Can anyone convince me to give breastfeeding a go with number two?

[Rosieeo]

I breastfed by dd (who is now 3) for a grand total of about 3 weeks. It was hellish; agonisingly painful, regardless of position or latch and when dd was a little sick, it was always pink with blood. I felt that I was feeding constantly, she was rarely off for more than 30 minutes and it didn't stop regardless of whether it was day or night. I was tied to the house, as I felt so uncomfortable and unwieldy that I couldn't feed dd anywhere else.

Eventually when dd was two weeks old, I burst out crying in front of my mw who was also the specialist bf mw for our area. Her response to my 'complaints' (her words, not mine) were that 'that was what on demand feeding was - what did I expect?' As soon as I heard that I basically decided to pack it in. We mix fed for a week or so and then stopped. Once I did, dd got into a great routine and everything was fine.

My problem is, I'm very aware of the benefits of bf (which is why I wanted to in the first place) BUT I have NO positive memories of bf at all, just pain, misery and feeling like an utter failure. I don't buy anyone of the bonding stuff, there were no problems in that area with dd. I will also have to go back to work when lo is 3 months old and all of these factors are putting me off trying again.

I have spoken to my (new) mw, who advised that I went to a workshop run by the mw I mentioned above. No, I don't think so!

Am I a lost cause? I feel like I am. Anyone have any advice?

Thanks if you got to the end of my long whinge!

My advice: Avoid that midwife like the plague

The only thing I can really say is that demand feeding is not usually like that - and it may not be for you with another baby. You can't know unless you try. Could you think about maybe trying in hospital for the first feed, and then if it doesn't work out, expressing so LO at least gets the colostrum?

Also, in most cases breastfeeding is more difficult than bottlefeeding - for the first 6 weeks or so. After that it is much easier and less hassle than bottlefeeding. It does sound like you had an unusually difficult 3 weeks though - it must have been awful - so well done for keeping going as long as you did.

I found it really useful to go to a breastfeeding workshop run by the NCT (ours was included in classes - but they might run them separately in your area) - the only thing being it wasn't free and if you're not convinced you want to try again anyway you might not want to spend the money. If there is a breastfeeding drop in locally to you though you might be able to go and have a chat in person with somebody. - That is if you want an alternative to the workshop run by the horrible mw!

Contact www.laleche.org.uk/ They really know their stuff, have advice for breastfeeding working mothers and have people on the phone who will talk to you for as long as you need.

I bf my kids and now am so glad I did as they grow up and I continue to find out more and more about the health benefits of breastmilk. The first few weeks are VERY intense (it sounds like you've experienced that) but if you can hang on in there it does ease up and in the longer term is much less hassle than bottles - no sterilising, no washing up and no warming up milk at 2am. If you did it for 3 weeks, it sounds like you went through all of the pain and never got to the benefits.

I have a friend who had an unbelievably hard time with her first despite a huge barrage of determination and advice. She expresed for six months which I think is extrordinary (and I don't think I could have done). Anyway, she was obviously worried sick about feeding her second and not prepared to go through the same thing twice. Luckily she didn't have to. Second time round it all went like clockwork, no problems at all.

Good luck.

I really struggled bf dd1 - sore cracked nipples, toe curling feeds, mastitis. I hated giving up, but she lost weight as she wasn't feeding properly and had to give her bottles at about 10 weeks.

Second time has been completely different and so much better. Yes, the first few weeks are always tricky, but this time I got as much info about good latching on as I could find. If you can avoid nipples getting sore in the first place it makes a huge difference. I started to get a bit sore and the midwife recommended Lansinoh and it worked for me. I went to the local bf group, where they had a dvd from Australia (sorry can't remember the title) and it showed how to latch on and good positions. DD2 is now 8 months and still feeding well.

To sum up though - DD1 was my first experiment in bf and I learnt what I wanted to avoid second time round. I wish I knew then what I do now.

Good luck

I think I would go into it with a more relaxed attitude and think "I will give it a go" and if it proves too much know that you can either mix feed or formula feed. I will probably get flamed for saying it though!

I'd also recommend going to a breastfeeding support group before the LO is born. That way you can get the support of (hopefully) friendlier people and breastfeeding counsellors who are invaluable in the first few weeks of breastfeeding.

Also, read read and do more reading - La Leche publications are good and give great advice for when there are difficulties. I found that the more I knew before I had DD, the easier it was to find a solution after she was born with the knowledge that I'd already gained during pregnancy.

