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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I felt so sad at playgroup today when ...

46 replies

Disenchanted3 · 04/02/2009 19:03

the 2 women I was sat with were BFing and DD got hungry and I got out a bottle.

DH doesn't understand.

OP posts:
Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 04/02/2009 19:50

Im not sure what to do.

DH will think Im nutty, and my mums very anti-BFing, she will think Im a weirdo if i try this (honestly she will)

Why didn't i just try in the first place

OP posts:
dizzee · 04/02/2009 19:51

My DH thinks I'm wasting my time as DS is happy on formula. My Mum doesn't know I'm trying bf again!

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 04/02/2009 19:53

I have my 6week check tomorrow morning, should I ask my GP about it? about the prescription drugs that can help along with the pumping and putting her to the breast?

OP posts:
Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 04/02/2009 19:55

dont think i can afford to rent a pump

OP posts:
misdee · 04/02/2009 19:56

oh is {{{}}}

i always find bf toecurlng painful at first. it actually makes me draw in my breath at times.

call lll and look into relactation. it is possible

raff · 04/02/2009 19:57

I had ds no 3 last summer and began to bfeed- easy at first, like dis3. Luckily for me I was still in hospital 48 hrs later (prev strep b infection- don't ask!)with my already bleeding, v.cut nipples and remebering all the horrendous, horrendous pain with prev 2 babies who I had fed for 6 weeks each at risk of physical and mental breakdown because I felt so guilty for not bfeeding. In hospital with ds3 when all previous problems resurfaced so quicly, I saw several different midwives and a franlky v.v. patronizing bfeeding counsellor (sorry - true!) and was in tears with close to de-hyrating baby when wise lovely midwife came in, took one look at the state of me, tested ds and told me that he had an extremely strong suck and I had particularly tender, pale skin and nipples. All the pain of my prev babies re-surfaced and I cannot tell you the guilt i felt at being a crap mum feeling unable to bfeed without knowing it would be a phyical and therefore mental nightmare for me and all my young family if I went under. for me the matter was decided when even the express pump sucked my nipple into the machine (literally, opening up the neat, deep, circular cut around the nipple ds had managed from his last feed. I bottle fed from then on.
I don't think your problem is just wanting to get back to bfeeding - though if you really do , good luck. I think it's facing up to all the other mum who can judge non breatfeeders as lazy softies when they've often no idea of the circumtances. We should be able to handle the fact that some of us just cannot bfeed and do away with the guilt or judgement. Ds3 is now 7 months and is the happiet, most contented and gorgeous little darling.

sorry to go on but I want to stand up for mums who cannot bfeed ( and thank lovely wise mw who helped me realise my guilt was undeserved) Good luck with your decision but don't forget - your baby loves you whatever you decide !

Lulumama · 04/02/2009 20:00

pump rental is not dear.

or ask around if you can borrow one

GP might not be good at BF advice but deffo ask

domperidone well known for boosting milk supply

definitely get in touch with one of the breastfeeding helplines

misdee · 04/02/2009 20:01

what sort of pump u after?

tutu100 · 04/02/2009 20:02

disenchanted can you get a nanual pump? I think Asda has one on offer for a tenner atm. I can pump more milk with a manual than an electric.

Have you tried just putting dd to your breast and seeing what happens? No necessarily when she's humgry, but maybe when she's just starting to get a bit sleepy and is relaxed.

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 04/02/2009 20:03

maybe you are right raff

thanks

OP posts:
AnarchyHeart · 04/02/2009 20:04

Your local NCT will be able to loan you a pump - I am the pump agent for my area and we will arrange a reduced fee for those on low incomes. Whereabouts are you - phone your local branch and ask!

If you want to relactate there is every chance you can do so successfully. You need some real life support - NCT/LLL will be able to give lots, and if you talk to your DH about the importance of BF, for your baby and yourself, he may well become supportive.

Good luck

Lulumama · 04/02/2009 20:13

dis, please don;t give up. you are feeling sad about not breastfeeding, if you give it another go, and it does not work, tehn you have tried everything

raff · 04/02/2009 20:22

Don't be sad...whatever you do decide, could you get yourself a glass of something lovely just now and toast yourself for being such a great mum that this is an issue for you?.. But I think you have to decide quite quick not just for re- lactating but for your peace of mind... then concentrate on being happy! And don't worry about DH. I think they just want to give us answers sometimes and be all reasonable without realising or experiencing the emotion involved. Something about evolution... they'll catch up one day, bless 'em!

doggiesayswoof · 04/02/2009 20:23

Good advice on here about relactation - yes give it a go

But if you do try and it doesn't work out, or if you decide that you can't face it and don't have the support that you would need, then please please don't feel guilty

I was in a similar situation, had a horrible time bfing dd but got support and carried on for a year

When ds was born, we started down the same road and I decided after 3 weeks I could not handle it at all, I was heading for PND

So I switched to ff and felt crap about it, but I am gradually starting to ease off on myself (he's 8mo now)

Your dd got some colostrum inside her, which is brilliant. Then you made a decision which I for one can totally understand.

I'm sorry you are feeling sad about it. I really understand that sadness. I'm sorry you got no support when your dd was born too.

fishie · 04/02/2009 20:38

disenchanted i had a horrible time establishing bf and no or bad support from midwives or hvs.

a bfc is what you need, even if you don't relactate. as well as the bf technical skills, they are also trained counsellors and can help you to feel happy with whatever your decision is. i think you need more than you can get here, face to face (or phone) chat with someone.

jm54 · 04/02/2009 21:04

Completely understand how you felt at playgroup, Disenchanted. Good luck if you decide to try and relactate, but if you don't, don't feel bad about it. Well said Quint - enjoy your baby, it doesn't really matter how you feed her.

jm54 · 04/02/2009 21:15

Raff, what warm, sensible posts - I love them! Sometimes women need support and encouragement to bf, but sometimes they just need someone to tell them it's alright not to bf.

Good luck whatever you decide, Dis - as Raff says, the fact that you're struggling with this issue shows what a top mum you are - your baby is lucky to have you.

Tryharder · 04/02/2009 21:29

Just wanted to say that I gave up bf DS1 when he was about 4 weeks old (no advice, poor support, no confidence in self or baby) but started bf again about 5 weeks after that. I never managed to bf him exclusively after that but at least half his feeds were breastmilk. He went on to self wean at about 14 months.

I found this really worked for me: the formula gave me confidence that DS1 wouldnt actually starve to death (!) plus he was getting the benefits of some breastmilk in addition to that.

Maria2007 · 08/02/2009 16:13

So how's it going now disenchanted? What have you decided to do in the end? Have read this thread from the beginning... and thought I'd check in to see how you're doing

claireybrations · 08/02/2009 16:18

After dd stopped breastfeeding I found I got most milk by combining the pumps-I used the electric until the letdown then carried on with the manual afterwards. Was extra washing up but I got a lot more milk this way-the electric was much quicker at getting the letdown but didn't seem to get a lot out afterwards. Probably depends which pumps you have though, mine were medela mini and avent manual

StealthPolarBear · 08/02/2009 16:23

Just for the pump recommendations, I have had a boots electric which I thought was rubbish, then got an avent manual which was much better.

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