HV has recommended stopping BF 8mo at night. Is this good advice?

[AliandHerScallywag]

DS is 8 months old. His sleep is not good: waking 3-5 times a night. Other than that he is a delight . He was exclusively BF on demand for 6 months and is now on 3 BLW type meals a day plus BF on demand. He definitely has a very strong sucking to sleep association. I knew when he was younger that this was a risk, but as a very demanding baby, it was a case of doing whatever it took. It might also be worth mentioning that he is a big boy: at 8 months he is 24lb 3oz / 11kg which is above the 98th percentile. However he is now lower on the centile charts than he was before Christmas . As a result he has always been very, very hungry.

I mentioned his sleep to my HV today. Se told me that at 8 months babies do not need to be BF at night once they are on 3 meals. Is this true? I am sure that some of the celeb American paediatricians (Jay Gordon, Dr Sears) who advocate attachment parenting say that babies may need milk in the night up to 12 months. So I was surprised that she was insistent on this.

In order to stop night feeds she suggested offering him water, and getting DH to help at a weekend by going to him at night. She said this would be hard. I am sure she is right! Does anyone have words of wisdom on how to approach night weaning, if indeed this is the right course of actiuon.

Thank-you

I personally would not worry quite yet.

Make sure his teeth are brushed before bed.

DD was about 12-15 months I think before we managed to get her night weaned, and that was by sending DH to see her at night for a few days

How do you feel about his sleep? If it is getting you down and you feel that he needs to be night weaned then do it. If you are happy to wake 3-5 times a night right now then do it and ignore HV.

My DD3 is 7 months and still waking 2-3 times a night, a quick BF and back to sleep, I know it's probably more comfort than food but I'm fine with it. I didn't night wean DD2 until she was 12 months either. If he is a big boy maybe he still needs the calories right now.

With DD2 night weaning was quite easy once we started, first night DP sat with her and comforted her, 50 mins of crying, second night 10 mins, third night nothing. I think once she realised no boob she self settled.

Hi AandherS,
I had to try and get my DD nightweaned at 8 months too, as I was going back to work and thought that it would be nice to get her sleeping through. My HV also suggested getting DH to go in to settle the baby in the night, we didn't offer water but he just went in and stroked her back and sometimes gave her cuddles or sang for a bit.
I don't know if it's the case that they don't NEED milk at night - every baby is different - but I did find that sending DH in helped as she didn't have the milk association with him (and I could always step in if needed). It only took two or three nights of no night feeding till she was sleeping right through. She's quite a wee thing though, so I don't think she was actually hungry in the night, just wanting a cuddle . It might be harder if your DD is genuinely hungry in the night.
DD is still BF first thing in the morning and at night, btw. She likes to have a good feed before she goes to sleep and it seems to work...
Good luck.

Ideally you'd find an easy way to break the fed-to-sleep associations and then just be feeding your DS when he's actually hungry (and if that's at night, so be it!). However, it will be hard to break the associations and you have to decide if you want to or not. It's a personal choice and your DS will be fine either way.

If you do decide to break the associations you could try the reduced amount method - decrease the amount of time you will breastfeed for and try putting your DS down awake. It will be hard for a few nights but at least you'd know you weren't denying milk to your LO.

Or don't stress it and continue as normal - no harm in that if it's what you want!

i agree with sweetkitty.
How do YOU feel about it?

What worked for me was not offering a bf the first time my 2 woke up. I'd try to get them to go back to sleep by shush patting them (assuming their nappies were okay - would finger dip!). I'd also leave it a cople of minutes to go in. On the third occasion I would feed them.
Worked for my two. But ds1 was 11 months before he stopped bfs at night (weaned him at 4 months as was the advice then).

The one thing I have learned in my (few) years of parenting is that you do want you want, what works best for you and sod all the "advice"

DD1 I was stressing about her feeding to sleep and cosleeping, was told I was creating a rod for my own back etc and you know what she went into her own cot no problem at 15 months and we had 15 months of lovely cosleeping. DD2 was the same, night weaning wasn't that hard.

Now with DD3 I have realised the time goes so quick that I am enjoying BFing and cosleeping so much with her, there will come a day we will night wean her but I'm not stressing about it.

Many thanks for your kind and encouraging words.

Benny - he still has no teeth to worry about.

How do I feel about it?