Perhaps also consider expressing with heavy duty pump as a back-up option? Or (though could potentially create problems too) think about nipple shields if pain becomes too much?

Sorry if this has already been said didn't read everything . got to go
but I fed dd1 for 13 days half of those were hell,
ds I tried with him, 6 months of heaven, he was brilliant, then I couldn't get him on to bottles
dd2 fed her for 12 weeks, suffered for 2 weeks at start, so I would try and see how it goes if I have a number 4 I would bf again but this time I would def go to a good support group

If I were you, I'd do as other people say and contact support services well before tha baby is born. If you can get to an NCT breastfeeding class (I went to one before my baby was born) they can give you really invaluable advice on positioning etc to help you get the latch right straight from the start.

'that was what on demand feeding was - what did I expect?'

Sorry, this is rubbish and what a vile woman. I had no pain, no bleeding and no problems (because of excellent support before the birth, not because I am some kind of superwoman).

Lay in industrial quantities of Lansinoh and put it on after every single feed. Get someone to come round and entertain your DD for a few hours when you can so you can feed feed feed as much as possible. Eat and drink lots as it can make you feel tired when you're feeding all the time. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't matter what. It can be family sized packets of crisps if you think you can keep your DD off them!

Hi, My situation was like dizzywombats - 1st time a nightmare and gave up after 5 weeks of agony. Second time right was still difficult but knew what to avoid and to make sure latched on properly - I knew if it was painful it was wrong and not to keep going but to get advice from midwives. Third time round baby was useless sucker (!) and so feeding was not sore but baby was not gaining weight but persevered and eventually he was able to feed after expressing for 6 weeks. I would say it is definitely worth trying again but being aware of possible pitfalls and how to avoid them.

I respect you for considering bf again after that experience

So you know bf is much better for your baby than formula. Good. Now try not to get too hung up on it. You can give it a damn good shot and you will in all likelihood succeed but there is no need to feel guilty in case it does not work out.

I bf my ds for 11 months but I doubt I would have got to 11 days with the kind of 'help' and 'support' you received.

I would also recommend that you do give it a try, maybe start bf exclusively and mix feed from about 6 weeks ready for return to work (I do not envy you returning that soon!). Your baby will get so much goodness.

Bless you, whatever you decide to do.

I had two weeks of agony with dd1, bf was horrendous. Her latch was good, she fed well but it was so painful for me, bleeding nipples, sobbing and all the rest of it. It did improve after two weeks.

I was nervous about bf dd2, I had a list of phone numbers at the ready. And I didn't have any real problems with her at all.

So it is most definitely worth a shot. Have the phone numbers ready and the bottles too and whatever happens, don;t feel bad about it.

And both times I introduced a bottle at 5/6 weeks which went very smoothly indeed.

I have 2 babies ( I breast fe(e)d both). Don't underestimate the powers of breastmilk. When my second baby was 6 weeks old he had viral meningitis (no doubt caught off some snuffle that my 2 yr old brought home). Because it was a virus and not an infection antibiotics wouldn't work, so it was pretty much up to his diet to boost his immune system and fight the virus (scary stuff). I went into autopilot and ordered my husband to buy tonnes of fruit and anything high in antioxidants to boost my milk. My little baby was sent home from hospital after 5 days, another bottle fed baby on the same ward with the same symptoms was in there for another week (it was her 2nd week when we were there). Breast milk is super stuff and you don't have to get out of bed to make it! Also a friend of mine uses nipple shields and they've helped her a lot. Finally remember that although your first experience was bad, you do have a lot of other experience to draw on. All the things that strike panic into your heart the first time are second nature so this will be the only new thing you have to learn and it is well worth it. Good luck, you'll be fine!

Hi,

I'm due in 2 weeks and am having panic attacks about breast feeding too as my first experience was as bad as yours.. I have read all the advice here and I think what sticks out for me the most is to relax.

Also i don't know about you but the first time I was surrounded by 'well intentioned' parents, mw and so on.. This time, I have actually made a sign for my door that says No ENTRY - FEEDING' with the exceptional of my little 6 year old daughter of course..

I think a calm environment for baby and me to bond and latch and for the milk to come down is what I need.

If it still doesn't work out, then I have my bottles and formula ready!

