Do you ever feel like the only bugger BF where you live?

[MamaG]

5 friends have babies as well as me (varying from 6 weeks to 1 year old).

I'm the only one who BF, none of them did at all - I sometimes feel like a bit of a sideshow and feel almost embarrassed when we are all out somewhere and I whip a boob out. No, thats wrong, I don't feel embarrassed, I don't know the right word really.

They are all supportive I guess, but the comments tend to be "Oh well done, you're doing really well still BF, I hated the thought of it" which seems a bit of a double edged compliment!

I dunno. Am waffling. We are v rural and I've only ever once seen someone else BF in the 5 years we've lived here.

Yup. Totally feel the same- at all my baby groups/classes I do feel a bit weird being the only one. Embarassed isn't the right word I agree, but it's the closest I can think of too. I go to a bf group but it's pretty quiet- quite often I am the only one there!

Like you I live quite rurally. I was in the city yesterday shopping and saw another baby in a sling and got ridiculously excited!

Do you find yourself saying things like "yeah well, I'm oto lazy to get up in the night and warm a bottle" ? Or is that just me? That is NOT why I chose to BF!!

lol at you being the only one at bf group, bless you!

Yes. Even the H/V said I was the only one b/fing (at 4 months!) at the surgery (major urban area). And when they did a course on b/fing where they had to observe someone, they all came around here!

lol at ilovemydogandMrObama you are like a bf celebrity!

MamaG I found myself agreeing with the HV after one baby class that 'yes, oooh I must try DS with a bottle (he's 13 weeks too) as he may never take it otherwise' then afterwards thinking, 'eh?! What did I agree with that for when I have no need to use bottles and I loathe expressing?!'

But I did stand up for myself when she asked how the feeding was going and how did I find getting up a lot at night, and I could say that actually DS sleeps from 12-7 (at the moment, I know this will prob change!)

Opposite,

evenone I know breastfeeds and i feel like an idiot getting a bottle out!

What disenchanted said. I couldn't breastfeed and am the only one I know who bottle feeds. Makes me feel like a crap mummy.

Why is this? Is it to do with social environment of what?

I live in a big town yet only know 1 other breastfeeder, - my LO is almost a year old, so a couple of my friends breastfed for the first 6 months. The problem with breastfeeding approaching toddlerhood is that even the breastfeeding friends don't really support you continuing. The WHO says 2 years yet in the UK the general conconsensus seems to be 6 months at best often. 6 months is great, I'm not knocking it, - but like you say, - wouldn't it be nice to know other mums breastfeeding.

umzy - yes I now feel like a freak for BF my 13 month old. Whenever it comes up in conversations I always say things like, 'Well I haven't quite stopped BF yet but I will soon' and then am really annoyed with myself for being so apologetic. I found that lovely smiles at 2 months became averted eyes after 6 months when BF in public. Now I would never BF DS in public which is ridiculous (both of me and other people's attitudes)

BlameIt I know, it's daft really- it shouldn't matter and we shouldn't feel funny. I suppose because everything mummy-related feels weird to me (first time I pushed the pram I sort of felt I was on stage playing the part of a mum! idiot!) if no one else is doing it around me I feel even more self-conscious! You feel like a crap mummy and I feel like a pretentious hippy mummy...!

Umzy this is not helped by the fact that some bf support groups have an age limit and once the baby is 12 months that's you out the door! (Not at my group but there is a discussion on the 'extended' thread about this)

BlameIt - don't let anybody make you feel crap for getting a bottle out. Its nobody's business but yours!

Disenchanted - I hope you're ok, I know how hard you have been working.

Thanks MamacitaGordita, I'll check out that 'extended' thread.

Skidaddle, I know how you feel, it's easier to play it down, I going to avoid the subject with my sister and mum (live in a different country so I can play it down easily) who think I should stop now, I should be more of a campaigner but I don't want the fight, but I'll continue feeding til my LO is ready to stop.

I've been expressing day feeds for a while, breastfeeding should not be frowned upon for toddlers but unfortunately too many people are ridiculously prudish about it, it is definitely easier not to have uncomfortable looks from people and any confrontations, - and the law (I don't know if it's officially passed as a law, or in the process of being passed) is that it's only defended by law up to 6 months! That's crazy! It saddens me, - and it leaves us all needing eachother more for support.

I'm expressing now, having a 'sad' afternoon as am feeling a bit out of it with my other mum friends due to the bf issue & other more touchy-feeling things like co-sleeping etc, - this chat has cheered me up now end. Thanks.

