 2 weeks.. He used to BF around 10 times a day up until 3 months ago when he started to drop a few.. I have stuck to the 'dont offer dont refuse' and he has just dropped more and more and when he does feed its just seconds. he still has a big feed before bed. We are vegan and offer soy milk in a cup first thing and in the evening. He has water or juice the rest of the time. I think its just a case of having lots of drinks available and to offer them frequently.. I also found that being busy and out and about made him ask for less feeds as I rarely feed him when not at home.
Good luck

If you are not happy breastfeeding, I would say "Stop". You've done great BF for 21 months.

Do you BF exclusively? At his age, I would think his main nutrition would be solid food rather than milk.

Also, stop night feeds, and you will see that he will sleep through the night in a few days.

I understand why you'd rather not see your DS cry, but some tears are inevitable when you want to change behaviour that he has known as 'normal' since day 1 - feeding twice through the night, for example.

I felt exactly like this at this point with DD - it is bloody hard work and it can feel like they are sucking the life out of you - I know I'm feeding two. But one is now self weaning at 2.3 (it can happen don't worry!)

You need to decide what you have to do to maintain your sanity - which may include night weaning. Do you have a supportive partner who is prepared to walk him up and down all night for three nights till he gets the idea there is no milk after 10pm and before 6am?

what a pickle... well i think it is mainly time to have a plan...i did reade the non cry sleep solution but at the time i was about to go traveling so it didnt seem appropiate to apply. We do cosleep and not sure my partner is up to anything once we've gone to bed except putting up with it so we'll see. he eats his solids quite well, perhaps i'll introduce a desert, and do the whole routine earlyer.
thank you all.

I'm not vegan, but my Ds is allergic to cow's milk, so when i gave up bfing him at 23 months he moved onto rice or oat milk from a sippy cup.

It was a bit different for us as he wasn't feeding at night anymore and I had spent a while cutting the feed down to morning and before bed, but going cold turkey worked for us.

I was a bit upset about giving up, but wanted another baby, but i don't miss it at all now. Neither does DS, he stopped asking after less than a week.