Moving from BF on demand to getting more regular - advice/help pls :)

[MrsHD]

Hello,

I have a 5 1/2 week old absolutely enormous BF baby boy. He's nearly a stone already. I've BF on demand from the beginning which has been incredibly trying and exhausting at times as it's not unusual for him to feed once an hour during the day or even more often. I must admit to not being a romantic about BF - I do it because I know it's best for him and it's less hassle than FF.

Thing is, it's starting to get ridiculous as I feel I can't go to the loo without leaving EBM. Okay so a bit of an exaggeration, but not much. I wanted a bath this morning, having fed DS on and off over the last hour, and I seriously felt I should express some milk in case he needed feeding while I had my Saturday morning big treat long soak in the bath. DH told me in the kindest possible way that it was my perception rather than the reality and would I please just go and get in the bath?!

Long and short of it was that when I came back down an hour and a half later (hadn't been in the bath all that time!), DS was asleep on DH and I was incredulous that they hadn't needed to crack open the emergency carton of Aptamil we keep in the pantry. He then slept for another half an hour, so he went two hours in the daytime without a feed, having not been fed for 40 minutes prior to falling asleep - that really is unheard of.

Anyway it made me realise he plainly can go for longer between feeds than I realise, and perhaps if he did go for longer he'd take more at each feed and we'd get into a virtuous circle which - dare I hope - might extend into night times. I feed him in the early hours, in the dead of night and in the early morning, so roughly 1am, 4am, 6am. Night feeds aren't the issue though. What I'm taking ages to get round to asking is: how do you start to move an on-demand BF baby onto a more regular feeding routine, what sort of gaps should I leave, and how do I know I'm not starving him?? I don't plan to BF on demand for ever, and if it carries on like this I can see myself sliding gradually to FF and early weaning. I think getting him onto a more regular feeding cycle is the lesser of three evils.

Any help gratefully received. Should add DS is not a very content baby, quite grizzly generally!

IME, he will let you know when he is ready for longer times between feeds. He is not 6 weeks old yet so still tiiiny , probably a bit young to get on anykind of schedule.
Mine became more regular and predicable as they became more alert and interested in the world around them, probably @ 3 months old. Remember feeding him on demand just now builds you supply and as he becomes more regular so will your supply. Feeding him less often might feel like he is getting more but your supply is likely to decrease. Also, remember there is more to BF than the milk: he will love to be held close and warm; that may be why he settled for that length of time with his father.
Nothing wrong with a long soak; get your DH to take him if you need to do something without limpet attatched to you .
My DS1 was unputdownable (I have literally sat on loo with boob in his mouth ) and even he calmed down after a while.
Oh, and sleeping, IME absolutely NOTHING to do with what/how much/when they feed. Mine all went longer in the night when they were ready: DS1 at 5 months, DS2 8 weeks, and DS3 still not reliable aged 10 1/2 months .
Get daddy involved, male bonding is sooo important for sons !

Sorry, I forgot to say: as he gets older, follow his lead: play with him a bit longer or walk around the house with him on your arm, talking about what you see and gradually he will go 2 hrs, 3 hrs and even 4 hrs between feed which was the kind of time I found made it feasible for me to leave him with somebody else.
I apologise for rambling; it is perfectly clear to me what I mean, hope I am getting it across.

I think that if you really want to at about 6 weeks you can start waking him up at the same time everyday and then just putting him down for naps every hour and a half/two hours (or putting him in the buggy or the car seat or the sling or whatever it is he likes to nap in best) - if he naps more predictably in the day you'll find he's having more of a gap between feeds.

With my ds I didnt realise that I was actually feeding him when he was tired and not hungry - which has the required effect, they fall asleep within a minute of latching on but I was able to get some time back once I caught on.

Are things going better than before - it sounds like it

I have memories of a horrendous 6 week growth spurt (currently sleep deprived due to 4 month growth spurt, so I may be wrong), but I remember by then that DS was capable of having a good 30-40 mins after one feed and before the next. This meant he was feeding roughly 2 hourly (his feeds always lasted at least an hour at this age).

I was going completely insane on demand feeding, so began, with the help of DP, to reduce the frequency of feeds ever so slightly.

Basically I would feed him for ages, about an hour, and then DP would take him and attempt to either get him to sleep, or even just lying in his arms/in the cot.
Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. If he cried and didn't drop off to sleep within a few minutes (in DP's arms, never left), I would feed him again. He was never ever left to cry, but if he had fed recently we would attempt to rock him to sleep before offering a feed. Initially it only worked occasionally, then more and more, until within a week or so he was feeding, having a tiny amount of awake time, and then sleeping. Often he would only have a very short nap before demanding another feed, but it did mean I got a break!

Many will tell you it is wrong to impose a routine on such a young baby, but I decided:
a) he was never being left to cry, so he couldn't be that traumatised by it
b) it was either try to impose some routine, or move onto formula for some feeds, and I preferred to give routine a try first

I may have been lucky on the supply front, but I never found that DS suffered, and he was fairly firmly in a 2 hourly routine by 6 weeks, and 3 hourly by 12 weeks. At 20 weeks he is almost entirely reliable in his routine, only disrupted by evil growth spurts.

Hopefully it sounds like we're coming from the same place (man). DH is right behind me too. We've tried exactly what you describe, if he'll go to sleep without yet more feeding then great, if not he can have a feed. I too could never leave him to scream if I suspected for a moment he could be hungry, though there are times when he just has to scream if all else is well and I need the loo or something equally crucial!

He's asleep now, it's been a very sleepy couple of days for him.

Glad someone else has the same ideas as me!

In theory I would have continued BF on demand indefinitely, but in reality there was no way I could do it - I just was not as good as many others at coping with sleep deprivation/not knowing what to expect etc.

Not in a position to offer advice as wowfully rubbish at BF but i did come across a good book called 'what to expect when your breast feeding and what happens if you can't' it by claire someone, got it in tesco, will try to search it out for full title.

Anyhow it has a big chapter all about moving more towards a routine.

Here is link for book www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_w_h__4_20?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=what+to+expect+w hen+you%27re+breastfeeding&sprefix=what+to+expect+when+

Hope that works!