stopped breastfeeding 2 year old - and I'm the one missing it!

[Lusi]

My dd2 was 2 yesterday - always thought I'd stop when she was...
So for months I have been telling her that mummy's milk has nearly all gone...and changing the way I settled for her aftenoon nap with a story and cuddle...the idea being I would start doing this in the evening and she wouldn't miss mummy's milk.
I was only feeding her morning and evening -but she often got into our bed in the night and helped herself!
I think I thought it might be a battle so I started yesterday morning telling her the birthday fairies had now taken my milk...
no morning feed... at bedtime I changed to our afternoon nap routine and it worked and I put a t-shirt on in bed last night to make sure I woke up if she did try a night snack - and that worked too - I just told her the milk had gone and that was that...

She isn't bothered at all but I am...

I feel really sad - I think because I thought it would still be a gradual process and my plans have just worked too well...I'm
not ready for it...
She probably is my last baby and I guess that doesn't help...I glanced at her earlier and she looked just like a tiny baby again and I started crying....
I'm so tempted to start again - but I think it would be a really bad idea and then when would she stop? Obviously it would be for me rather than her...
Please tell me to deal with it and move on and that it would be a diaster to start again now!

I'm so sorry that you're finding it so tough, but it is understandable. BFing is such a special time and gives such a special bond with our DCs. However, that bond won't end just because the BFing does. She will still be your little girl and you will always be as important to each other. As you said yourself, she is growing up and it is time to stop. The fact that convincing her to stop has been so easy only goes to show that she is ready. You should be happy that she isn't making you feel guilty by fighting and making a big deal out of it. Continuing now would only serve to make you feel better temporarily, you would still have to go through it all again later and would confuse your DD in the process. Instead, try to focus on the positives; you will finally get your body back. You will be able to wear dresses etc without having to worry about access, your DC will be able to go to bed without a drink from you etc etc. It is the start of an exciting new phase for your DD, not the end of your time together.

hello
I am sorry you are feeling like this and I wonder, really, why you decided to stop when you weren't ready? it is much easier all round when it is gradual.
if she wanted to start again, then there is no reason why you couldn't - particularly if you stop putting obstacles in her way.

children do stop bf at the right time for them if you don't force the issue. my dd's both self-weaned at around 3. it was very very gradual but, yes, a bit sad for me all the same.

Thanks for your kind comments...
I guess it is just a bit of a shock - I really did think it would take longer -be more gradual - and that's the problem ...she used to giggle and get all excited when she knew it was evening feed time!
So I'll stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it...and maybe write a guide on how to stop breast feeding easily!

Of course you're missing it, Lusi! I had no luck ttc ds4 until I gave up bfing ds3 and went pretty much cold turkey and told him it was "all gone" one morning. He cried, I hugged him and went into the shower and sobbed my heart out! To come out to find him happily laughing and playing with his brothers, not 5 minutes later! I was kind of happy he was OK but I really felt guilty and did miss it terribly.

It's OK to feel this way. Feeding a toddler is such an incredibly intimate, bonding, activity, that it can feel very rough to stop reinforcing that bond that way. But you're not breaking the bond, just moving on to another level.

If she has accepted your decision so easily, then you know it was the right thing to do.

(I'm not looking forward to it, myself. Ds2 is 2y4m, and I remember how miserable I felt when dd self-weaned days before her 2nd birthday. But it will come, and I have to accept it. ... or at what we've given our dcs, and the fantastic experience we have had?)

I'm feeling quite bad about the whole breastfeeding thing too. I had my little girl through IVF and she's my little miracle. She?s two now and I?m still breastfeeding her. I never thought I'd have another baby but we're now trying IVF again. The thing is that I have to stop feeding her as I'll be starting on the drugs soon and won't be able to as the drugs will affect my breast milk. I feel so guilty as I never wanted to stop feeding her until she was ready. I'm feeding her in the morning and at night as well as a couple of feeds during the day. I've managed to cut out the day time feeds and she seems to be coping ok but am having problems with the night time and morning feeds. She's not taking it well at all and is crying and kicking when I tell her mummy hasn't got any milk left. I don't feel I can really talk to anyone about it as none of my friends breastfed their children and think feeding a child this long is disgusting. Can someone please advise. I'm at the end of my tether!