Good luck to you! x

I'd give it a go. I had a hard time with no. 1 who fed contantly and I couldn't give up cos she wouldn't take a bottle. She has special needs and was exclusively fed for 13 months. It was hard and I felt very tied and was exhausted. Was unsure with no. 2 but said I'd give it a go. Totally different experience. Really efficient feeder - 5 to 10 minutes here and there. Absolutely thriving - 17 lbs at 5 mths (she's very tall too though) and it has been a breeze. I'm thinking of moving to bottles now and it's a real pain - would love to keep bf but it's a long story why I can't. Anyway, best of luck but I would say give it a go and you could suprise yourself

This is a question I ask myself (if I was preggers!), would I try bf after 2 failed attempts...

One of the biggest myths out there is that breastfeeding is easy! I read the books with DS1, I used the nipple cream from 20 weeks preg, but I failed in a big way. At 2 weeks I had a very jaundiced baby (I now shudder at the photos of my skinny, yellow, listless baby) who weighed less than is birth weight. DS2 had a tongue tie so failed again....

We're thinking about a third baby and I'd LOVE to succeed at bf, but I'm scared. My DH doesn't want me to even try bf again. Both times I found mw and hv very negative about using bottles/mixed feeding.

I'd say, be positive, do what feels right but look at the wonderful life you've created and focus on that!

Hi there
Do you know / have an inkling of what went wrong last time?

You see for me I was so stressed about it working with number 1 - my MiL bought me loads of video's about breastfeeding (she was a midwife) and sat with me to make sure I watched them - even though she was preaching to the converted.
When DS1 was born he slept / he wouldsuck at the breast for 2 -3 sucks then fall asleep. we tried wet flannels toe tickling all sorts but he didn't latch for more than that.
in the end the midwife insisted I hand expressed colostrum and spoon fed him. Well, She didn't show ME - she showed my DH how to express milk from my breasts. me sat in the middle and him with one breast and her with the other. I wanted to shout but was so tired and worried by it all I just let it happen.

Anyway - I knew 2nd time round that I needed to be on my own with DS2 and we would work it out together. I told new midwife that I wanted time immediately after the birth alone with DS2 to give it a go.
I think because I had relaxed it helped but what helped most was that DS2 is a totally different baby. He was like a baby bird really wide gape hungry for boobie. He knew what to do and so did I - Such a change from DS1.

I agree with all those who have suggested you relax into it. The feeling about breast milk being magic is great but don't let it build the pressure in your head. If you try it it could all be very different this time GOOD LUCK

Didn't read the whole thread but just wanted to say every BFing experience is difference.

I had 3 months of agony with DD. With DS (nearly 5 months) it was totally different- I got sore on one side after a huge cluster feed but with re-latching as soon as it felt uncomfortable and careful use of Lansinoh cream after each feed I had no pain after that.
For me the key difference was that 1st time round once baby was latched on I would leave her on regardless of any pain- it was a case of the quicker she fed the quicker the pain would stop. This time I just kept taking DS off the boob until the latch was comfortable- I also nursed before he got too hungry to avoid the frantic rooting/crying stage.

It's been so much easier! DS seems a lot more content than DD was after each feed as well.

Good luck and I hope it all goes well!

no you are not a lost cause! I had to express for ages with DS because we couldn't get it right. worked out eventually, but was told a lot of conflicting crap by mws.2nd and 3rd babies fed fine- even though my second was a major cluster feeder, as I was given the great advice of just go with your baby's needs. lots of support with good latch, too.

second advice on bfeeding support groups- nct etc.

Give it a go, you have nothing to lose, and the gains for yourself and your baby can be fab. but you know it will work out ok either way.

Thank you all so much! This was my first post here and it's fantastic to get such a lot of support.

After thinking about it, I will try again, although I can't say that I feel positive about it. I understand that a negative attitude isn't going to help, but I can't forget my previous experience of bf.

I also have a really ridiculous thing to mention, please bear with me as I know it's probably just my hormones (36 weeks now!)

If I did manage to bf my second, I'm scared that I would feel that I'd let my dd down by not trying harder. Almost as though I hadn't been fair and that they had an unequal start. I should add at this stage that I'm not normally this touchy and that my dd is as healthy as I could wish and always has been! Feel free to tell me I'm being daft...

you are not being daft at all.
you are working through the things that are worrying you.
Nothing about the way you deal with your children will be equal. You are now an experienced mother, with your DD you were learning, however she got 100% of your attention, Your DC2 will benefit from your experience but will share the limelight with your DD.

Take it one day at a time, you sound like a fabulous Mum to your DD and you will be great with DC2.
I think it is totally normal to be anxious about what happens next time round. be kind to yourself all these things are normal.