Yes, I feel like a pioneer breastfeeding here. All the other mums I know ff and I've never seen anyone else use a sling here, not even once. I think I'm seen as something of a hippy (not helped by the fact that other mums seem to be beautifully made up, even just to pop out to the supermarket, whereas I wave a comb in the general direction of my hair and then out the door). Now I think about it, I have never seen another woman breastfeed. Suddenly I feel lonely!

I think people on both sides of the feeding fence feel insecure because there can be a lot of implicit criticism as soon as a nipple or a bottle are whipped out at feeding time.

I always thought breastfeeders felt superior.

Ah, Swedes, round here that's called 'thinking you're summat when you're nowt'.
I think people think I'm a nutjob when they hear I'm still feeding my 9 month old.
Surely the Birkenstocks are a dead giveaway?

lol swedes - I think all guilty feeling FFers should be pointed to this thread to see that no, we DON'T feel superior

My HV told me that out of the 300 women that gave birth in our local area last year, only 30 were still BFing at 3months i enjoy it but only know a couple of fellow BFers (and one of those wont feed in public)

fledtoscotland- that's where I am too

I'm with you OP. And a few of my friends have expressed distatse that I still am, not to mention the horror of my in-laws that I ever breastfed let alone continue to bf at 9 months. "But do you think he is getting enough fluid", "I neve see you bf so he might be dehydrated". Um that's because you and your family have made me embarassed so I am quite private. In reality, I feel like he is never off my tits. I am sick of making excuses and justifying myself. Really really really fed up of it. And annoyed that I allow myself to doubt my decisions.

And I have sympathy for ff mums, been there too. Why can't everyone leave us the fuck alone to do it our way. I never criticise other mums' ways but maybe I should just join in and criticise away. Except I don't care so long as its not abusive.

i've become someone i would have looked sideways at a couple of year ago - wanted to bf but thought anyone who did it past 6m was mad and once they could ask for it - eeerrrgh
las sunday i bf my 18m old dd to sleep in church...

I was just having a similar conversation yesterday, about beginning to feel like a bit of an oddity even amoungst breast feeders as my DS approaches his first birthday and I continue to feed him. The few mums I know who bf all stopped sooner. And I do feel more awkward about it myself, though I wish I didn't.

For the record I'm in Scotland too. Maybe we all need to come out in the open a bit more

Whilst I do know a mn who bfs dts I see her only rarely, so on a month to month basis I am frequently the only one I come across, esp as ds3 is now 10mths and any people I do come across have given up by now. I also live in rural area. I did go to a baby group but I was the only bf mother there in a packed room.

I'm getting to the point now where I feel a bit uncomfortable at feeding the baby while out and about so thankfully he's finally taken to food.

Yes I also feel an odd one out, but DS2 is 20 months.
That said the other women I know who breastfed all gave up after about 6 months at the most.
Lots of people I know who did breastfeed would only do so hidden away, which is really depressing, we'll never get used to breastfeedfing as the norm in this country until we see more women out and about breastfeeding their babies (and not just newborns)...

Ladies, Thankyou from the bottom of my drop down bra cups LOL!!! I have actually been avoiding feeding my son at playgroup because he is 12 months old and I am 3 mnths pregnant and everyone there knows i'm pregnant. I have had funny looks there b4 from other mums when feeding him and been made to feel really uncomfortable ( i normally feed anywhere). It has just occurred to me that if I have never judged them then why should they judge me and actually, maybe both sides the bf's and the ff's being a bit overly stressed about what other people think.

And actually maybe thats what needs to be broken down too we are not in competition here there shouldn't be sides, we all need support from each other.

Next week I will feed my son at playgroup if I want to. Who knows there may be another bf'ing mum there feeling alone - I do...

I think you should feed out and about as much as possible. You never know, you might just influence someone else that it's normal to breastfeed and to give it a go or to keep going. Half the problem in this country is that bottle feeding is considered the norm, despite all the posters and ante-natal talks.

Oh I do - BabyG does NOT wait for a feed - if he's hungry, he lets me know

I gave DH a sharp elbow inteh ribs at the school play when he whispered "don't feed the baby in here" - it was a dark hall ffs and nobody could see anyway! He hasn't mentioned my feeding in public again...!

Agree, FF and BFers should NOT get at each other, I've been on both sides of the fence too after HV convinced me my crap milk was the cause of DS1 not putting on weight - he was put on premature baby formula and STILL didn't put on weight! We bloody should all support each other as mothers, not as individual feeders