Aw, Lou!
I was just like you! I felt horrendous guilt! Now, I had been ttc dc4 for a year. It wasn't happening.
But think about this; if your dd grows up an only child, how will that affect her? I will wager, a lot more than if her breastfeeding is curtailed. My SIL is an only child and is determined to have lots of children as a result! She was bottlefed but to her that is irrelevant, she can't remember!
If it's any help, I gave up bf ds3 for purely selfish reasons. I had three fab boys but I wanted a girl.I was pg within 2 months of giving up ds3 with, wait for it, ds4!!!!
That'll teach me! But you know what, ds4 is the light of my life and the light of ds3's life! Ds3 loves ds4 to bits and at age 4 is a bit "meh!" about bfing.
Btw and this is not meant in a bad way, there is a very popular poster here called Lou33 so you might want to change your name to avoid confusion.
There is huge support here on MN for extended bfing. Without MN I bfed ds1 and ds2 for 12 months, with MN I had the courage to bf ds3 till he was 2.8 and all that time I felt I was in the right because of the lovely girls here!

Hi Lou35
I'm sorry that you're having a hard time stopping BF your DD.
It's great that you're ready to try for DC2 and after 2 years of BFing, you have no reason to feel guilty.
The morning and nighttime feeds are definitely the hardest to stop.
When I stopped with my DD I tried to make it easier for her by only stopping the BFing. She still got a drink, just cow's milk instead of mine. And she still drank it on my knee, getting a cuddle.It actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be and I'm sure that your DD will get used to it soon too. Good luck with it.

By the way, Lou, I didn't mean to imply that being an only child would be a dreadful thing but just that a sibling would be nice and is a very good reason for giving up bf.

Thank you so much ladies for your kind words. I actually spoke to someone at work today who is in the exact same position as me and she too is swaying about whether to stop the BFing and having another go at IVF. I'm now feeling more confident about the whole thing and know that I have to do it and soon but scared of how DD will react. When I stopped the day feeds she was pretty cranky and even now tries to pull my top up. Think when I stop the morning and night feeds this will hopefully sort itself out. I would love my DD not to be an only child so determined to push on and hopefully have another little one. Will keep you posted on how things go.

Just to add one more positive note; I have a good friend who had her first DC by IVF after years of trying and failing to conceive. She then conceived DC2 easily and naturally. Maybe you won't even need IVF this time...???

I have heard of that happening more than once RuthChan.

Look stop beating yourselves up about it, it is great that you have bf for this long, I only managed one week before my milk seemed to dry up and felt awfully guilty about it at the time but now i accepted that I did all a could at the time. 1-2 years is a good time to wean, then they are starting to eat proper food anyway so need milk less, even though it is still important, they could get that from cows milk and other dairy products.

It sounds as though in my opion that extended bf is done because the mother does not want to let go, it is more for her. If the child does not want to go back to the breast than they are telling you that they are ready and do not need it anymore so dont try and force it, go with what they want.

Please pigletmania - you concede that you are not particularly well informed about bf. Extended (sic) breastfeeding is feeding until it is biologically normal to stop i.e. when the child has had enough. This can be any age up to seven. Mothers who choose to feed for longer than the "average" WTF is that in the UK anyway - six weeks???!! do not do so for some form of selfish gratification they do it because there is not one piece of research anywhere which indicates that it does anything but benefit the child. A child who no longer wants to bf will not bf. end of. Having self weaned one child I know that's how it works. She had had enough so she stopped. I could no more force her to carry on feeding than I could stop the tide coming in.

OP I am sorry to hijack your post - I know that the hormone drop post weaning can be quite a shock and so some of your sadness might dissipate once your body has adjusted to the change.

There is a phrase in a LLL "How Weaning Happens" about the fact that child rearing is a series of "weanings" ending breastfeeding, on to solid food, into childcare, off to school, staying overnight without you. You wouldnd't be human if some part of you didn't feel a sense of nostalgia for that which is past.

i have just stopped feeding and felt i had to do it cold turkey as my dd wasn't getting the message and i hve been continually run down and ill for three months and didn't think bf was helping me get better( after really draining pregnancy)and she's two now and having a really balanced diet but wasn't eating and just holding out for bf.

i feel terrible and the guilty is bad, i've just taken the thing she loves the most way.
btw she's not bothered and has only asked for it twice since i stopped and is now sleeping through and eating she has visibly filled out in a week.
my husbands suffering coz i feel like sh*t i think your hormones must go a bit mental.
kat
good luck any one who going through this

I am not well informed about extended bf and personally do not agree with it, at school age no way! Breastmilk is is beneficial of course dont get me wrong, but why not express it in a cup or sippy cup and give it to the child, after all they are old enough to drink from one and should be drinking from one at that age anyway, I would not have them drinking from the bottle at that age anyway.