Can't take it anymore! I want to quit, but how?

[SofaQueen]

DS2 is 1 year now, and has been exclusively breast-fed on demand. I have wanted to quit for 6 months now, but due to ease (I have an older son and being time constrained, BF was just easier than the faff of bottles), and the fact that DS2 rejected bottles of formula (but not expressed milk!) consistently during this period of attempting to quit.

Couple problems:

1. DS2 hates formula, and now that he's 1, I guess I can switch him to normal milk. However, his eating is erratic, and I'd rather give him a growing-up formula to ensure that he is getting enough nutrients.

1. DS2 will take a bottle if it has water or expressed milk, and will reject it if it has formula.

1. DS2 comfort feeds. I have attempted to try a dummy since birth, and he refuses to use them. Also doesn't suck his thumb.

1. DS2 is in the middle of a tummy bug, and I feel cruel trying to deprive him of boobie at this time. I've increased day feeding because he seems to need it, but I feel like I'm taking so many steps backwards.

1. DS2 is very clingy (polar opposite to my independant, confident DS1!), and I feel like continuing to BF him is good because it is the one thing which soothes him.

I don't like BFing, and would like to have some breathing space. I cannot leave DS2 with a sitter or a creche because he gets distressed if I leave the room (even if his father is there!). What can I do? I'm seriously at breaking point.

Sofa - maybe reaching a compromise will help you cope with your mixed feelings?

Some compromise suggestions:

stopping now* is not the greatest time, if he is poorly. He needs the milk and the comfort. A compromise would be to re-visit stopping in a week or so

• making the whole thing more controllable by you, so you get some breathing space - so deciding on teaching use of a cup and offering this first at certain feeds during the day be consistent)
• building up his confidence in other people by taking things gently - leaving him with dad for increasing periods of time
• deciding how much bf is acceptable and sticking to it, without upsetting him eg distracting him with something else when you can

Babies who get their needs met are actually less clingy and whiny as time goes on, because their 'world view' is more confident and they can wait a little while for comfort, knowing they have not been abandoned.

Oh tiktok, I hope you are right! I'm not new to this motherhood thing...I do have one child. But, he was so easy! I had him on a schedule and he was like clockwork on it, and didn't really have time with DS2. He was self-confident, bubbly, and never cried. I sometimes blame myself that I caused this because I wasn't more rigid and structured from the start. I kept on with the BF much longer than with DS1 because I felt he needed it, and it was more important than my dislike of BFing. Now, in my frustration, I feel I was the stupid one, and that perhaps DS2 would have been better off if I hadn't been so "soft".

I will try again next week by cutting down the day feeds to one morning and one afternoon and will try and be strict. Maybe more daytime activities to distract Ds2. Well, I'll try...

No, not 'strict', just consistent when you can be, and flexible when you have to be.

You were not soft - babies do not need rigidity and structure. Some are fine with it, of course, but others are not. It's not a 'blueprint' for a contented baby