BF experts please talk to me - It's over and I'm sad

[almama]

I'm wondering if one of the experts on here could give me a word to cheer me up.

My 13 mo dd was only ever BF. No bottles, or even dummies. We never had problems until she was sick a month ago and went on a nursing strike - from which she has not returned. I've tried everything and more to encourage her to start again. I've even spent days walking around topless (at home ), to remind her that my boobs are here. And yet, she is completely and totally uninterested - except for the occasional bite.

I have been expressing 3x/day since the strike began, but my supply has dwindled. The last few days I can spend hours pumping and getting only drops. My plan was to keep trying for at least 40 days - as I read a blog about a 40 day nursing strike. Day 31, and it looks like my breasts have given up. I think I have to admit it is over.

I know I should be happy that I got to 12 months, as many people struggle, but I just wasn't ready to stop. I wanted to follow the 2 year WHO guidelines. Plus, I miss it terribly. It was such a wonderful, fulfilling, serene part of being a mother to her.

SO I keep reading that babies don't self-wean earlier than 18-24 months. The implication being that if a baby weans at this age it is basically mother-led. But here I am, desperate for her not to wean, and yet feeling like a failed breastfeeding mum.

... I guess I am wondering if the experts think that in circumstances like these it is self-weaning, even if it is classified as "early" and therefore "rare". And therefore, if she is ready to move on then she is not actually missing out on anything from a nutritional or emotional perspective. If I can think about it this way, I'll feel a lot better. (Yes, needing this reassurance is slightly neurotic, I know, but I suspect I'm also hormonal).

Thanks also to everyone who was so lovely on my other threads (here) (and here). Your support was amazing, and all of your tips were really helpful - even if she didn't recover from the strike, at least I feel like I tried everything I could.

I am not an expert at all, but just wanted to say you have done brilliantly and feel proud of what you have done

I'm a peer supporter, not a BFC so not an expert, but also wanted to say blimey, you've done so well. To keep expressing for 31 days is a feat of determination. She may well be one of the 'rare' ones. She may have found other interests, both food and activity, in that month that has prompted her loss of interest. No-one can tell you how to feel, but I really hope that you can stop yourself from feeling 'like a failed breastfeeding mum'. Cos you aren't. You've done amazingly.

Perhaps you could introduce another cuddly activity around the times you used to nurse? A snuggly book on the sofa? Get in the bath together? That contact can still be lovely for both of you, even though it might take you time to stop feeling like it's a poor substitute.

Thank you both. I'm sure if I were speaking to someone else I would also say 'well done'. It's just that when it's myself I can't help but focus on what didn't work and wonder what I could have done better / different.

Mij I like what you wrote. I'll think about our cuddles and contact as the evolution of nursing. i guess that is what happens eventually with every dc.

my 16 month old has weaned due to my pregnancy and I feel pretty much the same as you.
ie, totally gutted and like it's all my fault.

it is sad, and it's ok to feel sad about it. when you have a great breastfeeding relationship with your child it's just such a beautiful thing, and when it ends you're bound to feel sad, even though the little buggers don't give a toss themslves lol!