Desperate to breastfeed next baby, due in 2 weeks! Advice/encouragement needed please!

[cherrysunday]

Hi just wanting encouragement really and also information so I feel more empowered this time round...

Background info; Ds1 never latched on, he was also given formula by midwife at the hospital . Tried everything. I'm worried that because my boobs were pretty big but my nipples were not that this is what the problem was iyswim?

Also there was this pressure almost straight away to get him feeding and to get my supply to come in - don't think this helped in the least....

One midwife said he was probably going unconscious whilst napping due to starvation!!!

Anyway I ended up expressing and feeding him breast milk exclusively for first 2 months. Cannot do that again!

TIA

Watching with interest......

Someone with better knowledge than I will probably be along shortly, but in the meantime I would say,

1. Trust your instincts about whose advice to take.
2. Believe in your own ability to breastfeed successfully - you can do it! (Size of nipples/boobs has little to do with it).
3. Do lots of reading and watching videos of how to get a good latch. Kellymom.com is very good. It took DD and I 6 weeks to master it, then DS was a walk in the park.
4. Get a bf counsellor to come out and sit with you while you feed if you're having problems.
5. Don't fall for HVs and their obesseion with growth charts.

Oh and he had no tongue tie (is that the name?)
we also went to a cranial osteopath and homeopath.

His mouth just never opened wide enough we saw bf counsellors - all said to keep trying and he'll get it but he never did.

Does anyone think some babies just don't/won't/can't breastfeed?

What an upsetting experience you had first time. You did well to express for that long when it sounds like you had no professional support in those early days.

My advice would be to find out if there are any breastfeeding counsellors in your area. If there, are ring them now and talk about your worries. If there is one you feel you 'click' with, take her telephone number into hospital with you so you can seek advice if you feel you need it and use her as a sounding board if you think anything you are told doesn't sound right.

Good luck with it all!

As Mr Obama would say - YES YOU CAN!

I had nightmares with ds1, he just wouldn't do it. We tried and tried and tried and I got more and more and more wound up and he got scrawnier and scrawnier. We eventually gave up completely at about 10 weeks. DS2 came along 14 months later, latched on and that was it. I fed him until he was about 22 months. It just felt completely different right from the start. So yes, I do think that some babies just get it better than others. Although that is not to say that babies who don't can't learn.

I would just say don't panic - all babies are different. And I would also say, don't worry at this stage about counsellors and websites and all that malarkey - just see how you and your baby get on together. There is so much going on in every respect (hormones, health visitors, midwives, rellies, siblings blahdy blah) when a new baby comes that any quiet time you can spend alone with your baby without giving yourself extra pressure is a good thing. Having a happy, healthy ff 14 month-old when ds2 was born meant that I went into it trying to think 'well, if it works it works, and if it doesn't so be it', and was much more relaxed about the whole thing 2nd time round.

And I now have two strapping toddlers; the ff one is hardly ever ill and the bf one has constant colds (though I tell myself he's going to grow out of that any minute now ). The whole ds1 feeding debacle (see my nickname) is just a distant memory.

i only managed to feed DS1 for 5 days so was determined with DS2. he is 25weeks old tomorrow and is a total boob monster.

as much help as everyone on MN is, get a good MW to help you find a position that suits you and your baby and teach both of you how to latch on. the best thing i was told is that both of you need to learn how to do it. natural as it may be, it still needs to be learned.

I would get the details of BF counsellors and speak to them asap. have you spoken to your MW about it? its easy for people to say "keep trying" but you need someone with you showing you how its done. a fab MW visited me 3 times in one day to check how the feeding was going. to start with DS2 fed best lying down next to me (still prefers it tbh).

good luck

Thank you all so much for your advice and support so quickly!

It's a really good idea trying to see a bf counselor now although - trying not to be negative... I apparently saw 'the best one in town' and she couldn't seem to help us.

Anyway I do know (I'm praying this baby could be a pro!) that all babies are different!

Bizarrely I haven't actually spoken to midwife about it seeing her on Wednesday so will bring it up then.

I don't know how others feel but I think there is such a difference in choosing to stop bf rather than never being able to, does that make sense. I know it's silly but deep down I felt rejected by ds1 and I still feel like I failed.

Anymore advice very welcome

I have large norks and small nipples and when i was expressing in the early days (ds was in scbu) I said to lovely bfc 'I think my nipples will be too small to bfeed'. She said 'no my dear, your breast are nice and soft and your nipples easy to latch on to. Your baby will love them' . ds seemed to agree and we bf for 11 months, everywhere and anywhere.

try to get skin to skin with as little clothes as possible as soon as possible. And keep those mws with bottles away!

Thank you madmouse! Sounds like you had a brilliant midwife! So positive!

I may as well also add that I'm concerned my nipples are also a little flat - I have nipple envy!

cherrysunday - i had a partially inverted nipple which caused probs with DS2 latching on hence so many visits from the MW. they helped me use nipple shields until DS2's latch was good. i wouldnt try them on your own as they can cause probs in themselves but my MW had so much time for me and really helped me.

i also fed DS2 in the bath when he was tiny. he loved the skin to skin contact and the warm water and it really helped when my milk came in

I'm not due until August, but desperate to bf after 'failing' with DD and not even trying with DS. My issue is slightly different as I have had a breast reduction. There is a BF cafe round the corner from me on a Friday, so that will be great- shall I ask the midwife at my next appointment for some counsellors numbers?

The information that I am armed with now, thanks to MN is amazing, shame I didn't have the net when DD was born 7 years ago.

There is a little gadget you can buy now made by Lansinoh which is supposed to pull flat or inverted nipples out and make them easier for the baby to latch on to. I don't know whether it works - I just saw an advert for it in a magazine - but it might help. Found it.

There shouldn't be pressure to get him feeding straight away - hopefully since this is your second, the midwives might be a bit less forceful. It would be helpful if you could ask for help only if you need it. He will probably want to feed straight after the birth but not all babies do, especially if the labour was long or had interventions. Remember if you have any pain relief stronger than gas and air the baby might need a bit more encouragement to feed (not saying don't take the pain relief - just saying be aware afterwards!) If the labour was long though he might just want to sleep - my labour was drawn out over 3 days and DS was awake and kicking the whole way through! So he slept when he was first born and it was only about 8 hours later I panicked and realised he hadn't been fed yet - but he was fine and latched on straight away. Have a sleep first and worry about him feeding later. As long as he feeds in the first 12 hours it should be fine - you are supposed to offer the breast within the first 4 I think.

breast feeding is both the hardest and the most rewarding thing I have ever done. You sound well prepared -get a list of numbers of people who have fed exclusively and call them as often as you want. I am sure they won't mind, so many bfers feel as passionate as I do. I have done this for many friends and have also needed others friends support myself. Professionals can be great too but midwives etc visit too seldom. Remember it doesn't come easy to most women and can be hard hard work but it IS worth it. To me it is worth it 100% even aside form all the health benefits just for the feeling that I can give such comfort and pleasure to my baby. Its so much about more than food. But don't expect top be able to do it alone

Thanks very much everyone!

I've got an antenatal appointment today at the midwife led birth center (where I'm planning to give birth) so I will definitely let them know today I had problems last time.

I've got some numbers for bf counselors and have found the number for a private counselor if need be so I do already feel so much more empowered and NO ONE is coming near my baby with a cup or bottle of formula this time!

Thanks cherrychoc that might be helpful. I don't think they were about last time.

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