Confused I suppose, but then I am sleep deprived. I am able to handle the poor sleep (just about), but feel that 2 night feeds are sustainable whereas 5 are getting me down. I feel frustrated with myself that we are in this situation. Other people seem to say "We just did cc, and bingo, problem sorted". I can't work out why I am so reluctant to take the same approach. Maybe I am being wet (I don't regard myself as a wet person). I also seriously doubt whether DH would be able to get DS to sleep. The other night when I had had enough, DH went in, and tried for an hour to settle him. DS was going to sleep in his arms but everytime he moved to being horizontal he started crying. Eventually DH brought him back to me in bed, he had a quick feed, and DS went back to sleep in minutes.

That's not very conclusive. I will continue to think about your posts and come back later.

Ali the thing with night feeds at this age is I think that you can stop them without damage to your child in terms of nutrition, but there is nothing wrong feeding for longer.

Ds bfed at night until about a month before we stopped bf at 11 months. He used to wake as often as yours, but fed every other wake up IYSWIM.

I went back to work and me and dh got so tired we started controlled crying at 3am one morning as we could not take anymore. In three days he went into his cot awake and a week later he was sleeping 8-8, massively upping his solids intake during the day.

I guess what I want to say is that you are doing nothing wrong by still nightfeeding, but that you can stop if you want to.

Madmouse your post makes alot of sense to me.

Overnight I have been thinking about this and came to the realisation that I have had enough of this. Feeding for hunger in the night is fine, but waking hourly is just more than I can handle.

Last night at about midnight I just felt that I couldn't stand having DS feeding to sleep then yelling when he went in his cot, so I went cold turkey on him, and just hugged him in my bed. He was so tired already that he was flitting between yelling and falling asleep. Then DH started singing to him, and after 5 repetitions he fell asleep. I fed him briefly at about 3ish, and then he slept till about 6 with the odd squwark and cuddle. So I think refusing to feed him all night long might well be the way I move forward from here.

It is going to be a bit tricky progressing this over the next few weekends as we are away at my parents, then PILS are here, then we will be away on holiday mid March, so I think I will need to bite the bullet and try to deal with this during the weeks.

Thanks everyone for your help.

Funny, my HV said the same thing, but gave no suggestions as to how to stop feeding at night. I've seen improvement in my DS - as you know, opposite problem to yours, smaller than average therefore needed to feed more frequently! - but only since the end of Jan/ beginning of Feb. I can only guess it had to do with me shovelling food in his gob feeding him lots. But November - beginning of January we were also on multiple wakings. And I can't bring myself to do CC, but we're working on dropping the night feed now by getting DH to try to settle him before I whip one out. And I am wet (or possibly tired) - I manage 15 minutes max before I say 'oh I'll feed him'.

This may not be helpful, but I'm there with you!

Ali - I did the same as you've just started doing. It only took 3 nights and we were sorted so try not to worry about the weekends you've got coming up.

IMO if the baby is waking at night for a feed, then they do need to be fed at night, otherwise they wouldn't wake, although I realsie it's not as balck and white as that in some cases.

Milk, however, is still their main source of nutrition until around one year old and night feeds are still important in maintaining a good milk supply. There seems to be very much an attitude in this country from HCPs that feeding beyond six months isn't "normal" and that the three meals a day should be the important bit, but food should be about new tastes and fun at this age.

what you could do though, if you want to try and cut down on the number of his night wakings, is try and get as much milk into him during the day as possible, as well as his BLW meals in the hope that it will help him go longer at night.

Re the CC, I don't think you are being wet. It suits some parents and babies, but definately not others and if you feel it isn't right for you or your baby, then you are probably doing the right thing. As a middle ground, can you try and break the feed to sleep association by putting him down when he is quiet and alert, and then shush patting him. If he gets used to falling asleep on his own, it might help him to settle himself again if he wakes in the night.

Good Luck . I've got a 15 week old who has been feeding four times a night for a while now and it's pretty hard work.

My DS is 11 months old and last night was the first night he didn't have a "sleep feed" at about midnight. He too is big - 98% centile and I reckon that he just needs the calories. He had an upset tum a few weeks ago and went back to during the night feeds for three nights just to get himself back on track I guess? Is your DS feeding because he's hungry or having a quick snack because he needs help getting back to sleep? If he's hungry I would feed him, if it's snacking time for your DP to step in.

I had similiar experience with DD1 and read Elizabeth Pantley's "No cry sleep solution" which made me feel it was ok to want to sleep but acknowledged some babies just need more milk. HVs will try to help you find a solution but you have to ask yourself whether it is the solution you want.

Oh and my ds is big too - 25lbs at 37 weeks!

Haven't read all thread but just so you know you're not alone, my dd is nearly 9 months and she is feeding about 5 times per night! I'm just going with the flow. No clock in the bedroom which really helps me not think about how much / little sleep I am getting!