extended bfers - how can I encourage my toddler to wean?

[theyoungvisiter]

I'd really like advice from anyone who's "helped" an older toddler to wean. DS1 will be 3 this spring and I'm tandem-feeding him and his younger brother, but all the time vaguely hoping he will self-wean.

He doesn't show any signs of letting up, he still feeds 2 or 3 times daily every single day (as long as I'm around) although he is happy to go without when I am not around.

Anyway I'm starting to think I would like to encourage him a bit, with a view to perhaps weaning him when he turns 3.

Has anyone got any advice/experience of this? Did you talk to your toddler or introduce the idea? I think he is old enough to understand but he's quite resistant to change (we had to bribe him to even try the potty!) so I think a long, gentle process would be less painful.

I think the general advice is don't offer don't refuse, but then I'm not sure if that's already what you are doing?

Ds1 weaned at around 2-2.5 when I was pregnant with DS2 so have not had think about this.

Well I just weaned ds (22mo) a week ago and it went really well and no tears or tantrums that i feared. I was not demand feeding though for some time before. I slowly cut him down to just morning, evening and bedtime and then cut out morning. That was the hardest one, he was a bit tearful for a couple of days but as I was still feeding him twice in the evening I stuck to it and he was fine. A fair while later i cut out the 5pm ish one which was easy enough as I just distracted him with games, dvd´s, bath, dinner so we just got through a few days like that and he didn´t really realise.

Then the bedtime feed I cut down to only 5 mins and gave him a cup of warm milk afterwards. I did that for about a week. Then one night he asked for it as usual but I just said ´oh you want your milk?´ and bustled him off to get his cup, warm it etc etc all with lots of cheery distracting chit chat and gave him his cup all cuddled up in the chair ready for bed. Then a big cuddle and to bed. And that was it! Really surprised me and still wondering if they´ll be some delayed reaction to come. He still asks for ´teta´ at bedtime but accepts the cup of milk substitute almost as if that´s what he means now.

Funnily enough he used to point at my boobs and say ´teta´ and when i would say ´yes those are mummies, where are yours?´ he would point to mine and say ´ds´ but now if I ask him he points to his own

Good luck, hope you get someone along soon with advice for an older child.

I was doing "don't offer" during my pregnancy and he was slightly cutting down and would occasionally fall asleep with DH without demanding a feed, but after DS2 was born he went back to demanding it morning and evening very determindedly! Lunchtime naps are a bit more negotiable.

I thought that perhaps it was just an attention thing, staking his claim out with the new baby iykwim, but it doesn't seem to be diminishing so far (DS2 is 11 weeks).

I am torn between going with it, possibly for the very long haul, or accepting the tears and just cutting out the feeds one by one (a bit like you Maveta) but since he is old enough to be bribed/reasoned with, I wondered if it was worth trying to pave the way and help get him psychologically ready to give up.

thank you for answering btw! Sorry should have said that before...

Well I have had success with the hard-hearted method of telling them we are going to stop in a week, reminding them frequently, then stopping. Dd was 2.9, ds was 2.10. Especially with ds, who was very vocal about how much he loved his mummy milk, I expected it to be very difficult, but it turned out not to be. With dd I continued to feed ds but she only asked once or twice once I'd stopped feeding her.

This isn't necessarily the right way for you if you believe in self-weaning, but I hope it's reassuring that stopping may be less traumatic than you fear.

alarka, can I ask how old your DS was when you stopped feeding your DD?

I am starting to think that hard-hearted may be the only method but am wondering how long to leave it after DS2's birth- I don't want and DS1 to resent DS2, as I will obviously continue to feed the baby.

any more tips? [hopeful emoticon]

Sorry for the long wait. Ds was about 9 months when I stopped feeding dd, so she was used to him being around by then. I don't think it affected their relationship at all.

How old is your baby?

only 11 weeks - so still relatively new and DS(1) is still setting out his territory a bit I think.